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Preparing for Parenthood

The education of a child actually starts before birth, so prospective parents should ask themselves what their real motives are for wanting children of their own. Obviously, I am referring neither to the many supposedly accidental pregnancies nor the unwanted ones. Too few young people anticipating becoming parents do so with pure motives. Many are pushed into parenthood almost in spite of themselves, instead of voluntarily, by family pressure to follow the accepted or conventional pattern. Often their own parents’ intense desire to have grandchildren will lead a couple to comply, if only to avoid feeling guilty.

Some people elect to have a baby to repair a shaky relationship. Others want to have someone to love, or to give them the love they are not receiving from their partner.

Many families desire an heir to their fortune or estate, a successor to the father after he retires or dies. Others want to have children to care for them in their old age. This expectation often prevents the children from living their own lives.

All the above and many other motives are selfish, with little consideration for the welfare of the person entering the family. The conscious decision by a couple to become parents allows a soul the opportunity to incarnate. It can then learn whatever it still needs to experience as well as expend the energy contained in old negative thoughts and actions from past lives. Couples who think primarily in terms of a tiny baby when considering having a child should realise that it will not remain a baby indefinitely. It bears within it a seed ready to germinate and blossom into an individual person under their care.

Sai Baba teaches that a human birth is a great privilege. In that case, it is also a great privilege to be the parents who make it possible and that should therefore be the primary motive for undertaking such an immense responsibility.

Preparation for the Birth of a Child

There is an ancient theory that a soul about to re-enter the earth scene is magnetically attracted to a developing embryo formed by the union of specific parents in an environment best suited to its needs for working out its past karma.

It could, therefore, be concluded that prospective parents can, to a certain extent, influence the type of child they will attract by their characters, attitudes, life-style and motives for becoming parents. Consequently, a relatively serious approach is preferable to the haphazard way many people enter parenthood.

Undertaking the responsibility of rearing and guiding a child needs careful preparation. Since the child will be drawn to a suitable situation for its learning, the parents should make their environment as harmonious as possible. By that, I do not refer merely to the material factors of wealth, position and physical benefits, but rather to the attitude of welcome and the promise of loving care that assures the child of the security it needs during infancy and childhood.

Many couples with whom I have worked have made very careful preparations for the arrival of their children. Some of them accept this new responsibility as an opportunity to examine themselves, their relationship with one another and their combined lives, and attempt to bring all the factors closer to an ideal situation for the entry of a child.

Some couples pray for guidance in preparing for the arrival of the expected child and ask for dreams or other signs to help them. During the pregnancy, some elect to start a daily routine of speaking to the foetus, assuring it that they really want to be its parents and adding an extremely important reassurance, namely, that they would welcome either a boy or a girl. I am always delighted when parents have no preference. I still vividly remember when I was in the hospital following the birth of each of my daughters, hearing screams issuing from a nearby room. Each time I asked the reason, I was told that the mother was very disappointed with the sex of her baby and did not want to accept it. I was horrified at the time and wondered what effect this immediate rejection would have on the child. Since then, I have learned from some of the people with whom I have worked just what a negative effect such a rejection did have on their entire lives.

To desire a child of the preferred sex is in direct opposition to the principle of ‘Thy will, not mine’. It is ego-inspired instead of High C-directed and it prevents union with the God-Self. Thus the indwelling soul of the parent regresses instead of evolving.

There are other very important conditions to be considered preparatory to the birth of a baby to ensure that it will be given a good start in life. These include the health and habits of both parents, but especially those of the mother-to-be. Many warnings are now being given by doctors concerning the deleterious effects on a developing embryo of drugs, tobacco, alcohol and many other items that common sense should recognise as injurious to a developing embryo entirely dependent on the mother’s body, absorbing whatever she ingests.

Many articles, films and videos are being produced to alert people to the especially disastrous effects of drugs. For instance, a child born to parents who habitually use heroin, cocaine or other addictive drugs is likely to be born addicted. It is heartrending to see new-born babies suffering from withdrawal symptoms, let alone the more serious problems they are heir to.

In all cultures there are so-called old wives’ tales influencing what should or should not be done during pregnancy. Some of these are based on truth and should be adhered to, while others have grown out of old superstitions no longer valid. Good common sense is the best guide. But there is no excuse for neglecting to search for current information based on scientific experiments; it is usually easily obtainable from local libraries and the Internet. There are also helpful prenatal classes for both parents which can allay many of the fears caused by lack of precise knowledge.

Many women elect to have their children by natural childbirth methods. Classes are now being offered which both parents can attend in preparation for such a birth. These are an invaluable aid, especially during a first pregnancy. There is nothing more helpful than both parents being as prepared as possible for the forthcoming event. It is also very encouraging for both parents to participate in the choice of a doctor or midwife. Fortunately, many doctors now co-operate with those who prefer natural childbirth. Some also specialise in innovative ways of tending the new-born baby, by prescribing warm baths, oil rubs and gentle massage to ease the first few minutes of life outside the security and comfort of the mother’s womb. In Britain, it is now common practice for hospitals to allow the mother to have her baby nearby in a cot to make the initial separation less traumatic for both of them.

There are many excellent books and films available presenting various new methods of tending the baby immediately following its birth. Drs. Le Boyer and Lamaze were two of the foremost innovators along these lines. Their books, as well as others, are readily procurable from local libraries. Video films can also be purchased or rented well in advance of the time when such information will be needed. These help to prepare the parents by answering many of their questions as they approach the time for delivery and will ensure a calm mind, their fears allayed.

Choosing a Midwife or Doctor

The choice of doctor or midwife is very important. Since the relationship with him or her will continue for at least nine months, it is most desirable that it be harmonious. This is especially important for the expectant mother, to ensure that she will feel free to discuss any worrying symptoms or fears and ask any questions that may arise.

Pregnancy can be a stressful time, especially the first time it is experienced. Every woman should have the right to select a doctor or midwife with whom she feels comfortable and secure and whom she senses will be supportive of her and help to reduce stress as much as possible. Some people hesitate to change doctors when, on closer acquaintance with the one they first chose, they discover an incompatibility or a lack of confidence and ease. If that is so, a woman should seek another more to her liking. The briefly unpleasant task of terminating the relationship with the first one is a small price to pay for the increased comfort and relaxation of the ensuing months. Changing doctors is not a punishable offence, and an expectant mother owes it not only to herself but to the developing baby, her husband and any other members of her family who could be affected by her own uneasiness.