Читать книгу Single Dads Collection - Lynne Marshall - Страница 47

Lucy rolled over, draping her arm across a bare, male chest. She smiled as she snuggled in closer and—

Wait. A male chest?

Her eyes flew open and everything came flooding back to her. She and Noah had… Yeah. Twice. Her body still tingled and she was sore in places she’d forgotten existed.

The bright sunshine in the room flooded through the curtains. She was used to her bedroom with the blackout curtains. She was also used to sleeping alone.

Lucy eased away from Noah and waited for the regret to settle in. There was no regret over what they’d done, but there was certainly a thin layer of guilt. That was to be expected, right? She’d studied grief for so long, had lived with it even longer, so she knew every emotion was normal, because everyone’s journey was different.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Lucy tried to figure out what she’d say to him when he woke. How did they move forward? Because even before she was ever married, sex wasn’t something she took lightly. She needed to have a deeper connection to someone before she went to bed with him. At this point, Lucy wasn’t sure how to act with Noah. They were coworkers; they had agreed to be friends.

“I assume you’re analyzing everything and trying to figure out what’s next.”

At the sound of his voice Lucy glanced back over her shoulder. Noah lay on his back, his hands beneath his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Aren’t you?” she asked.

His eyes darted her way. “No. We had sex.”

“Twice.”

“And now we’re going to be friends and go back to work.”

His matter-of-fact tone sounded so cold. Why did he have to be so standoffish? That was not the man who’d touched her so lovingly hours ago.

Suddenly feeling too exposed, Lucy jerked the comforter off the bed and wrapped it around herself before she came to her feet and turned to face him. The sheet lay across his waist, exposing his chiseled abs and chest. There was nothing about Noah that didn’t attract her…until now with this attitude.

“I think you need to go.”

Noah sat up and raked his hands through his hair. “Don’t try to get into my head, Lucy. We went into this knowing exactly what was going to happen.”

True, but that didn’t mean she could control how she felt.

Lucy wrapped the bulky blanket tighter around her and refused to allow that burn in her throat to turn to tears.

“I need to get in the shower,” she told him. “You can lock the door behind you.”

Lucy turned toward her bathroom, her heart in her throat. She just wanted to get in there before she burst into tears.

“Give me time, Lucy.”

Noah’s voice, full of agony, stopped her in the doorway. She gripped the frame with one hand while clutching the comforter between her breasts with the other.

“I wasn’t expecting this,” he went on. “Wasn’t expecting you. I’m not ready.”

Her heart clenched at the tortured tone of his voice. “I wasn’t ready, either,” she admitted. “But here we are.”

Lucy shifted just enough to meet his gaze across the room. The hurt in his eyes seemed to match her own.

“You came to me,” she reminded him. “You followed me home, all because you didn’t like the idea of me with someone else. That should tell you that you’re more ready than you thought.”

Noah remained silent, his lips thinned.

“I didn’t ask for you to come to my bed,” she went on. “I only wanted to see where this attraction led.”

“I didn’t plan on being here,” he told her. “I admit I was jealous. So jealous that I had to face the fact that I wanted you.”

Pain squeezed her chest like a vise. “And now? You’ve had me. Do you feel like you’ve claimed me or conquered the fear you had?”

Noah jumped off the bed, crossed the room just as naked as you please, and gripped her shoulders. She twisted to try to get out of his hold, but he forced her to face him.

“I didn’t claim you,” he demanded. “Why do you think I left that meeting the first night I was there?”

Lucy quit struggling. “Because you didn’t want to face your grief.”

“That’s only part of the reason,” he declared, his eyes darting to her lips. “I had an instant attraction to you and it scared the hell out of me. I had to get out. Then you followed me.”

He gripped her tighter as he pulled her flush with his body. “Damn it, Lucy. I’m not sorry one bit that we slept together. I just wish like hell I knew how to treat you right now.”

She wanted to be angry with him for being so cold to her, but she recognized his earlier words and actions as a defense mechanism. She could hardly blame him. They were both new to intimacy after such a tragic loss and he was standing here baring his soul to her.

“Being honest is a good start,” she told him, reaching up to cup his cheek. “You don’t have to pretend with me. If you need space, take it, but don’t push me away and lie to me.”

Noah closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. “I want to leave so I can think about all of this and how fast we’re moving.”

“But?”

He nipped at her lips. “But I want to stay and touch you. I want to back you into that bathroom and take a shower with you.”

Lucy’s entire body tingled because she knew exactly what he could do to pleasure her. She opened the comforter and dropped it to a puddle at her feet.

“Follow me.”

It was some warped reward system, Lucy thought. She’d completed her online final for this semester’s psych class and she was so happy that it was behind her, she was actually looking forward to doing her laundry.

Granted she’d needed to do housework yesterday, but after Noah had left she’d pretty much sat in her favorite chair in the living room and stared out the window. She’d volleyed between daydreaming and analyzing. There’d been so much to take in, way too many emotional hills to climb, and she was in no better mental shape today than she was yesterday.

After scrubbing her en suite and putting her clean laundry away, Lucy still had pent-up energy she had no clue what to do with. Maybe she needed to go for a ride. She hadn’t taken the time to ride for too long.

Lucy eyed her cell sitting on the end table by the love seat. Should she call Noah and invite him and Emma? Part of her wanted to reach out. The other part wanted to wait to hear from him.

What was the protocol here? She didn’t want to play games, but she didn’t want to push. He’d said he needed time. Honestly, so did she. But she also didn’t want their relationship to lose momentum. She wanted to keep building on what they had between them because it felt so good.

She’d sworn she’d never get involved with a man who risked his life for his job ever again. And then along had come Officer Spencer. Noah was the first man to entice her in years, and ignoring such a strong ache was absolutely impossible. All she could do at this point was enjoy the ride because Noah was part of her now, no matter the red flags waving around inside her mind.

Lucy grabbed her cell and shot off a text. She kept it simple and to the point. If he answered, fine. If he didn’t, that would be fine, too. As much as she wanted to see him, she also had a life to focus on. Her semester was over and she only had one more to go before she had her master’s degree in psychology. Lucy figured she’d better get a start on those résumés and get them sent to potential employers.

But part of her loved the SPD and hated leaving. They’d been her family when Evan had passed. Between them and Kate and Tara, Lucy knew just how valuable a support team was in trying times.

As she headed out the back door toward the barn, she wondered who Noah’s support team was. He’d left everyone he’d known back in Texas, and as lovely as it was that he and Emma were so close, Lucy knew he needed more.

Lucy readied Gunner and headed out into the field. She just wanted to ride toward the mountainside and admire the vibrant colors of fall. Autumn had always been her favorite time of year, and Stonerock, with its beautiful landscapes, showcased the season like a star. Evan had always said the same and he’d traveled all over the world. To them, Stonerock had always seemed so welcoming and relaxing.

Rocking against the saddle and the gentle trot of her horse, Lucy tipped her head back and breathed in the fresh scent of the crisp air. This perfect fall day wouldn’t last. Winter would be here soon and snow would blanket the fields and mountains behind her house.

The afternoon transitioned into evening as she tended to both horses in the barn. She brushed them, sang to them—off-key, but they didn’t complain—and felt more relaxed than she had in months. Actually, she was calmer than she’d been since Evan’s death.

As she shut off the barn lights and headed back toward the house, the sound of a shutting car door caught her attention. Her heart kicked up in anticipation of seeing Noah.

Instead, Tara rounded the corner of the house, holding hands with her daughter, and a sliver of disappointment coursed through Lucy. She loved seeing her friends, but all afternoon she’d been waiting on Noah to bring Emma for a riding session. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable with having Emma around so much. That was understandable, but still… Lucy wanted to see him.

As Tara got closer, Lucy noticed her friend’s eyes were red rimmed. Instinct had her crossing the stone path a little quicker.

“I hope you don’t mind we just stopped by,” Tara stated as she held on to her daughter’s hand. “Marley and I were hoping we could hang here for a bit.”

“Of course.” Lucy bent down to Marley, who clutched her stuffed elephant. “Do you want to see the horses or go in and watch a movie?”

“A movie.” Marley smiled. “Do you have ice cream?”

“You know I always have cookie dough ice cream. Why don’t you go get it from the freezer and I’ll be right in to scoop it out.”

Marley let go of her mother’s hand and ran right up the porch steps. When the screen door slammed shut, Lucy focused back on Tara.

“What’s going on?”

Tara shook her head. “I hate him. I absolutely hate Sam Bailey with everything I have in me.”

Well, that didn’t sound good. Lucy figured those tearstains were from rage as opposed to sadness…or an unhealthy mix of both.

“What did he do?”

Tara started pacing on the walk. She muttered under her breath, throwing her arms to the side before spinning back around. “That jackass sent me a card in the mail. A damn card with a little handwritten note like old people do.”

Lucy bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. Sam wanted his wife back. It was that simple. Tara kept fighting the fact, but Lucy hoped she’d realize what a great guy Sam was.

“What did he write?” Lucy asked.

Tara reached into her purse and jerked out the card that she’d shoved back into the torn envelope.

Lucy pulled the card out and opened it. The front of the card was a serene beach scene, but the inside was blank except for Sam’s writing.

I still remember.

Lucy glanced back up to Tara. “This is what has you so upset?”

Tara’s eyes widened. “Well, yeah. Before we were married we ran away to the beach for a weekend and didn’t tell anyone what we were doing.”

Lucy remembered that trip. Tara had been so in love and giddy.

“So why does this make you so mad?”

Tara ripped the card from Lucy’s hand. “Because he’s making things more difficult than they need to be. We’re divorced now and things need to stay that way.”

Lucy wished she knew what had truly broken them up. Tara had insisted that they’d married too quickly and for the wrong reasons, but Sam hadn’t agreed. They’d argued, they’d said some hurtful things, and in the end they’d split up. They did manage to get along in front of Marley, so that was something.

“Maybe you need some ice cream, too.” Lucy looped her arm through her friend’s. “Come on in and let’s see what junk food we can find.”

“I’d rather have a drink at Gallagher’s and dance,” she muttered.

Lucy mounted the steps and held the door open for Tara. “Well, right now we’re going to binge watch some kid shows and eat ice cream out of the carton.”

While Tara and Marley were getting spoons and taking the ice cream to the living room, Lucy checked her phone, which had been charging in the kitchen.

She’d missed three texts from Noah, so apparently he wasn’t ignoring her completely. Lucy opened the messages and was in the middle of reading them when she realized Tara was looking over her shoulder.

“So, getting closer with the new officer, are you?” Tara asked, raising her brows. “I’d much rather hear all about this development than discuss my messed-up life.”

“Your life isn’t messed up,” Lucy stated as she clicked her phone off. “And Noah and I aren’t developing.”

Well, that was a blatant lie, but Lucy wasn’t ready to share just how far she and Noah had gone. She wasn’t ready to comprehend it all herself, let alone be analyzed by anyone else.

“From the looks of those messages I’d say you are,” Tara retorted. “I saw something about his daughter. Are you sure you guys aren’t getting all cozy together?”

One side of Lucy wanted to jump at this chance to potentially find happiness again. On the other hand, there was that fear and guilt that seemed to be more present now than it had been in months.

“He brought Emma out to see the horses the other day,” Lucy admitted. “I simply asked if she’d like to come out and ride another time. I was heading out anyway, but apparently they were busy at a birthday party for one of her friends at the babysitters.”

Tara’s lips quirked as the television from the living room blared with some cartoon’s explosion. “You know an awful lot about Noah and his life for someone who isn’t getting closer.”

The back screen door opened and slammed shut. “He’s such a jerk,” Kate declared as she walked into the kitchen and headed straight to the fridge.

Tara raised her brows at Lucy in an unspoken question, but Lucy shrugged.

“Problem?” Lucy asked Kate’s back as her friend shifted through the shelves of food.

“Gray Gallagher can go to hell.”

“Watch the language,” Tara warned. “Marley is in the living room.”

Kate threw a glance over her shoulder. “Sorry about that. He just pushes my buttons and infuriates me.”

“We’ve already got the cookie dough ice cream out,” Tara supplied. “We can grab an extra spoon.”

Kate shut the refrigerator doors. “What are you upset about?” she asked Tara.

Tara shrugged. “A man. What else? But I was in the process of getting Lucy to spill her secrets about her and her officer when you barged in.”

Kate’s eyes widened as she took a seat on the stool. “That’s better than any ice cream. Let’s hear it.”

Lucy groaned and closed the back door. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Except that she’s had Emma and Noah over to see the horses,” Tara added. “And he sent her three texts while she was outside.”

“Really?” Kate drew the word out. “That sounds like progress. And we know he’s a hero, between rescuing the boy in the creek and then stepping in to between Gray and that jerk to save the day the other night. Noah has that whole hot cowboy thing going for him, too. That accent alone is drool-worthy.”

And there was nothing like hearing that accent while he whispered in her ear with their bodies joined.

“What’s that face?” Kate demanded, peering closely at Lucy. “You’re not sharing everything.”

Lucy merely shrugged. “Not right now. Just give me time.”

Those words were exactly what Noah had told her moments before he backed her into the shower and made her feel so much, too much. They both needed time, but they were in this together and they’d have to take this slowly. Lucy only prayed no one ended up hurt on the other side.