Читать книгу War/Peace - Matthew Vandenberg - Страница 4

'Hey Jerri, maybe you should just give up,' Adrian yells. 'You ain't intelligent, ain't beautiful, maybe you should just throw in the towel. Ever read The Sorrows of Young Werther?'

'Ok, I ain't talking to you anymore,' Jerri says. 'You're a real bastard, you know that Adrian?'

'Whoa,' I say, shaking my head. 'What's wrong with this picture? It might be better if you follow me outside for this one folks.' - I stand up and follow the cameraman to the nearest door. He's rolling the camera backwards and I'm chasing it: I flick twice the chain on the lip of my jeans and kiss the naked air with a wink. - 'Ok. There we see a typical High scene. It's like many you might see in the average chick flick, average teen drama, or' - I shrug - 'any high school around Australia. You've got the guy who's sour, and the girl who rejected him. Guys listen - and listen well - the trick is to run fast, as though your legs are fingers ripping an adhesive bandage from a beautiful breast of naked skin. You'll forget about the former when the latter is pressed firmly against your thighs. Am I clear enough or are you not seeing the girls behind me, the multitude of feminine figures which roam your and my fields of vision like the babes in that Outkast music video for The Way You Move? Clear your eyes, make sure they're fuckin' open and take a look around. It's been said before by guys like Alfie but I'll say it again: never commit. Ever. Never propose to someone either in reality or mentally, so you never limit your horizons. Or you'll regret it.

'Did you hear what Adrian said in there? Now, Jerri's an average looking girl but she ain't ugly, she's no child prodigy but she ain't thick. Even if she was it wouldn't matter to me: I don't discriminate. I'll fuck any girl, within reason. There are some who turn you on, and others who make you feel warm inside, with whom you empathize. Every girl deserves love. Now the problem here is, Adrian's pissed. Suddenly he's trying his hardest to play with her self esteem as though it's an independent variable which needs to be manipulated, because he wants to bring her down to his level. Shameful. Some would say the guy's a full prick. I'd say that his heart rate has just slowed a little, its tempo the perfect backing to a song by 98 Degrees rather than one by a cocky rapper. He's attacking those close to him with an attitude he can't even keep in check. So, when I say you gotta move fast' - I twirl a finger in the air and the cameraman follows me with the camera, swinging the gear lever on the tripod, and suddenly it appears as though I'm walking in fourth - 'I mean you gotta find another girl quick. It's easy when you’re in my profession. They come . . . cum . . . to you. Never become obsessed, never become attached. Tell her not to either.

'Ok, so you're probably ready for your first night at the Cross, should you choose to pursue this occupation. But you don't have to, it's just a suggestion. Perhaps you'd rather dwell in your own self-pity for a couple hundred years. Ha ha. No, look: it's my goal to paint an objective portrait of this profession so I must ensure I tell it like it is. I must tell you about my good experiences and also my bad ones. That's why I won't tell you about my first night at the Cross just yet. Instead, I'll tell you about a time when I was standing on the side of a road, one rainy night, with a hand out, and a thumb in the air, waiting for a ride. Now, those who hitchhike, especially in the states, will tell you that the person who picks you up will belong to one or more of three categories: the Christian, the client, or the sexual predator. The Christian wants to spread the good word of God and to help you in whichever way he can, the client needs someone to talk to, and the sexual predator wants only to fuck you . . . if you're lucky. Oh - class is out. I gotta get to my next. I'll fill you in later ok?'

******

References

1 She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

2 Cum On Everybody - Eminem