Читать книгу Cherish Collection January 2014 (Books 1-12) - Rebecca Winters - Страница 12

CHAPTER FOUR

ALONE IN HER room Freya slammed her fist down on the dressing table again and again. A storm had invaded her. Rage, bitterness, disillusion and misery fought for supremacy. They all won. She was trapped in their prison and inside her there was no escape.

But outside she could put distance between herself and Jackson. She hurriedly dressed, slipped quietly into the corridor, down the stairs and out of the door. She had no idea where she was going, except that a million miles away from him would not be far enough.

Once before the world had turned upside down, and she’d survived because of Jackson’s comfort and support. But that had been only an illusion. Instead there was a bleak, arid desert where the rest of her life must be lived.

She lost track of time but she must have walked for hours, because when she finally turned back the dawn was breaking.

Nearing the house, she saw her mother, standing at a downstairs window. As soon as she saw Freya she came to the front door.

‘Come along in,’ she said. ‘I saw you leave. You were running as though the fiends of hell were after you. I was worried.’

‘Sorry, Mum. That was inconsiderate of me, but I was ready to murder someone.’

‘Ah, yes, Jackson got Dan on a video link, didn’t he? I heard his voice. You still want to murder Dan?’

‘No, Jackson,’ Freya growled.

‘What? Did I hear that right? But Jackson’s been so nice to you.’

‘Jackson is a lying, scheming, deceitful louse. And, yes, you heard that right. I said it and I mean it.’

‘But he can’t possibly have done anything to justify that. He’s a fine, decent young man.’

‘I thought so too. That’s why I never realised what he’d really done.’

‘Whatever do you mean?’

‘It was because of him that Dan ran for it. He never wanted to marry me, and when they were heading for the church Jackson urged him to dump me then rather than later. So Dan got out of the car.’

‘Darling, I don’t believe this. Jackson would never do such a thing.’

‘He as good as admitted it. He says it was a mistake, but he doesn’t deny Dan left me because of what he said.’

‘Maybe that’s why he’s been so kind and helpful to you since then.’

‘Don’t try to defend him,’ Freya flashed. ‘He’s deceived me.’

‘But I don’t understand. Why did Dan propose if he didn’t want to marry you?’

‘Because Amos forced his hand,’ Freya said bitterly.

‘Never! He was against that wedding. There’s no way he ordered Dan to marry you.’

‘Of course not. He ordered him not to marry me. Dan proposed just to show Amos that he couldn’t be bullied. Then he regretted it, but he couldn’t find a way out. When he and Jackson were in the car Dan told Jackson what had happened, and my brilliantly stupid stepbrother said the one thing that could make it worse. Dan seized his chance and vanished.’

‘Amos ordered Dan to keep his distance from you? Surely not.’

‘Why do you say that? Isn’t it typical of Amos?’

‘Darling, I’ve got no illusions about him. He goes through life doing what he wants. But he’s too shrewd to do something so pathetically stupid. And he does have a nicer side. He’s always been fond of you and he wanted to take you into the family—’

‘No, it’s more like claiming property. He doesn’t have a daughter of his own, and he wanted me to “complete the set”, because he can’t bear not to have everything other people have. He didn’t care which one of his sons he tied me to as long as he put his brand on me. When only Jackson was left he went mad because neither of us would give in.’

‘This is terrible.’ Janine groaned. ‘But if Dan really only proposed for such a reason he’d have been a terrible husband. Jackson was stupid, but maybe he did you a favour in the long run.’

‘Don’t you dare stand up for him!’ Freya cried. ‘When I think of these last few weeks, how I’ve trusted and relied on him, and all the time he was hiding the truth.’

‘Because the truth would have hurt you even more. How could he do that to you?’

‘How could he have let me make such a fool of myself?’

‘He probably wasn’t thinking straight,’ Janine said wryly. ‘Men tend to do what they imagine will sort the problem today without realising that it might make it worse long-term. It obviously didn’t occur to Amos that his threats would have exactly the opposite effect to the one he wanted.’

‘I often wonder why you put up with him. Don’t tell me it’s for the money.’

‘No, if anything his money has been a disadvantage. It looms so large in his life that it leaves no room for anything else.’

‘Then why do you stay with him?’

‘He needs me, my dear. He’s vulnerable in ways he doesn’t realise.’

‘He’d never admit that.’

‘No, he likes to see himself as powerful. That falcon god that Jackson brought back from Egypt has really sent him onto cloud nine. The trouble is, that’s the side of him I find hardest to live with.’

‘Does he know that? No, of course not. It would never occur to him that he doesn’t come up to standard. I’d like to see his face when you tell him that you know what he did to Dan.’

‘I’m not sure that I will tell him. And please don’t you say anything.’

‘All right, I’ll leave it to you. How you handle your horrible husband is your affair.’

‘Forget about Amos. This isn’t about him. It’s about Jackson. Don’t condemn him too much for keeping quiet. He did it because he was feeling his way forward, moment by moment. He didn’t ask himself what would happen when you found out later.’

‘He never meant me to find out at all. He wanted to rule the roost all the time—just like Amos. Like father, like son. Haven’t you noticed how alike they are? You don’t see it at first, because Jackson can seem so charming, but every now and then you’ll catch an expression on his face that makes him the image of Amos.’

‘That’s true,’ Janine mused. ‘I remember Dan telling us that producers were always getting annoyed because Jackson kept insisting that his way was best. He said it laughingly, but—yes, I can imagine.’

‘So can I,’ Freya said cynically. ‘I don’t think it ever crosses Jackson’s mind that he might be wrong.’

Janine stared. ‘Darling, what’s got into you? You’re even more upset than you were when Dan betrayed you.’

‘I’m not upset, I’m furious,’ Freya said quickly.

‘It’s more than that. This has hit you hard—even harder than Dan.’

‘No! Of course it hasn’t—it’s just different. Please, I don’t want to talk about it any more. And I think it’s time I went back to London, got another job and made a new start.’

She didn’t say that she wanted to delete Jackson from her life, but no words were necessary. Each knew what the other was thinking. They hugged, and then Freya left the room to head upstairs.

Neither of them saw the man standing back in the shadows, where he’d hastily retreated to avoid being discovered. Amos knew he needed time to consider everything that he’d overheard. And that perhaps all the time in the world would not be enough.

* * *

There was a flight to London later that morning and Freya secured a seat. When she appeared for breakfast she was already dressed to depart. She found Jackson at the table alone.

‘We need a nice long talk,’ he said to her in a low voice.

‘I’m afraid not. I’m leaving in an hour.’

‘What? Freya, you can’t leave things like this. We have to sort it out.’

‘There’s nothing to sort. I’ve seen the truth about you now, and I don’t like it. This is where it ends. You should be glad. I won’t be a nuisance to you any more.’

He turned away and strode around the room, tearing at his hair.

‘No, I’m not accepting this,’ he said, returning to stand before her.

‘I don’t care what you accept. I didn’t ask your permission,’ she said furiously. ‘I’m returning to London and I don’t want to see or talk to you again.’

‘You’d do this because I made one little mistake?’

‘You treated me with contempt and I don’t see that as a “little mistake”.’

‘Why must you be so unforgiving?’ he demanded. ‘I was wrong, I’ve admitted that. Now I want to put things right.’

‘But they can’t be put right. Ever. And that’s final.’

Jackson stared at her as though seeing her for the first time. Or as though someone else had appeared in her place.

‘I can’t believe this is really you,’ he breathed. ‘I’ve never known you like this before—so hard and unforgiving.’

‘I’m not hard. I’m just someone who’s been pushed around and manipulated enough and I’m not going to put up with it any more. You think this isn’t really me? It’s the me I am now. She’s different to the old one. Don’t mess with her.’

Jackson met her eyes, trying to look deep inside and rediscover the woman he knew. But she’d vanished into thin air, leaving behind an enemy. There was a stab of pain in his heart, but at the same time his temper began to rise.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘Then I won’t mess with her. She’s cold-hearted, ill-natured—well, never mind the rest.’

‘Cold-hearted?’ she echoed in fury. ‘You dare call me cold-hearted after everything that’s happened? I’m the one who’s been knocked down and kicked around by people I trusted. But perhaps you’re right. It’s time I became cold so that it can never happen again.’

‘And you think you can protect yourself from pain for ever?’

‘Yes, because people who feel nothing can’t be hurt.’

‘That’s the coward’s way out. I never thought I’d see it in you, but if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive a mistake from someone who’s truly sorry then you’re not the woman I thought you were. Just who you are is something I won’t stick around to find out. But I’ll say this. Heaven help anyone you meet in future. Heaven help the man who’s fool enough to fall in love with you. Because you’ll kick him in the guts the first time he gets muddled.’

‘That’s all you think it was? A muddle? Oh, no! You just thought you knew better than anyone else.’

‘Yes, I believed I was doing the right thing,’ he shouted. ‘Is that a crime?’

‘It can be.’

‘You’re saying I was wrong to try to protect you from more pain? I failed, but I still think I was right to try.’

How like Amos he looked, with his face set and unrelenting.

‘You’re so sure you know best,’ she challenged.

‘That’s why people do things. Because they think it’s right at the time.’

‘But some people always think they’re right. Look, we’re never going to agree. Let’s leave it there.’

‘Freya, why are you so determined to think the worst of me?’

‘I don’t have any choice.’

‘Of course you do. Something’s making you attack me far more than I deserve.’

‘I’ve just reached a turning point, that’s all. You said it yourself—there’s another side of me coming out.’

‘Then banish her fast, or she’ll haunt you for ever.’

‘Good. She’ll keep me safe.’

‘She’ll destroy you.’

‘That’s my decision. And this time I know best. So let’s get that clear and draw a line under it.’

His face grew even more tense, and she thought he was about to say something else, but the sound of Janine’s voice outside startled them both and made them turn away from each other.

‘There you are,’ she said, entering the room. ‘Have you seen Amos?’

‘He’s out there,’ Jackson said, pointing through the window to where Amos could be seen sitting in the garden, staring out over the bay.

He was very still, unlike his normal restless self. They all watched him for a few moments, but he didn’t move.

‘It’s time I was going to the airport,’ Freya said.

‘Perhaps Jackson could take you.’

‘No!’

They both said it, speaking so swiftly and sharply that Janine was silenced.

Freya slipped away to collect her bags and went to wait in the garden. Amos was still there, still with his eyes fixed on the sea. Before approaching him she stood back, seeing him in a new, hostile light.

This was the man whose bullying had caused Dan’s proposal, thus sowing the seed for the disaster that had followed. This was the man who had made Jackson what he was.

Slowly she approached him.

‘I’m going back to England this morning,’ she said.

‘I hope you have a good journey. Is my chauffeur taking you to the airport?’

‘No, I’ve called a taxi,’ she said. She had no wish to accept favours from him. ‘I’ll say goodbye now.’

Reluctantly, it seemed to her, he turned his head to look up at her. But there was nothing in his eyes. They were as empty as a desert.

‘Goodbye,’ he said.

‘Goodbye.’

When the taxi arrived mother and daughter hugged each other.

‘Goodbye, Mum, I’ll call you when I get home.’

‘Goodbye, Freya,’ Jackson said.

‘Goodbye, Jackson.’

There was no hug between them. They exchanged brief nods, not letting their eyes meet. Both understood that this was goodbye in more than words.

As the taxi pulled away she didn’t look back.

From now on Jackson would be out of her life and out of her mind. But still he haunted her on the flight back to London. Their last terrible quarrel thrummed inside her head, throwing up questions and possible answers.

He’d asked why she was so determined to think the worst of him. It was because she’d once thought the best, and now, from somewhere deep inside her, a protective armour was forming. It would prevent her from ever thinking the best of him again. And that was good. It would save her from a lot of pain.

On that she was resolved.

She would have to reorganise her life in more ways than one, since she had no job and nowhere to live.

As soon as she landed in London she checked into an airport hotel and called her mother.

‘Are you all right?’ Janine asked anxiously.

‘I’m fine. Tomorrow I’m going to sign on with that private nursing agency I worked for once before.’

‘The one that sends you to nurse people in their homes?’

‘That’s right. Then I’ll solve my accommodation problem as well—at least until I’ve made some long-term plans. What’s the atmosphere like there?’

‘Very strange. Amos wants Jackson to tell him more about this falcon god, but Jackson says he hasn’t time to talk. He’s given him a list of websites, so Amos is glued to the computer. If I go into the room he finds an excuse to make me leave.’

‘I guess he thinks he really is a god,’ Freya said wryly.

‘I’m afraid you may be right.’

‘The best of luck in dealing with him. Bye.’

She ate alone in her room, then had an early night. Sleep came easily, but even there the questions clamoured. The bitter pain of discovering that Jackson wasn’t the man she’d thought. The feeling that suddenly nothing in the world was safe, or would ever be safe again. Nothing would drive these away.

He was there in her dreams, regarding her with harsh, angry eyes, uttering cruel words. Cold-hearted. Ill-natured. He had actually called her those terrible names.

She gave a cry and awoke suddenly to find that tears were streaming down her face.

* * *

The next day she registered with the nursing agency, which immediately found her an assignment in London. She told herself that this was the start of a new life that would soon help her to forget the old one.

She often talked on the phone with Janine, who soon had startling news.

‘You’ll never guess what Amos has organised now,’ she said. ‘He’s going to Egypt with Jackson.’

‘Whatever for?’

‘To play at being the falcon god, I suppose. He’s even managed to get the production company on his side. They love Jackson being a Falcon, and now they’ve got two of them. So we can’t stop him. Amos will be coming to London so that he can take the same flight as Jackson. I’ll be coming too, to see him off.’

‘Why don’t you go to Egypt with him?’

‘I would if I thought he wanted me. But things are very strange between us now. Sometimes I look up and catch him giving me an odd look.’

‘What kind of odd look?’

‘I can’t describe it, but it’s one I’ve never seen before. As though he wants to say something but isn’t sure. I almost think he might be going to Egypt to escape from me.’

‘That I don’t believe. Not Amos.’

‘But he’s not the same Amos. He’s a different Amos, and I don’t know who. Now, darling, can we arrange to meet when we come to London?’

‘Easily. My job’s just finishing and I was about to ask for the next assignment.’

‘Take a few days off and join us in the hotel so that we can have a little time together.’

Janine and Amos arrived two days later, and as soon as she met them she knew what her mother meant about Amos. It was as though a quietness had descended on him, making him totally unlike his usual self.

That night there were only the three of them at dinner. Jackson had called to say that there were last-minute affairs he must see to before he could leave the next day. Once again Freya felt herself dividing into two selves. One of them was disappointed not to see him; the other gave a sigh of relief.

She wondered if he too was relieved he could keep their meeting short, because next morning it was late when he joined them at the airport.

‘Sorry,’ he said, embracing Janine. ‘Lost my passport at the last minute. All right now, though. Nice to see you, Freya. Right, Dad, are you ready to go? Good, then we’ll be off. Goodbye, ladies.’

Janine opened her arms to her husband. He came into them, but only for a moment, and again Freya saw the sense of unease that he seemed to carry with him these days.

She was suddenly swamped by an irrational urge to hug Jackson. Despite the hostility that still burned between them it seemed unbearable to part as enemies. Disasters could happen. She might never see him again. Summoning all her courage, she took his arm and said, ‘Don’t I get a hug?’

His smile had a touch of wryness. ‘Are you sure you want me to hug you?’

‘I’ll kick your shins if you don’t,’ she teased, trying to reintroduce some humour into their relationship.

‘That’s my girl,’ he said, opening his arms. His hug was brief, but fierce. ‘Goodbye,’ he said huskily.

‘Goodbye. Jackson—’

‘Gotta be going. Goodbye.’

Then it was over. The two men were walking away, and the two women watched their retreating figures with hearts that ached. At the entrance the men turned and waved one last time. Next moment they were gone.

* * *

Now Freya could really concentrate on putting her life back together. Dan was gone. Jackson was gone. She was free to make a new future.

She accepted another nursing assignment and when it was finished went out to Monte Carlo. In their phone calls something in her mother’s manner had spoken of loneliness.

‘Thank you for coming, darling,’ she said fervently when Freya arrived. ‘You can hold my hand and I can hold yours.’

Freya hugged her, but said, ‘I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. I’m managing just fine.’

Janine gave her a worried look, but was too wise to say anything.

‘How are they doing in Egypt?’ Freya asked over supper.

‘Really well, apparently. Until now they’ve been in Giza, with the Great Pyramids and the Sphinx. But soon they’re going to Edfu, where there’s the temple of Horus. Amos is revelling in being a god.’

‘Now, there’s a surprise.’

The two women laughed.

‘Jackson calls me sometimes, which I appreciate. It’s kind of him to keep me in the picture.’

‘Doesn’t Amos keep you in the picture?’

‘We talk, but I always feel that he’s saying what he wants me to believe rather than telling me how things are.’

‘And what he wants you to believe is that the world revolves around him—which, after all, is what he’s used to.’

Janine gave a little sigh. ‘Well, as long as it keeps him happy.’

‘What about him keeping you happy? This is the twenty-first century. Men are supposed to worry about us as much as we worry about them.’

‘I don’t think many of them know that yet. Jackson’s kind and caring, but he’s still an exception.’

‘Yes, well let’s not talk about that.’

‘You’re still upset with him? When I saw you hug him at the airport—’

‘That was just a sentimental moment,’ Freya said hastily. ‘It came and it went. I’ve accepted reality.’

She spoke with a bright air that warned her mother to pursue it no further. Janine had hoped to find a softening in her daughter’s attitude, but there was little to ease her mind.

‘Freya, darling, can’t you—? Oh, dear, there’s somebody at the door.’

She rose and went out into the hall.

Left alone, Freya went to the window to look out at the glorious bay, where the sun was beginning to set. It was eight o’clock here, which meant that in Egypt it would be nine. What was it like as night fell on that mystical land? Was it as beautiful as daybreak?

She remembered Jackson saying, ‘I’ll never forget standing there as dawn broke, seeing the pyramid slowly emerge from the darkness.’

It was almost eerie the way he still haunted her, cropping up at odd moments, forcing her to armour her mind against him.

The shrill of the telephone interrupted her thoughts.

‘Can you answer that for me?’ Janine called from the hall.

‘All right.’ She lifted the receiver. ‘Hello?’

‘Janine, thank goodness you’re there,’ said Jackson’s voice.

‘I—no. I’m—’

‘I was afraid you might be out and I must talk to you urgently. I’m going to need your help, and I’ll need Freya’s help even more. It’s Amos. He’s started having breathless attacks and dizzy spells, but he won’t admit there’s anything wrong. I’ve told him he should go home, but he won’t hear of it. He won’t go to a doctor here either, so the only hope is for Freya to come to Egypt. He’ll tolerate her keeping a daughterly eye on him.’

‘Jackson—’

‘And if Freya doesn’t want to see me, tell her not to worry. I’ll keep as clear of her as she pleases, just as long as she looks after Dad. That’s all I’ll ask of her. My word on it.’

Freya’s head whirled. Since answering the phone she’d uttered only a few words, and as her voice was very like her mother’s Jackson hadn’t spotted the mistake.

‘Do you think she’ll accept my word?’ Jackson persisted. ‘After what happened—does she still hate me?’

At last Freya forced herself to speak.

‘I don’t hate you, Jackson,’ she said.

There was a stunned silence. At last he spoke, sounding shocked. ‘Freya?’

‘Yes, it’s me. I’d have told you earlier but you didn’t give me the chance. If you need my help you’ll have it, of course.’

‘Do you—mean that?’

‘Of course I mean it. Ah, here’s my mother. You’d better talk to her.’

She handed the phone to Janine, who had just appeared, murmuring, ‘It’s Jackson. He says Amos needs us.’

While Janine listened to the bad news Freya kept a comforting arm around her mother, supporting her when she seemed about to fall.

‘Oh, no!’ she wept. ‘I’ll come at once—’

‘Me too,’ Freya told her, taking the phone. ‘Don’t worry, Mum. I’m going to take care of everything.’ Assuming her most professional voice, she said, ‘Jackson, can you help me with the arrangements?’

‘Certainly. We’re at Giza, and the nearest airport is Cairo.’

For several minutes Freya made notes.

‘As soon as I know the flight times I’ll call you.’

‘Fine. And, Freya, thank you for this. It means so much—I was afraid—’

‘You should have known better. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my mother.’

‘Oh, yes—of course. Right—’

He’d got the message. She was doing this for Janine, and only for her.

As soon as she’d replaced the receiver the two women fell into each other’s arms.

‘Thank you, darling,’ her mother said in a choking voice. ‘I don’t know how I’d cope without you.’

‘You don’t have to,’ Freya assured her. ‘I’m here for you and I always will be. It’s going to be all right. Trust me.’

‘I do, darling. You’re so strong. I think you can do anything, fight any battle. As long as you’re with me I know we’re all safe.’

Freya smiled and said the right things, but inwardly she wished that she too could feel safe. She had no control over what would happen now, and the feeling of being helpless alarmed her. But she’d promised, and she was determined to help her suffering mother.

She would be strong to help her mother.