Читать книгу A Texas Ta-Ta's Take on Internet Dating - Penny MD Mahon - Страница 5

It seems that proper criteria is to go to a restaurant, bar or the proverbial coffee shop for your first “meeting.” It’s usually recommended that you do this in the afternoon or early evening, go in your own car and make sure that one friend knows exactly where you are. Now a friend that truly has your back will have pre-arranged a “get out of date call” at about 30 minutes into it. This leaves you the option of creating an urgent need to leave, or not if the date is going well. I don’t think this really fools them, hell they probably have some kind of “back out plan” too.

I was so excited about meeting this guy, that after having made the obligatory emails and telephone calls, I agreed to meet this guy for breakfast. How dangerous could it be sitting next to a stack of buttermilk pancakes with four choices of syrup? My hormones over-rode my good sense, because I agreed to meet this guy at 3:00 in the morning. (NTR...I had no clue that she was meeting a guy for BREAKFAST and read her the riot act afterwards! I had visions of “Woman dismembered at Denny’s, news flash at 11:00!”...L).

Everyone knows what a slug is and believe me ladies, this guy is the King of all Slugs. He was six feet tall, with an athletic build and very GQ. By GQ, I mean well fitting slacks (and, I do mean well), starched oxford shirt, Gucci loafers complete with tassels and matching belt. From the looks of him, he was definitely younger, which is just fine by me. He had a smile like a 100-watt light bulb and a thick head of dark, shiny hair. He was articulate, and seemed every bit a gentleman. That initial feeling of nervousness evaporated quickly, once he turned on the charm, and for a brief moment (and, I do mean brief), I saw myself picking out a wedding gown. This guy was attractive, funny and knew his way around women. He was so honest in his dishonesty, that I actually liked him. As an experienced Internet dater, he began to tell me the “dos” and “don’ts” of the internet dating world and boy, I hung on every word. As the conversation continued, little bits of the real slime ball came out.

Now, I’m a very direct woman, and I pretty much say what’s on my mind, so I had no problem in asking him what I thought were probing questions. Finally, I must have asked the wrong question, because as I began delving into his reasons for being on the dating website, he revealed to me that he had been in love and engaged recently. “Inquiring minds want to know,” so I asked, “well, what happened?” He dramatically sighed, pushed his Hugh Grant hair out of his eyes and said, “After careful deliberation and painstaking soul-searching on my part and a consultation with my Pastor, I realized that I am shallow. I just couldn’t see myself with this woman for the rest of my life.” I sat there in anticipation awaiting the horrible truth he would reveal about his ex-fiancé. He sighed again and said, “You know, I’m an only child and it’s so important to my mother to carry on my name, but, (and he meant it, literally) I know that her BUTT would have gotten too big after she got pregnant. I just couldn’t let my friends see me with a fat chick.”

Now ladies, I don’t need to go any further. As I sat in stunned silence, my hands clinching and unclinching the salt shaker, I realized that my only REAL course of action was to utter the words, “check please.” I left promptly and he slimed his way out the door, leaving a trail of goo behind him.