Читать книгу Cherish Collection January 2014 (Books 1-12) - Rebecca Winters - Страница 18

CHAPTER TEN

IT WAS THE last night. Tomorrow they would start the journey back to Cairo. In the restaurant everyone was celebrating. There were brief speeches of triumph and satisfaction. Somebody proposed a toast to Horus and Hathor, which made them all beam. In reply Amos raised his glass to ‘My loyal subjects!’ Saying it in a humorous way that made everyone laugh and cheer.

Freya looked at Jackson, sitting on the other side of the table, joining in the toasts, enjoying every moment. He was handsome, she had to admit. More handsome than any other man at the table. And others seemed to think so too, because Debra passed him by, touching his shoulder, claiming a friendly kiss before passing on.

Again Freya felt the tremor she’d known when his lips had fleetingly brushed hers. She’d banished that memory, but it refused to be dismissed, slipping back at odd moments, warning her that nothing was finally settled. Nor did she want to dismiss it. She felt herself smiling and didn’t even try not to.

He glanced up, saw her watching him and answered her smile with one of his own. Did he know what she was thinking? she wondered. Was he remembering the same? Was that the meaning behind his smile?

At last it was time to say goodnight. They began to drift out into the hall and up the stairs. But Freya, overcome by a sudden impulse, slipped out of the front door. She wanted to be alone, to walk by the river, to give herself up to memories that she must defy yet could enjoy one last time.

There along the bank was the place where Jackson had kissed her, tenderly brushing his lips against hers as an act of kindness and friendship. How many times had she reminded herself of that? How often had she warned herself not to hope for anything else? How often had she called herself a coward for being determined to avoid love for the rest of her life, or resist it if it couldn’t be avoided?

Here was the place. Here, if nowhere else in the world, she could allow herself to remember the forbidden feelings and revel in them.

‘This is to get rid of Tommy,’ he’d said. ‘Only that. Do you understand?’

He’d tried to protect her from responding to him. And he’d failed.

Closing her eyes, she leaned against the rail, raising her face to the glowing moon, and allowed the tremors to run through her again.

For the last time, she promised herself. The very last time.

At last she opened her eyes.

He was there.

At first she thought he was a delusion, but then she realised that Jackson was standing there, just a few feet away, watching her.

‘I guess we both had the same idea,’ he said, coming towards her.

‘We both—?’ Her heart was beating with either hope or disbelief. Or perhaps the two of them.

‘Coming out here,’ Jackson said. ‘I had to take a walk along the river. I’ve loved this place and I’ll be sorry to leave. I’m glad you feel the same. It’s a pity you didn’t summon me to come with you. If you say you don’t want me I’ll go away.’

‘No, don’t do that,’ she said quickly. Pulling herself together, she assumed a nonchalant demeanour. ‘I just thought you were tired and wanted to get to bed.’

‘Meaning I’m a wimp? Thank you, ma’am. No, I wouldn’t want to miss a last look here. It’s a lovely place.’

Freya had command of herself now and managed to say lightly, ‘It’s affected us all in so many ways. Amos, my mother.... Things seem so different between them now.’

‘Yes, ever since he learned that she had her doubts about him. Perhaps it explains that dramatic gift to “Hathor”. She’s got him worried. He won’t admit it, but he’s trying to bind her to him.’

‘But Mum didn’t marry him for his money and she isn’t a woman to be impressed by grand gestures. If he’s trying to win her heart again he’s going the wrong way about it.’

‘Yes, and he thinks he’s being so clever,’ Jackson mused. ‘That’s the trouble. It’s easy to think you’re being clever when you’re actually making a woman despise you.’

She regarded him with her head on one side and a teasing smile on her face.

‘Despise you? I shouldn’t think you have much to worry about in that direction. Your fan base doubles every day, so I hear. I expect Travis is getting quite jealous.’

‘Ha-ha!’ he said ironically. ‘Yes, I have my female fans—women who don’t know me, who wouldn’t give tuppence for me if they did know me. I’m talking about real relationships. I’ve never been brilliant at those.’ He hesitated before saying, ‘There was this girl—it took me too long to realise what we might be to each other, and by the time I did—well, I’d messed up.’

She too paused before speaking, wondering if she’d divined his true meaning.

‘So what happened? Has she married someone else?’

‘No, but I expect she will.’

‘Maybe not,’ she said carefully. ‘She might have gone off the whole idea.’

‘Blaming all men because of one useless dope? That’s a bit hard, isn’t it?’

‘Perhaps she thinks all men are useless dopes,’ Freya said, elaborately casual.

‘She might be right. But some are less dopey than others.’

‘And some are more dopey than others.’ She laughed softly. ‘And some are so hopelessly dopey that it’s a waste of time trying to improve them.’

He considered this. ‘She shouldn’t judge too soon. It might be time well spent.’

‘Maybe—maybe not. We might never know.’

‘Oh, yes,’ he said softly. ‘We’ll know. Perhaps we already know. But things get in the way. If we let them.’

‘If we let them it’s because there’s no choice,’ she said gently.

‘Then we’ll have to wait and find out.’

She nodded, meeting his eyes directly. It felt good to be here, talking in a mysterious way that might mean something or might not. That would be decided in another world.

Neither of them realised that they were being watched from a window on the second floor of the hotel. Absorbed in each other, they didn’t glance up, but began to walk along the river, hand in hand, until they were out of sight.

‘Oh, that’s lovely,’ Janine said, drawing back from the window. ‘They look so right together.’

‘Of course they’re right together,’ Amos said. ‘I’ve always said so, but nobody would listen to me.’ He gave a deep, self-satisfied sigh. ‘I knew it would work.’

‘Knew what would work?’

‘Getting Freya out here.’

‘She came out to look after you because you were unwell.’

‘That’s what I wanted everyone to think, but there was nothing really wrong with me. I was sure that once she was here they’d get together at last.’

‘Nothing wrong with you?’ Janine repeated slowly. ‘All those breathless attacks—’

‘They weren’t difficult to stage. I did it to make you both come out here. I knew they’d have to spend a lot of time together.’ He gave a rich chuckle. ‘And it worked. Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that. You know I occasionally bend the facts a little.’

‘A little?’ she breathed. ‘This wasn’t a little. It was a massive deceit.’

‘But it was for a good cause. Wouldn’t you like to see them married?’

‘Yes—if it’s what they both want. But not just because they were manipulated.’

‘All I did was give them the chance to be together. Was that wrong?’

‘No,’ Janine said. ‘But you could have confided in me. If you’d told me that your illness was only a pretence—let me be part of it—if only you’d trusted me enough to do that. But you shut me out. Do you know how I’ve felt since I thought you were ill again? I’ve lain awake at night, worrying about you. It never once crossed my mind that the whole thing was an act to get your own way.’

She seemed to pull herself up short, and a new, harder note came into her voice.

‘But perhaps it should have done. As you say, I know what you’re like. I know you don’t have a conscience about how you make everyone jump to do your bidding. I even know about how you tried to order Dan to stay away from Freya.’

Amos raised his head to gaze at her with a mixture of astonishment and dismay. For once in his life words did not come easily.

‘Yes,’ he mumbled. ‘Well—’

Janine regarded him curiously. ‘Is that all you’ve got to say? Did you hear what I just told you? I know about what you did with Dan—how you tried to break him up with Freya.’

‘Let’s leave that,’ he said hastily.

‘You don’t seem surprised. Don’t you wonder how I knew?’

‘I know Freya told you,’ he growled.

‘How?’

‘I—I happened to be passing the door when she was talking.’

‘I see. You “happened” to be passing the door, and then you “happened” to stay there and spy on us. And you heard—?’

‘Yes,’ he snapped. ‘I heard everything.’

Everything. The word seemed to echo in the air. ‘Everything’ meant he’d heard her remarks about him.

‘He likes to see himself as powerful. The trouble is, that’s the side of him I find hardest to live with.’

He knew she’d said that. And he’d heard Freya ask why she stayed with him, heard her reply.

‘He needs me. He’s vulnerable in ways he doesn’t realise.’

How he would resent her for daring to suggest that he was vulnerable!

‘I heard everything,’ Amos repeated now in a harsh voice. ‘So I’ve known all this time that you know about me and Dan. But you never said anything to me about it.’

‘What could I say?’ she flung at him. ‘For a while I tried not to believe it. I didn’t want to think that even you would go that far. But in my heart I knew it was true, and I know it even more now that you’ve told me about the trick you pulled to get Freya out here.’

‘I was trying to save her from pain, and I was right. Dan behaved as badly as I knew he would.’

‘You were the cause of her pain. Dan would never have proposed in the first place if you hadn’t made him angry. Don’t try to play the saint, Amos. You thought of what you wanted and nothing else, and that’s why Freya got hurt. And now she’ll get hurt again, because you have to twist everything.’

‘Why should she be hurt again? Jackson’s a good man. He’ll make her a fine husband.’

‘Who says she’ll marry him? Who says she’ll marry any man? Don’t you understand that now she sees your sex in a completely new light and it isn’t a favourable one? And I can understand that. But you just can’t see anyone else’s point of view. This latest deception—’

‘My dear—’

‘Don’t call me that. I’m not your dear. I wonder if I ever was.’

‘I was only going to say that “deception” is pitching it too strong. I played a little trick, that’s all.’

‘One trick too many. You really are as unpleasant as people say.’

‘Don’t make a drama out of this. Perhaps I should have told you that I was pretending, but what would you have done? Helped me? I don’t think so.’

‘So anyone who dares to disagree with you is banished out into the cold?’ She gave a great sigh. ‘And that includes me.’

Amos waved his hands helplessly. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. Look, I’m sorry. But we can put it behind us.’

‘Perhaps you can. I’m not sure that I can.’

‘But I’ve tried to show you how much you mean to me. Look at those lovely jewels I gave you.’

‘Oh, Amos, you’re as blind to the truth about yourself as you’re blind to other people. That wasn’t a gift to me. That was a parade in the spotlight for you.’

‘You were in the spotlight too. Everyone said how marvellous you looked.’

‘I didn’t want the spotlight. It would have been nicer to be alone with you. But when we got back to our room you couldn’t wait to take the jewels off me and lock them away safely.’

He gave a grumpy sigh. ‘I don’t know what to say to you.’

‘You never did,’ she told him softly. ‘Let’s not talk about it any more now. I need to do some thinking about the future.’

‘What are you saying?’ he demanded. ‘We’re married. That’s the future.’

‘Perhaps. Let me think about it first.’

‘You’d do better getting some sleep. You’re tired. That’s what this is all about. Tomorrow none of it will matter.’

But he didn’t risk looking at her as he said it. She might have seen the fear in his eyes.

* * *

‘Perhaps it’s time we went back,’ Jackson said.

He hailed a horse-drawn carriage and helped her aboard. For a few minutes they sat enjoying the clip-clopping rhythm. He took her hand in his.

‘Freya,’ he said softly, ‘there’s something— I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to— Please understand and don’t hate me again.’

‘Hate you for what?’

‘This,’ he said, taking her into his arms.

At once she knew that she’d wanted this ever since that night. One part of her mind told her she should be cautious and resist him, but everything else in her knew that she would never have forgiven him if he hadn’t placed his lips on hers, tenderly but insistently.

Her response was beyond her own control, making her slip her hands up around his neck, then his head, drawing him closer so that her mouth could explore his more thoroughly. He made a soft, sighing sound and increased his fervour.

‘Freya?’ he whispered.

‘Yes— Yes—’

Somewhere at the back of her mind a warning voice tried to say no, but she ignored it. She would be sensible another time, but for now she could only allow her feelings to take over, driving her towards him, ever closer, ever more desirous.

‘I’ve wanted this ever since last time,’ he murmured.

‘But you said—friendship—’

‘I know. But I was wrong. I can’t help it. It’s there between us and I can’t make it go away. Freya—’

Whatever answer she might have made was silenced in the renewed pressure of his lips, moving fiercely over hers. Helplessly she abandoned all efforts at self-control and gave herself up to the pleasure that was coursing through her.

It was a kiss of discovery for both of them.

Jackson had followed her out in the hope of making this very thing happen, yet even he was caught off-guard by sensations and emotions. He’d imagined himself prepared for those feelings, but nothing could have prepared him for what was happening deep in his heart and his body.

Horus had warned him that he was falling in love, but even Horus didn’t understand everything. The road that stretched ahead was one that he must negotiate by himself. Perhaps with her help.

Freya felt as though everything was whirling about her. What was happening now was exactly what she had vowed she would never allow. But she seemed to have been transported to another world, one where her determination counted for nothing.

She had enjoyed Dan’s kisses, but she knew now that he’d never given her this sense of conveying a secret message from his inner self. Willing or not, she responded, moving her lips in soft caresses, sending her own message from a part of herself she’d never known before.

It was like becoming a different person with different thoughts and feelings in a different world. And she knew that she must become this new person—or refuse to become her to her own eternal regret. She must make the decision any moment now, but first she would allow herself to relish the joy that possessed her for one more moment—one more—one more...

‘We’ve arrived,’ Jackson murmured. ‘Let’s slip in quietly.’

They managed to cross the lobby and go up in the elevator without being seen by anyone who knew them.

At the door of her room she stood, hesitant.

‘Can I come in?’ Jackson whispered, moving closer.

Unable to speak, she nodded and opened the door. He followed her in, closed the door and immediately took her in his arms.

‘I’ve wanted this,’ he murmured. ‘I was sure our time must come—and now it has. Don’t you feel that?’

She couldn’t answer, for he was kissing her again, holding her tighter than before, his eyes, his mouth, his whole body full of intent. The moment was drawing near.

Suddenly she drew a long, trembling breath.

‘No. Jackson. Wait.’

‘What is it?’

‘I—I don’t know, but I can’t— I’m not ready.’

‘We’re both ready. This has been waiting for us.’

‘No, please—’

‘Freya—’

‘Let me go.’

‘But I—’

‘Let me go, please.’

She felt a fierce tremor go through him and for a moment she thought he would refuse. But then he dropped his hands and stepped back. He was breathing heavily, and she had the feeling that he was fighting for control.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean this to happen. But I’m not sure— I need more time.’

‘All right,’ he said in a rasping voice. ‘Don’t worry. I’m going.’

‘Jackson, I’m really sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry,’ he said. ‘There’s still a lot we don’t know about ourselves and each other. We’ll have time to find out and then—then will be the time for you to make your decision. I’ll be waiting for you, and I know you’ll come to me. Goodnight.’

She was left looking at the closed door, shaking with the ferocity of her own reaction and the struggle within herself.

She had wanted what was happening. Her whole self had seemed to cry yes. But without warning everything had gone into reverse. Yes had become no.

And the reason, deny it as she might, was fear. Jackson had said there was still a lot they didn’t know. He was right. And one thing she didn’t know was whether she could risk falling in love again after the first disaster.

Coward, she told herself scornfully. You keep telling yourself that you weren’t really in love with Dan. And you weren’t. You know that now.

But she’d believed she was at the time. The devastation had been terrible, and too little time had passed for her to recover her courage.

And courage mattered. Instinct told her that it would need every scrap of daring she could find to love Jackson. And just now she wasn’t sure she wanted to take the risk.

He’d known how uncertain things were between them, but only she understood how uncertain they might always be.

‘I’ll be waiting for you, and I know you’ll come to me.’

The memory of those words almost made her cry out in anger and frustration.

How certain he was that her decision would be the one he wanted. Before she even knew it herself.

She wouldn’t allow herself to think tonight. She lay down, seeking the release of sleep, but it was denied. Her mind was in turmoil, and after tossing and turning for half an hour she sat up, realising that there were raised voices coming from Amos and Janine’s room next door.

She went out. The voices were sharper, revealing that a row was going on.

She heard Amos snap, ‘You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.’

Then he came storming out and stomped away down the corridor without seeing Freya. Quickly she knocked on the door, which Janine opened, standing back to usher her in.

‘Mum, what’s happened? What are you rowing about?’

‘The way he’s behaved to you.’

‘You mean that business with Dan? Don’t worry, that’s history.’

‘It’s not just that. You’d think he’d learn his lesson about interfering in other people’s lives, but no. Not him. He’s still trying to marry you off to Jackson.’

‘What? Surely not?’

‘That’s why he got you out here.’

‘But he was poorly...he needed looking after— Oh, no! Tell me what I’m thinking is wrong. He couldn’t— He didn’t—’

‘I’m afraid he did. There was nothing wrong with him. That heavy breathing was an act. He meant you to come out here, spend a lot of time with Jackson, and—oh, well, you can guess the rest.’

Freya banged her hand against her forehead, snapping out a thoroughly unladylike word.

‘I don’t know why I’m surprised,’ she said. ‘You said he couldn’t surprise me any more. He actually thought that Jackson and I—after everything that’s happened—’

‘Well, the two of you do seem to be getting on very well again.’

‘Only as friends,’ Freya said quickly. ‘Nothing more. How did you learn what he’d been up to?’

‘Earlier tonight we saw you wandering along the riverbank together and he was so pleased with himself that he told me what he’d done—pretending to be ill to get you out here.’

‘And you were so worried...’ Freya breathed. ‘Didn’t he understand what he was doing to you?’

‘Does he ever understand anything that doesn’t suit him?’

‘No, never. Well, that’s it. He doesn’t need me, so I’m going back to England. I don’t think I can endure the sight of him any more.’

‘I think I’ll come with you. I need to put some space between Amos and me while I try to see into the future. Don’t go to England. Come to Monte Carlo and stay with me for a while.’

‘All right. It’ll be good to have some time alone together. Are you seriously thinking of leaving Amos?’

‘I don’t really know. What I do know is that things between us aren’t as I hoped, and I have to mull it over. I need space and to be free of him for a while.’

‘Yes,’ Freya murmured. ‘To be free.’