Читать книгу William Walker’s First Year of Marriage: A Horror Story - Matt Rudd - Страница 11
Monday 2 May
Оглавление‘Someone’s stolen my passport!’ I was completely sure of it.
‘No, they haven’t.’ But Isabel wasn’t.
‘Yes, they have.’
‘No, they haven’t.’
‘Yes, they have.’
‘No, they haven’t.’
It doesn’t take long for the matrimonial harmony to wear off, does it?
‘Yes, they have, I had it on the Tube and that bloke opposite looked shifty.’
‘So you were pickpocketed?’
‘Yes, he must have followed us.’
‘Thought you said you were like a coiled spring when you were travelling, a coiled anti-pickpocket spring.’
‘Yes, well…’
‘That if anyone tried it on with you, there’d be a blur, a flash and a whimper.’
‘I—’
‘That they’d be picking up their teeth with broken fingers.’
‘Shut up and help me look in these bags!’
‘Don’t snap at your wife.’
‘Yes, well, my wife is being incredibly unhelpful, the flight’s about to leave and someone’s run off with my passport.’
‘Is it at home?’
‘What?’
‘Have you left your passport at home?’
‘Of course I haven’t.’
‘You always leave something at home.’
‘Don’t.’ ‘Do.’ ‘Don’t!’ ‘Do.’ ‘Don’t!’
‘What about Paris?’
‘That wasn’t a passport. That was the tickets.’
‘Stop frowning. You always frown.’
‘Hardly a surprise with you nagging all the time.’
‘You’ll get wrinkles if you scrunch your face like that. You were doing that right through the whole wedding.’
‘I was nervous.’
‘You looked like you were about to be tortured.’
‘You told me not to look at you affectionately because you’d start blubbing.’
‘Yes, but not for the whole day.’
‘Well, I was nervous. It’s much easier for a bride.’
‘What?’
‘It’s easier. All you have to do is smile, look nice and walk up and down an aisle. I have four tests. I have to do the vows, I have to do a speech, I have to lead a dance, I have to have sex.’
‘Have sex? That’s difficult, is it?’
‘It is when all your bridesmaids are placing bets on it.’
‘Don’t be stupid.’
‘You don’t be stupid.’
‘You don’t be stupid.’
‘You don’t be stupid.’
‘You don’t be stupid.’
‘You don’t be stupid.’
‘Last call for flight BA One-seven-eight to Delhi.’
‘You don’t be stupid.’
