Читать книгу War/Peace - Matthew Vandenberg - Страница 6

‘Dude, it was this year,’ I say, shrugging. ‘Ok – so you want me to tell you ‘bout it? Here’s an idea: why don’t you try doing this for yourself? But you don’t got the skill, do you? In fact, why the fuck you listening to this shit anyways? Or reading the transcript of my rantings? Live your frickin’ life. Let me tell you something, if you can accomplish this one task, this one thing, then you’ll be able to accomplish anything you happen to set your mind to in life.

‘GCH call it “Scandalous Scholastics*”, I call it a schoolyard romance. It’s simple, through several weeks you work in collaboration with a female teacher of your choice on a diabolical performance. You and her are on the stage together and your fellow students comprise the audience. The performance takes place over several weeks. And let me tell you, you wouldn’t even fit ‘em in the Acer Arena.

‘Ok: so it ain’t so simple. Just like how one doesn’t draw a sellout crowd by sitting on his arse all day writing, ha ha. But it’s achievable. What was it Martin Luther King said: I have a dream something something. Well, at 4:17am on the 17th of March I had a dream, it was about my science teacher. Her name is Holly, she’s 35 with a figure finer than the detail in the science reports I submitted to her. A figure finer than the description of her which I’m providing right now: eyes like waves which lap at the shore of my gaze every time she enters the peripheral of my field of vision. And I couldn’t even swim several months ago. That is to say, I was a pretty shy guy. I hardly spoke to girls in my year, and hardly went to parties where people consumed strange liquids that enabled them to do so. What people find it hard to understand is the adrenaline rush I now get by imitating my former self. No doubt, I now have more confidence than most people I know but it feels so fuckin’ great to simply stand by a desk, the same shade of cream as any desk in the science labs of my High, and roll my gaze off the surface, down to the floor, my feeble feet, and climb it up again to the surface: as I metaphorically submerge my head in a cool pool of water and then resurface. It feels great to play the shy guy. That is to say it feels great to re-enact the play which got me where I am today, to re-enact the performance – prolonged, intense, and simplistic in its immense beauty – which lasted for several weeks, spanning a pinnacle stretch of my life like panties her thighs . . . getting ahead of myself there though. Because this story is so frickin’ awesome I can’t even hold it, so to speak: can’t even figure out whether to tell it from the beginning or from the end, coz this shit’s as volatile as a babe in the throw of an orgasm.

‘Well, it’s December so I guess I’ll be telling it from the end. But I’ll need some time to gather my thoughts. For now, just know that this is how it all began, that this is how my life changed for the better, that this woman was my first, that my time in year nine at the high school I attended on the Central Coast was so brilliant and so perfect that I cannot stress enough how school is so essential to one’s personal growth. So, essentially, I state that you shouldn’t quit the High ‘till you’ve completed a year like my year nine. Shake me and I’ll tell you more.

Trust me, I like it. Peace out.’

******

References

1 Let Me Blow Your Mind – Eve and Gwen Stefani

2 *Scandalous Scholastics - Gym Class Heroes

3 Fight For This Love - Cheryl Cole

4 Battlefield - Jordin Sparks

5 Thong Song – Sisqo

6 Dialogue from Travie McCoy, accessed on the 12th of November 2010 from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8lG3vQ_MBg&feature=related