Читать книгу Single Dads Collection - Lynne Marshall - Страница 51

Lucy stared at the screens ahead of her and held her breath as she listened to the radio. Gunshots were fired at the scene. Her heart stopped as she waited on the officers to check in.

“I’m sure everything is all right,” Carla said as she patted Lucy’s shoulder.

Lucy and the other dispatcher had worked this end of a robbery before, but Lucy had never felt more fear and helplessness than she did now. Her shift ended an hour ago. She could leave and turn it over to the day shift, but she couldn’t leave. Carla wasn’t leaving her, either.

Lucy gripped her hands in her lap. She willed the phone to ring from the teller; she prayed she’d hear Noah’s voice over the radio. She wanted this entire situation to come to an end with Noah safe. The nerves swirling around in her stomach were so much more than she could bear.

She couldn’t go through this again. She couldn’t lose a man she cared about. Lucy bit on her bottom lip, willing the burn in her throat and eyes to subside. Now more than ever she needed to hold it together.

An image of Emma flashed through Lucy’s mind. There was no way fate would be that cruel to steal both parents from her life.

“Officer down.”

The report over the radio had Lucy gripping the mic on the desk. “Repeat,” she demanded, desperately hoping she’d heard wrong.

“Officer Spencer is down. The suspect is down, too. We’ll need two squads on the scene,” Captain St. John confirmed. “All hostages are okay. We’ve secured the area, but will let the EMTs through.”

“What’s the status on Spencer?” Carla asked, reaching across the desk to hold Lucy’s hand.

She was too stunned, almost sick to her stomach, to think, much less to speak.

“He’s coming around,” McCoy chimed in. “He hit his head. He needs to be checked out.”

Hit his head? Lucy didn’t know whether to be furious at how they’d scared her or relieved that he hadn’t been shot.

“EMTs should be arriving on the scene in three minutes,” Carla told them.

At least one of them was able to still do their job. Lucy wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to do this on her own.

Time seemed to speed up a little more now that they knew what was going on and the situation had been resolved. Once the EMTs reached the scene and triaged the injured, Lucy got a report from the captain. The suspect was getting checked out after getting grazed on the arm with a bullet. He’d be accompanied to the hospital by two officers. More important, Noah would be fine, though he too was being transported to the hospital to get checked out.

He apparently had fired the shot that struck the suspect. When the suspect had fired back, Noah had ducked and lost his balance, hitting his head on the curb behind him.

Relief flooded her, yet she still had an overwhelming desire to see him for herself. She wanted to go to the hospital and be with him, then offer him a ride home. But she didn’t know if he even wanted to see her. Earlier, before all this went down, she’d told him to be careful, but he hadn’t replied. Not that it would’ve been professional, but she’d hoped he would’ve said something.

In the end, Lucy went home. She was too wound up to sleep, she had no schoolwork to do at the moment, and the meetings were already planned out for the next three weeks.

Which left her alone with her thoughts. Not a good place to be. She stripped from the clothes she’d worn to work and pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt. She’d end up at the barns tending to the horses in a bit. Since she’d gotten in late her stomach was growling, so she needed to grab a bite first.

As she sat on the bed and pulled on her socks, she glanced to the photo on her night table. There was nothing wrong with keeping pictures, and there was nothing wrong with having them on display. But Lucy completely saw where Noah was coming from. She understood his frustrations.

But Lucy had come to her own understanding earlier. She’d been right not to let Noah deeper into her world. When she’d been on the other end of that robbery, she had been close to a panic attack. She’d only known fear like that one other time. She couldn’t go through that every day of her life. How was that any way to live?

Noah had been right to leave last week. He’d been right to walk away before they grew even closer with the bond they’d started. The sooner she could get out of working with him, the better off she’d be. Lucy needed to break free from Noah. She needed to not have that fear of loving someone all the while knowing he was risking his life every single day.

Leaving the picture where it was, Lucy headed to the kitchen where her muck boots were waiting by the back door. Surely once she cared for the horses she’d be tired enough to fall into a mind-numbing sleep. She needed to do something to work off her energy and carry her away from her thoughts.

But every single thought circled back to Noah. Once upon a time her mind only held Evan. He was still there, but Noah occupied the space in the forefront now. That was how Lucy knew she’d moved on. Unfortunately, she’d moved on with yet another man who took risks.

Lucy stepped into the barn, the sunshine beaming in through the open ends. As she stepped up to pet Gunner, she couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Emma painting her horse back in Texas.

The sound of a vehicle pulling up her driveway had Lucy stepping to the entrance to the stables. That black truck she’d become so familiar with pulled in like it had so many times before.

To see him perfectly fine as he stepped from his truck, still wearing his uniform, did so much to her. He was here, as if just a few hours ago his life hadn’t been in danger. Noah may be able to live like that, but she simply couldn’t.

Lucy stayed in the doorway, afraid if she got too close she’d crumble and go against the one rule she should’ve stuck to all along. The small white bandage stood out against the tanned skin of his face, looking like the perfect visual reminder that a man with a risky job was not for her. No matter how much her heart told her otherwise.

“Shouldn’t you be home resting?” she asked when he got closer.

Noah stopped several feet away and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I should be here,” he told her. “Carla said you were scared earlier.”

Damn gossipy station house. That was the downfall of being like one big family. Everybody knew everything.

“I was worried, yes. My friends and coworkers were facing a gunman.”

Noah started to take another step, but Lucy held her hands up. “What are you doing here, Noah?”

“I came to talk to you and you’re going to listen.”

Stunned at his abrupt attitude, she dropped her hands to her side.

“You don’t have to admit to me that you were scared,” he went on. “I was, too. It’s natural when you’re facing the unknown. But you know what I realized in those moments? I don’t want to live without you, Lucy. I lost someone I loved and I sure as hell don’t want to lose someone else.”

Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Did he love her?

Of all the times for him to figure out his feelings.

Lucy’s heart was torn in two. Part of her was elated he was finally admitting his emotions, but the other part, the realistic part, knew this could never be. She had too many fears, too many worries.

He closed the distance between them and slid his hands up her arms. “I know you’re still afraid, Lucy, but I want to explore this with you. I want to help you get over your fear. I’m not ready to jump into marriage, but I’m definitely not letting you go so easily, either.”

This amazing man who had just faced an armed robber after working a fourteen-hour shift stood before her ready to fight her battles. But her past and all of the doubts swirling around inside her head were keeping her from throwing herself into his arms. She had to guard her heart. She’d barely put the pieces back together and another hard blow would surely be too much to bear.

“I promised myself I’d never get involved with a man who constantly put his life on the line.” It took everything in her to cross her arms and not reach for him. “Being on the other end of that call today…”

Lucy shook her head and turned her back to him, afraid he’d see too much in her eyes. She had to stay strong.

“Are you that afraid of getting involved again?” he asked. His shoes scuffed over the ground as he moved closer, now only inches from her back. She could feel his body heat permeating her. “You think this is easy for me? It’s terrifying, but I’m stronger now than I was and I’m stronger since meeting you.”

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut and dropped her head. With her arms banded around her waist, she willed the hurt and the temptation away. It would be so easy to turn and throw her arms around Noah, to lean into him and let him take her cares and burdens.

No. Actually that would be the hard part. Being dependent on a man who might involuntarily leave her would be the most difficult part.

Lucy squared her shoulders and turned. His eyes held hers. His tired eyes. He’d had a hard night, and had opted to come here first.

“You can’t be serious,” she told him. “You can’t be ready to move on when you’re still grieving. You just want me because you’re comfortable with me and because the physical attraction is so strong.”

Noah let out a bark of laughter. “You think I’m here fighting for you because of sex? Lucy, you drive me out of my mind. You make me see a future when I was positive there would never be another woman for me. I sure as hell never thought I’d find someone as soon as I got into town.”

That bandage over his eyebrow and temple continued to mock her. Lucy reached up, brushing her fingertips just beneath the tape.

“Are you really all right? No concussion or anything?”

He reached up, gripping her hand in his as he turned his face into her palm. “Nothing is wrong with me,” he assured her. “I care more about you and how scared you are than I do about a bump on my head.”

Tears clogged her throat. “It could’ve so easily been a bullet.”

Noah framed her face and kissed her forehead. “And you could die in a storm,” he countered as he pulled back to look her in the eyes. “We can’t live like that, Lucy. We have to push forward and grab happiness while we can. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow and we’re not guaranteed a second chance at love.”

Lucy blinked back the tears, but one slipped down her cheek. “You love me.”

Noah smiled as he wiped her tears with the pad of his thumb. “I’ve known it for a while, but I finally admitted it to myself. If you don’t want to be with me because you don’t feel the same, that’s one thing, but if you’re running because you’re scared, I won’t let you do this alone.”

“I can’t lose you,” she whispered. “I can’t go through that again.”

“I don’t want to deal with loss again, either,” he told her as he pulled her against his chest. “But if I have a day of happiness with you, that’s better than letting go of this second chance.”

Lucy wrapped her arms around him and inhaled his familiar scent. “Why are you making sense? I’m trying to be practical. I’m trying to save us both heartache.”

Noah eased her back and smoothed her hair from her face. “You’re not saving either of us by pushing me away. The only thing that will save me is having you in my life.”

Oh, that man had the absolute best response to everything. He was determined to save her when, from the start, she’d been trying to save him.

Lucy flattened her hands against his back and tipped her head to look at him. “You’re worth the risk,” she told him. “I’ve never met anyone who would be worth laying my heart on the line again. Until you.”

Noah lifted her off the ground and captured her lips. The horses neighed and stomped behind her as if they were giving their blessing. Lucy opened to him, needing to feel him, needing to immerse herself in this moment, this man.

Finally, after so long of wondering if happiness did exist for her again, she’d discovered it. All of his emotions came pouring out into the kiss and Lucy knew this was a moment she’d remember forever.

“I think I should go inside and lay down for a while,” he muttered against her lips as he sat her back on the ground.

“Is that right?”

“Unless you need help with the horses.”

Lucy shook her head and threaded her fingers through his hair. “They’re actually fine. I was just out here because I was too wound up to go to bed. I had nervous energy to burn off.”

Noah slid his lips across her jaw and up to the sensitive spot behind her ear. “I have a better idea.”

As he led her into the house, Lucy had a sense of relief, a peacefulness she hadn’t felt in so long.

They’d reached the hallway and Noah turned to step into the guest room, but she stopped him, placing a hand on his chest. “Not in there,” she told him, shaking her head. “From now on I want you in my bed. In my room.”

His eyes sought hers, his brows drew in. “You’re sure?”

Lucy pulled in a deep breath and nodded. “It’s where you belong. Where we belong.”

In one motion he scooped her up into his arms and kissed her, giving her just a taste of the pleasure that was to come.

“I love you, Noah,” she said once she could breathe again.

“I love you, too, Lucy.” Then he carried her into her bedroom.