Читать книгу Legend of the Peeing briton - Павел Тюрин - Страница 25

The designated division of the tourist police of the Jurmala resort has just now sent a teletype to all the mass media marked: ‘Extremely Urgent’ containing yet some more shocking news. When the people on the Riga seaside saw a hang glider in the air, none of the relaxed, resting people paid him any attention in the beginning. But then a sudden warning from the lifeguards’ station in Bulduri shook the beach:

‘Attention! Attention! This is an air raid!’

Of course nobody paid any concern to the loudspeakers’ crackling and the life guards’ calls, or else they did not understand. And only when the alarm started wailing and small droplets of the rain fell on the suntanned bodies, the beach folk started rushing, running, and hastily hiding under their long chairs. Only those who took the risk of raising their heads from the golden sand could see the hang glider making strange twirls in the air. When he lowered the altitude he let a golden-coloured stream out of his personal vessel. The light breeze spread the moisture evenly on all: good and evil, kind and mean, without differentiating between genders or national affiliations.

– Damn it! What is this world coming to?! Fucking idiot! – those who were learning English said.

– Scheisse! – ‘Shit’ — Halt die Fotze! – Verdammte Scheisse! – ‘Holy shit!’– the Germans chanted.

– Pa la Pinga jiho de la puta! – ‘Go to hell, you son of a bitch!’ – in Spanish.

– Puzza! – (stink in Italian).

– Mon tabarnac! Ta mere la pute! – ‘Your mother is a whore!’ the French yelled.

– Ben zonA! – (son of a bitch). Ijot! – the local Jews concurred.

And then with all the power that tape recorders can muster, from the bushes of the nearby dunes the booming Leontiev[63] voice shook the beach:

The fogs of memories shields us; you are like in a dre-ee-am,

like in a dre-ee-am.

My only hope is my hang gli-i-der,

my hang gli-i-der!

– Ša-au-smas! – (Awful!) – mewed the Latvian speakers.

No doubt that was the surface support party of the brave man.

As was established later, the peace disturbing party were providing pointers for other aims of the ‘Brit’, fifty metres away. But at that moment the voice of Valery Leontiev screamed from below and the wings of the hand glider cut the air above with menacing intensity.

– Arprats! – (That is mad! – in Latvian).

The curses sent from the ground in all the different languages just gave more speed to the pilot. And that lasted until one of the frequent visitors of the resort coast decided to accept the challenge. As to be expected, and from the very first attempt, the macho man on the beach hit the raider with his volleyball. The wing of the foreign glider bent, and the pilot fell into the cold waters of the Baltic. In the next moment two motorboats were dispatched – to pick up the man overboard: one from the life guards’ station and another that was drifting in the bay not far from the site of the catastrophe. But the Balts weren’t in luck that day. The familiar sign PB flashed in front of their very eyes. Their motorboat was faster… It reached the man in the water earlier than the Latvian vehicles, snatched him up, and hid in the neutral waters.

This ugly case could have stayed as a sorry, unsolved episode from the life of the resort. But soon Jurmala City Council received a letter from the central headquarters of the ‘Peeing British’ Club with apologies and explanations about the incident.

The letter announced that the administration of the Club regrets that occurrence, and assures that there was no change in the Club’s attitude or behaviour, and none is planned. The letter noted that the pilot was a young member of the Club who had just recently bought the licence to practice independent flight, and that he had no intention to drizzle the people who legally enjoyed the rest and cure of the resort.

He was aiming for a sculpture of a giraffe established in the villa ‘Adler’ situated in the dunes. ‘Adler’ used to belong to the former owners of the Parex bank, Valery and Tatiana Kargin.[64] His attention was attracted by a golden crown that decorated the giraffe’s horns. The crown was a symbol of Parex that they had put on a giraffe when they had to leave their home in the historical centre of Riga.

They took the Parex crown from the giraffe after that case

This shiny thing was the real target of the British pilot. Not unlike a magpie who is susceptible to all kinds of tinsel. As was discovered later he was one of the angered investors of Parex that had eventually gone bankrupt.

Nevertheless, the administration felt obliged to inform of the following:

‘We have examined all the materials connected to the case; we considered the guilty party’s explanations, we interrogated the life guards, we watched the video of the flight recorded from the motor boat, and we studied the Baltic coast weather conditions on the stated date, such as the atmospheric pressure, the speed and the direction of the wind, the temperature in the different layers of the atmosphere, humidity, visibility, the medical weather type and many other factors. After careful consideration the administration of the Club have concluded, that the above-mentioned incident cannot be qualified as premeditated hooliganism from the ‘PB’ Club member. Regardless of all of the above the novice pilot’s licence will be suspended for the entire summer period and he will not be allowed to pilot for that period. He has been strictly reprimanded and shown that such thoughtless behaviour is unacceptable. He will have to take the additional pre-flight preparation for targeted planning and pay the increased price for the following examination.

Your sincerely President of World Peeing British Club

Signature Date’

Furthermore, the following the letter also said that the Club offers public compensation for the inconvenience caused by its member. The Club will fund the more experienced pilots to take bags of the new kind of tulip bulbs, and spread them among the inhabitants of Jurmala for free, from the low-level flights. The administration expressed hope that such a gift would serve as their apology for the earlier embarrassment.