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Being the boss doesn’t mean being bossy. It means dealing with difficult situations fairly and skilfully. Aggression may get quick results, but you soon lose respect and loyalty. Asserting yourself is different. It’s about getting your point across but keeping people with you. Being strong – but always being fair.

■ You are going to have to deal with conflict. It’s part of what we managers do. But you can still say what you want to say and keep the respect others have for you. How? By making sure that you show respect to others.

■ There’s a big difference between aggressive and assertive managers. Aggressive managers make their point – but in a way that ignores the rights and feelings of the person they are talking to. The

case study Two colleagues, Dev and Suki, argued and ended up not speaking to each other. Both complained separately to the manager and demanded that she deal with the situation. Unfortunately, the manager decided that they were “two adults and should sort it out between themselves”.

But over the next few months the situation just got worse. What was the result? Not only did both Dev and Suki eventually leave, but two other colleagues left as well, fed up with the bad atmosphere! Because the manager was afraid to deal properly with the situation, things got much worse.

“He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty” Lao Tzu, Taoist philosopher of ancient China

person then feels hurt and resents the manager. Worst of all, they may even show this through sabotage and non-co-operation. An assertive manager can make the same point – but makes sure that they respect the rights of who they are speaking to.

Let me show you. I could have a disagreement and say, “You don’t know what you’re talking about”. Notice how this not only passes judgement on the message, it passes judgement on the person as well. How much better this might be if I said, “I’d like to talk about where we disagree”. This time I’m concentrating on the facts, not the person. This is why assertive people are so strong – they have a need to get at the truth, but make sure they don’t make enemies when they do so.

Dealing assertively with conflict is an important skill every successful manager must master.