Читать книгу He Who Returned - Martin Fieber - Страница 9

3 B.C. according to the common calendar

“Eeny, meeny mice, who has lice? Eeny, meeny moo, and lice have you! Joshua, you are Jacob, and I am the Lord.”

“Why does it have to be you, Simeon? You always want to be the Lord. You always only want to be the catcher.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is. You always want to be the Lord.”

“Who cares, I simply am. Rachel, tie the cloth around Joshua’s eyes already. Get going.”

Joshua was angry. This idiot Simeon always had to act the big shot. It was not enough for him to constantly put Joshua down, he also had to declare himself ruler and decision maker for the girls.

Rachel approached him with the cloth. Now all grumbling was forgotten. Joshua liked Rachel and enjoyed it when she bound his eyes with the dirty rag.

“Rachel“, he whispered, “don’t let it get to you, Simeon is only a dumb Zealot. He can’t help it.” Both of them had to giggle.

The alleyways of Nazareth were always firmly in the hand of the children on afternoons. Most of the time they played ‚Jacob and the Lord’, since it was the favorite game of Simeon, and Simeon was the nearly undisputed King if the children in the village. Bigger than the others, no one dared to take him on. Except Joshua. He could still remember that day a couple of months ago very well, when he and Simeon had fought. There had not been a clear winner then, but a proud one. Since then Joshua had a scar on his left cheek. Simeon had injured him with a knife at the end of the fight. The running blood had ended the fight. He could still remember well how the girls then descended on him and gave him the attention befitting a hero. Simeon on the other hand was awarded with a beating from his father shortly after. Nonetheless Joshua enjoyed playing with the children now and then since he normally had to be learning and studying the torah in the house of his father around this time. For his father Samuel, the rabbi of the small village, did not like it when he played in the dust with other kids and wandered about. Especially not with Simeon, the brute, as he always tended to say. But Samuel disliked it even more, when Joshua played catch with the girls among the green hills of Nazareth.

Joshua had to obey and learn to be calm, for his father had ordained that he would become a scribe later on. For then he would be respected man, would serve the faith of his forefathers and would also never have to worry about his future.

However today Joshua had gotten away to play with the other children, for the rabbi was far far away in Sepphoris to meet with some folks who had journeyed there all the way from Jerusalem. Joshua had heard much about Sepphoris, but had never been there himself.

Eyes bound, Joshua stood in the middle of the largest alleyway and waited for Rachel to give him the sign to go ahead. Since the cloth also covered his ears, he could not hear much and waited quietly for his turn. However there was no sign. Only the wind grew stronger and stronger, until it turned into a storm that swirled up dust and fears and tormented his body as if with many little pinpricks. The children screamed and yelled as they fled. Joshua would have normally also quickly ran home, for like all other children he was afraid of sandstorms. They were all warned and taught about the dangers of these forces of nature and the demons dwelling in them. However today he remained standing and calmly pulled the cloth from his eyes. All of the kids had disappeared, only Rachel was still next to him and watched the happening with him. The storm became so strong that both of the children had to seek shelter behind a hut. They put their hands in front of their eyes, for the storm was raging and hurt. It felt as if the demons were playing one of their games with the people again. His father always said that only the Messiah could protect people from the demons.

Oh, couldn’t the Messiah come soon? By now he also knew what a Messiah was. After all his father spoke ever more often of the pressing need of the Jewish people for a Messiah, a saviour. He, Joshua, also was urgently awaiting him. The Messiah would surely rescue him from the relentless strictness of his father and from that boaster Simeon.

“Joshua, look. There are some people coming up the path. They were in the middle of the storm. They survived the demons“, Rachel shouted excitedly in order to come up against the howling of the wind. Only then did he realize that he once again had passage from the torah in front of his inner eye.

“I don’t see anything. Where?”

“Are you blind? There behind the house of Zephaniah.”

Joshua pinched his eyes together in order to recognize the new arrivals at the entrance to the village. Yes, Rachel was right. Who could that possibly be? They were not Romans, although their soldiers rode through Nazareth often in these days. His father was not supposed to be back till evening and did not own a donkey. For now, as the figures approached, he discerned a man leading a large donkey on which a woman sat.

“Who is it, Rachel?”

“I don’t know. Who in our village owns such a large donkey?”

Joshua could not look away from them until he also spotted a child in their age on the donkey, seated sheltered behind the woman. Joshua saw a glowing and froze. There had been something like a bright flash in the darkness, but he could only barely make out the outlines of the strangers. Who was that? Then he saw them. The blue eyes of the child lit up the darkness which was descending over Nazareth just now. The child looked directly at him. It became quiet about Joshua. The demons which had been audible shrieking and cursing in the storm, could not take away the holiness of this moment. These deep blue eyes dug deeply into Joshua’s soul. He became very warm and he felt sheltered. Who was this child?

∞

The sun had risen and shone its golden yellow light on the roughly sixty huts, houses and cave-dwellings of Nazareth. The village lay gracefully snuggled up against the hill behind it, like a panther. A majestic olive tree presided over all of it with its silvery leaves. A few inhabitants strolled comfortably through the alleyways.

The prayers had all been spoken, the family of the rabbi was complete, sitting at the morning meal. Finally they could eat. Like almost every morning they were having unleavened bread, cheese, milk and garlic olive oil. Additionally gigs and dates were served. His father had returned very late yesterday evening from Sepphoris and as always sat at the head of table. And besides, everything in the house of the Rabbi had to be the way it always had been. The seating order was a part of this. Samuel’s wife Sarah sat on the rabbi’s right hand side, to his left Joshua, then came Joshua’s half-sister Esther, whose mother had been the first wife of the rabbi up until her death, and then his younger sister Judith. It was forbidden for Joshua and his sisters to talk while they were seated at the table. They obeyed that rule, for obedience to the father was one of the most important virtues that existed. Obedience was an obligation. In this way Joshua became a good observer.

“Sarah, did I get this wrong or has Joseph the carpenter returned with his family?” Samuel broke a piece of bread and dipped it in the olive oil. Today he somehow seemed stricter. “A lamp was lit in their house yesterday evening and I heard a child laughing.”

Joshua glanced over to his mother and noticed her sad eyes. This atmosphere here was numbing him. His mother seemed fearful. She did not say anything. Joshua knew that whenever she had a hard time speaking she had been treated cruelly by his father. And when the Rabbi got angry, he beat her. Joshua was also often beaten, for the rabbi always found a reason to. Joshua hated his father so much, but also revered him in a strange way since he was highly respected in the village and always treated the other people fairly. And for this he hated him even more.

“Woman, answer me when I ask you a question.” It took a few seconds until Sarah was able to speak. Silence and fear filled the air.

“Yes, they are back again, Samuel.” She spoke very quietly. “Miriam came over to me yesterday evening and greeted me. Then I told her that the village was going to host a celebration in their honor. Joseph wanted to visit you after school and go over some things with you. “ She looked at her husband and awaited a reply that did not come.

“They were in the country of the Egyptians the past four years and meanwhile even have a son. He is called Yeshua. It must have been him you heard laughing. “

“They were gone for four years. Hard to believe that they even dare to show up here again.” Samuel shook his head angrily. “This village could have used a good craftsman these past years. But it is a mystery to me how they are still able to afford that big house. Oh well, then I suppose I will listen to what he has to tell me.”

Not a single word was spoken for the remainder of the meal. The strict glances of the rabbi suppressed any further expression. He was the ruler of this family.

Joshua had to let his mother and sisters clear off the table by themselves and followed Samuel across the courtyard into the large meeting hall which was situated across from the three living rooms. Samuel was a big man who took big steps, however he walked so hunched over that Joshua sometimes thought he would tip over any moment due to losing his balance.

The whole village gathered in the assembly hall when important events were to be discussed, and it was here that the children met for school. The rabbi was especially proud of this assembly room, in which Joshua was taught the teachings of their forefathers together with the other boys.

The family of the rabbi was one of only few in the village that owned a house with several rooms. Other inhabitants hat huts with one room in which the whole family lived and slept. However most of them lived in caves, for Galilee was strewn with caves. These living grottoes mostly consisted of one room, the main space inside of the cave. The living room was closed by a wall of piled up stones except for a space for the entrance. Some caves had an extension room built in front of their entrance which allowed the women more room for cooking and baking. There were also barn caves next to and behind the living areas that gave the animals shelter at night.

Joshua loved studying the torah. Since his fifth birthday that was his life. In the beginning it had been burdensome for him to always have to sit still. His concentration suffered from having to endure the strict gaze of his father for hours on end, and always facing the danger of painful punishment when he made mistakes. But then he found solace in the holy writings of his forefathers. He was lucky in that he learned easily and through this he also gained confidence. Studying the torah gave him courage and strength. In this way his father unintentionally showed him a way to be able bear the tyrant, for Joshua often escaped in his mind into other worlds and prayed to God, his real father. Thus he was able to absorb the teachings well and this was also why he was the best at reciting in school, although he was the youngest in his class.

For several years already Joshua was being taught Hebrew by Samuel. Although no one spoke it nowadays, it was mandatory for the study of the torah, for the torah was only allowed to be read in Hebrew. Samuel already began with this when Joshua was two years old. The first books, which were about Moses, Joshua found boring. The books of the prophets on the other hand were more interesting. Joshua was fascinated by the book of Micah. Especially the fifth chapter, in which the Messiah is announced, who is to be born in some small place in Judea. He had however forgotten which the name of that place.

Today once again the study of the torah was on the agenda. Joshua followed his father, who always wore the lightest prayer tunic over his head. Compared to their fathers Samuel was very old. Joshua had once overheard Sarah telling a friend that Samuel was thirty-nine years old when Joshua was born. He knew that other fathers were only half as old.

“Joshua, come along, hurry up. You are dreaming again.” The old rabbi was angry again and let him feel it.

That was not fair. Joshua became angry. Sometimes his hatred against his father was so strong that he could not fall asleep at night. Then he would pinch himself in the arm so that the pain chased away his thoughts and he could then get to rest, sobbing quietly. Joshua was safe from Samuel in the synagogue, which was what the grown-ups called the assembly room. Only in this place was Samuel not angry at him, one might almost say that he conveyed a sense of pride or quiet affection for Joshua here, for he spoke with him here and never beat him. That is why Joshua dug himself deeper into the study of the torah from month to month. Joshua loved the assembly hall, even if he met Simeon there again.

And sure enough, the first person who crossed his path was this demon of a braggart. He was safe from his mocking in the synagogue, for even he dared not speak in this room, but his glances were almost just as painful. If only Rachel were here, next to whom Joshua felt safe. But girls were not allowed to go to school, they had to learn the arts of household duties at home. But no matter, Samuel wanted to read from the book of Isaiah today. At least this would be exciting, even if it would take a long time. Simeon especially needed a long time for translating the texts into Aramaic. Almost all of them had trouble with the translation, but Simeon was completely incapable. And this pleased Joshua.

“The people who walk in darkness see a great light.” Samuel read loudly and clearly from the book of Isaiah. “A bright light shines over the inhabitants of a dark country. You give rich jubilations, create great joy. One is happy before you as one is happy at the harvest, as one sings in joy at the splitting of the bounty.”

Joshua glanced around the room. The twenty-eight boys around Joshua were silent – out of fear of the rabbi and a little out of respect for the writings. Only Simeon, whom he watched from the corner of his eye, was quiet out of sheer ignorance. Joshua knew that he simply could not follow along with what all had heard. Simeon simply did not understand Hebrew, let alone Greek. His little world was strictly Aramaic.

“For a child is born onto us, a son is given to us, upon whose shoulders the rulership lies. He is called wonder-council, God-hero, eternal father, prince of peace.” The rabbi looked up from his torah scroll and turned toward the young faces.

“Who of you would like to translate this part now?” Joseph, a frail boy, raised his hand. Next to Joshua, he was the most talented of the lot.

“Not always Joseph.” Samuel seemed angry. “With him I am sure that he has understood it. How about you, Amos?” The voice of the rabbi was demanding. “I am waiting..”

Amos glanced around the room in fear and eventually took heart and made an attempt. He did not get past a mumbling, but Joshua had to admit it was fairly respectable, since he was the best buddy of Simeon and also not exactly blessed with smarts.

“Yes, not bad, Amos. Show me the passage in the book that is related to this one. Or rather, in which the Messiah is announced.”

However now Amos was at the end of his ability to understand. “Rabbi, I am sorry but I do not know“, he said very quietly.

Samuel looked around among the group. “Who knows it? Simeon?”

He only shook his head.

“Eleasar?” This one too was being asked too much.

“Ismael, son of Jacob? Do you know it?”

“I think it is the passage in the seventh chapter. I will try to recite it. That is why the Lord will give you a sign: ‚See, the virgin will give birth to a son and give him the name Immanuel.’ Is that right, rabbi?”

“Very good, Ismael. Truly very good.” Samuel nodded briefly. “I see you are making good progress. I will let your father know when I see him again.”

At this moment a sadness passed through Joshua, as if a demon had stolen his soul. He could not bear it when his father was nice to other boys. For he himself was hardly ever the recipient of any such kindness. He wished that the friendly words of his father were only for him. He needed the next few minutes in order to calm himself down and not act out his anger against Ismael. It truly was not his fault. And after all Ismael was one of those with whom Joshua got along best. Joshua did not feel like learning anything else today and let his thoughts drift. Fortunately the rest of the morning passed fairly calmly and he could daydream a while. Would the Messiah really come or was it only an old story in order to give the people hope? He did not know, but he was awaited the saviour joyfully. Someday he could come and save him from his father the rabbi, and then he would feel better.

“So, you children of Abrahams“, Samuel continued and brought Joshua back from his daydreams into the house of the assembly, “that is enough for today. You know that the family of the craftsman Joseph is living amongst us once again. This evening there will be a celebration for them. I expect you all to be very polite and demure. Good. May God gift you with insight. The Lord be with you.”

∞

Today Samuel was happy, for he saw some progress with some of his students. Yes, a bright one that Ismael, he thought to himself. There was nothing more beautiful than when young souls understood the teachings of their forefathers and recognized the importance of laws and commandments. Yes, this was his life. He no longer thought about Simeon and his gang, for with those stupid souls every attempt to teach them anything at all was in vain.

A thousand thoughts swirled through Samuel’s head. But the laziness of these children! The fewest of them still wanted to learn Hebrew, because the Greek world was advancing. Galilee was slowly losing its faith because the curse of those Greeks lay on it. And this useless Herod who had declared Sepphoris the capital of Galilee sat in his palace and let heathen slaves construct all those buildings, gave them shelter and even paid them for it. What had Samuel had to see in Sepphoris again yesterday! This town, once beautiful, which had been burnt down a few months ago by the Romans and nearly completely destroyed. The town had burned for two days, until the last fire had burnt out. He would never forget the name of the Roman responsible for that: Publius Quintilius Varus. What had this murderer only done! After this horrible deeds were done in his name in the area surrounding the capital of Galilee. House searches and humiliations, countless inhabitants were sold into slavery or ended up on the cross. People said that over 2000 of them were the victim of this awful torture. The Romans often came through Nazareth often of late. They were searching for the zealot Judas, the son of Ezechias, who terrorized Galilee as leader of various groups of resistance fighters and had let himself be declared king of the Jews.

The zealots were not Samuels world, these resistance fighters reacted to there enemies with the same ruthlessness. However they were nonetheless Jews. But the Romans? Every few days a couple of legionnaires came through Nazareth and looked for fellowmen of Judas. No, these damned Romans! Now heathen buildings stood everywhere in Sepphoris. A theater had even been completed a few days ago. They were now merely working on completing one of the auxiliary buildings with the dressing rooms. Actors, those damned hypocrites. And the most outrageous thing of all was that works of those arrogant Greeks were being performed there. Just yesterday evening had seen a performance of play by Aeschylus. ‚Orestie’ or something like that. It had been the premiere. This piece was about king Agamemnon, who had returned from the Trojan War. Samuel asked himself how such a play, in which the subject matter was murder, blood revenge and extramarital affairs, could even be performed,. What a superficial Greek world! Those Greeks were false, arrogant and quarrelsome. A folk of thinkers, pah. Yes, they had always been able to think, but they had never been able to trust in God. Ah well, they were not the chosen people of God. What else could one expect of them? But what was worst of all: nowadays many Jews outside of Galilee could not speak Aramaic any more and only spoke the arrogant sounding language of those Greeks. And now even the children were beginning to dream of the Greek towns outside of Galilee. Yes, the Messiah was desperately needed.

Samuel briefly returned from the world of his thoughts to make sure whether all of the children had left the room. None of the brats was there anymore.

And once again Samuel’s restless thoughts returned to the incorrigible zealots. They wanted to cast out the foreign rulership of the Romans by force. On the one hand they were right, for what business did the Romans have here among the Jews anyway? They were even worse than the Greeks. But by force? That was assuredly not the right way. Killing simply was not the way.

This was also the reason why Samuel had been in Sepphoris yesterday. He had met with several Rabbis from the area and with some priests from Jerusalem there. They had spoken about the increasing violence in Galilee and about the influence of the Greeks on Jewish life. Much was said but there was no result. As usual. One wanted to wait and see how the next couple of months would develop. But yesterday had really upset his frame of mind. How Bealja, his clerical person of trust from Jerusalem, had told him, the unswerving loyalty to the law of the rabbis in Nazareth had even reached the high priests ears in Jerusalem. In a final talk Bealja had told him that one was concerned about a Rabbi in Ephesus. He supposedly no longer was focusing on the transmission of traditional teachings, but rather enjoyed his time with easy women. And if the situation did not improve in the next few months, once was considering sending him , the good Samuel, into this town in distant Greece and have him preach the God of Abraham in this cave of depravity. Samuel had asked Bealja why he of all people was being considered for this. Bealja’s answer was clear and sent a shiver down Samuel’s spine. Whoever had such a good reputation in the faithless and backward Galilee had to possess unusual abilities.

At first Samuel was shocked by this idea. Ephesus! He did not know much about this town, only that it was the town of black magic. The whole world had probably heard about the magic books of Ephesus. But to leave his home was out of the question. How could they ask this of him! But the longer he thought about this news, the better he felt about it. Around 200 people lived in Nazareth, and it was said that around 200.000 lived in Ephesus. And the number of Jews in that town, in which the whole world met, was probably much higher. There he could bring about something new, there he could bring the errant Jews back to God. He was not afraid of the countless whores that apparently existed in Ephesus. After all he was discipline incarnate. And he knew how to deal with women. They only needed a strict hand. And that he had. Sarah was the best example. She was always at his service and did what he wished. Ephesus was still a long way off though, and thus he let go of those thoughts and placed the torah scrolls back into the shrine. He was satisfied with his lot. The Lord must be satisfied with him. The only thing he was still worried about was Joshua.

His son had repeatedly made a very distant impression on him. That damned dreamer! If he had not been his son and been so talented, he would have thrown him out of class already. At least the dumb could still work on the fields or tend the sheep. But dreamers? They did not even notice when a sheep went missing. O, this Joshua! As the son of the rabbi he was not allowed to engage in such dreamy reveries. After all Joshua might become a good priest or even his successor. Joshua had all of the abilities for this, was not lazy, but often, like today, simply not present. He would even sleep away the Passover celebration if he, Samuel, did not ensure that he did not miss it. He wanted to cast a more watchful eye on his son in the near future and sort out this daydreaming. No matter how, after all he was not afraid of applying corporal punishment when it served its purpose. After all, did not the Holy Scriptures put it quite nicely: “Blessed is the man whom you chastise.”

∞

Miriam prepared a lentil soup for the celebration which was to be given in their honor today in the village. She stirred in a large pot that she had received from the women of the village. The intense weariness from the long journey made her work harder. Yeshua sat quietly in a corner of the room and watched her while she was cooking. He had just written a few sentences in his diary. The scroll was lying next to him on a small dresser. Miriam was alone with her son, for Joseph had just walked over to Samuel’s place to go over some things with him.

“Mommy, why are we here?”, her son asked.

“Yeshua, it has been ordained that you grow up here for the next few years. Bakenor, your teacher from Alexandria, gave us this instruction on our way and besides that I had a dream again, in which a heavenly messenger told me that we should return into the hometown of Joseph. You will get used to the little place eventually.”

Miriam added the finishing touches to the soup and also gave Yeshua a piece of the bread she had dipped in the soup to taste. “And?”

“Yummy.”

Miriam smiled, for she knew that Yeshua loved this ritual. It would surely help him to feel at home here soon.

“Mother, why am I the only person in Nazareth who has blue eyes?” Yeshua gave her an inquiring glance.

Miriam was thunderstruck, for she knew that this question had to come sometime.

She could still remember the morning well on which a heavenly being had appeared to her and told her that she had been chosen to bear the future saviour of Israel into the world. At first she had not wanted to accept this message, but the heavenly messenger had been very insistent and convinced her, so that she eventually accepted her mission. She and Joseph had apparently been chosen since they were very pure human beings. And the future saviour could only grow up with pure parents. However there was a more important reason: the genes which she and Joseph carried in each other had to be modified slightly so that all of the preconditions were fulfilled so that the saviour could be born. When she had asked what that meant and what consequences could result from that, the messenger had only replied that the changes necessary with other parents would have been more complex, which however was not possible for a number of reasons. One of the consequences of this change in the genetic structure would be that her son would have blue eyes.

Miriam still flinched at the mere thought of that apparition for she knew what consequences she would face. Defamations, and the worst kind of insults. For how was anyone to believe that hers on was not the bastard of another man, but rather a son chosen by God? She had to learn how to deal with the glances and animosities of people and there words. Adulteress was the mildest of that which she had to suffer being called. Hopefully that would be different here in Nazareth. After all this was the home of Joseph, her sometimes naive but kind-hearted man.

“Yeshua, I think you already know that you are different than the other children, or?”, Miriam answered after a brief pause. “Yes mother“, he said without thinking long, “Yes, I know.”

Miriam had also noticed every day how different Jesus was. She had already noticed when he was two what healing energy the small hands of Jesus had. One day a heavy water bucket had fallen on her foot. Her foot had bled and hurt! Jesus had noticed this and simply stroked his hands over the area. The wound disappeared immediately, the pain ceased. Nothing remained to be seen of the wound. She could have recounted many such stories.

“What kind of dreams have you had in the last couple weeks, my son?”

“There were many but one haunts me. I dream this dream again and again.”

“Tell me about it.”

“It is night, I am walking along a long path with many curves up a hill. The path is shining as brightly as the torch in Bakenor’s garden. Lots of snakes and other icky creatures are crawling along the side of the path and want to pull me down into the abyss, but they do not reach me. Up on the mountaintop these ugly animals are gone and there is only an empty huge wooden cross.”

Miriam was surprised how clearly the soul of her son already now saw his future life path before him, which was not to be easy for him. Animosities and many human snakes would cross his path. Hopefully this dream did not mean that her son would end up on a roman cross, of which one saw so many on the side of the road. She quickly apologized in her thoughts however for presuming to call Yeshua her son.

“This dream is showing you the life that lies before you, Yeshua.” Miriam smiled. “Our father in heaven has prepared an especially bright path for you, from which, though it leads through darkness filled with many demons, you will not err, for they will not be able to touch you. Look at the children in this village. In their youth they play on the street, but as fathers they will stand on the fields or work on construction sites and maybe ask themselves shortly before their death whether that was truly everything in life. You on the other hand will travel about in the world, help many people and tell those who wish to hear it of another world and thereby create another world here. God has given you special gifts in this life. And for these tasks he also gave you blue eyes. Do you understand my words?”

“Yes, mother.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the doorpost and a smiling woman appeared at the entrance.

“Sarah, come on in, I am just finished with the preparations for the lentil soup.” Miriam put her left hand on her heart in greeting the way she always did. “Now I am just preparing the olive paste. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for welcoming us so warmly. “

“It is a joy for us, Miriam.”

“By the way, this is our son, Yeshua.” Miriam proudly pointed toward her son.

Sarah sat down in front of the boy. “I greet you, Yeshua. Just how old are you?”

“I am five years old“, he said in such a calm and lovely voice that it surely must warm Sarah’s heart, Miriam thought to herself. After all that is how she felt whenever Yeshua had a certain expression in his words. “O, then you are only a few years younger then Joshua. You will get along well with him. This evening the two of you will get acquainted.” Then she turned to Miriam again. “The women in the village are all very busy. I think this is going to be the most beautiful celebration that our village has had in the past years. I simply wanted to quickly see how you are doing.”

“That is nice of you, Sarah.”

“Miriam, it is nice that you all are here.” She laughed, briefly waved at Yeshua and then disappeared as happy as when she had shown up a few minutes ago.

“ Sarah is a very nice woman “, Miriam said, truly a remarkably nice woman.”

“But her soul is very unhappy mother. Even her smile could not hide that.”

Yeshua was not entirely sure yet whether he would truly feel at home in Nazareth. Up until now they had lived in a big house of Bakenor, who was more of a father to him than Joseph even. He still could remember well how he had stood in front of Bakenor upon their departure and had thrown himself in front of him and was so tearful that he did not want to let go of him. Oh how he missed that quiet, almost holy place in Egypt. And o how much he missed Bakenor. Bakenor, oh Bakenor! Joseph was a good-hearted person who did everything for his son, but sometimes Yeshua had the felling as if he distanced himself from him. Joseph simply could not understand why he had a son with blue eyes.

Yeshua was happy that he had his mother. He often felt a strength and greatness in himself that however also made him afraid. Only his mother could then take away his fear by giving him her time to speak with him. Through her presence she gave him harmony, a feeling of being sheltered, and security. She let him be the way he wanted to be. He was different and she accepted that. She was a wise woman. And she was a strong woman. He recalled an instance when Joseph had scolded him for being so laconic and demanded that he immediately say something. However his mother stood in front of him and did not even allow a discussion about the matter. She said something to Joseph and after that no incidents of the sort ever occurred again.

I am very happy that we have finally arrived in Nazareth. But what am I to do here? The journey took too long for my taste. And my pain is too great, not being able to speak with Bakenor anymore. In the beginning I did not want to leave Bakenor, but then he told me that I should write a diary. Fortunately he taught me how to write very well. If I write regularly, he assured me, I would be able to travel to him in my thoughts and write down my feelings and problems. It would be good for my soul and lighten it. Today I am doing this for the first time and am placing all my hope in you, father, that I will like it here in Nazareth. Hopefully I will find friends with whom I can exchange and who can also understand me. Please bless the people and bring joy into their hearts so that Nazareth may become a flowering blossom and so that as little sorrow as possible is in the houses of my new home. So be it.