Читать книгу Cherish Collection January 2014 (Books 1-12) - Rebecca Winters - Страница 19

CHAPTER ELEVEN

AS THEY WAITED for the coach the next morning Jackson came to stand beside Freya.

‘What’s up with them?’ he asked, inclining his head to Amos and Janine. Although they were standing together there was an unmistakable air of frostiness.

‘They’ve quarrelled, and this time it’s serious,’ Freya said. ‘She found out that he never was ill. He only pretended to be short of breath.’

‘But why?’

‘To make me come out here and to get you and me together. He hasn’t given up, and this is his latest trick.’

Jackson swore under his breath. ‘I could strangle him!’

‘Join the queue.’

‘How did your mother find out?’

‘He told her. Apparently he was so sure the trick had worked that he boasted about it.’

‘I should have realised, but I can hardly believe it—even of him. Goodness knows what the atmosphere will be like between him and Janine now.’

‘You don’t need to worry about that. Mum’s going home. She says she needs to get away from him for a while. And I’m going with her.’

‘Must you?’

‘I can’t let her be alone now she’s so unhappy.’

‘I suppose not, but I wish you weren’t going. Ah, well, we’ll be finished in Egypt soon. Once we’re all back in England things will be better. We can meet and talk.’

‘I shan’t be in England for a while. I’m going to Monte Carlo with her.’

‘How long for?’

‘I’m not sure. Certainly until Amos comes home, and maybe a while after that if I think she needs me.’

‘But, Freya—’

‘Oh, look, Amos is waving at you. Perhaps you should go and talk to him.’

He seemed about to protest, but then he nodded and went over to his father.

Freya joined Janine.

‘You were both very quiet at breakfast.’

‘I’ve told him I’m returning to Monte Carlo and he’s furious with me. But I’m going anyway. My days of jumping to do his bidding are over.’

‘It’s news to me that you ever did jump to do his bidding.’

‘I tried to please him as often as possible. If I had to refuse him I did it gently, lovingly. But now I have to make a stand. I’m doing what suits me, and if he doesn’t like it he can take a running jump.’

‘Good for you. I’ll call the airport as soon as we reach Cairo.’

On the coach journey they sat together, while Jackson claimed the seat beside his father. Their words were inaudible, but Freya sensed that Jackson was trying to soothe him. She doubted that he was totally successful, but Amos’s scowl faded, to be replaced by a look that might have been sadness.

When they reached the hotel in Cairo Freya went straight to the reception desk and asked for a call to be put through to the airport. What followed took only a few minutes.

‘There’s a plane leaving for Nice tonight,’ she told Janine. ‘I’ve booked us on it.’

She heard Amos’s harsh gasp and guessed that he’d counted on having this evening to pressurise Janine into staying. But Freya knew her mother’s mind was made up. Suddenly everything had changed, making her stronger. Clearly Amos had also sensed that change, but he seemed unable to cope with it. Freya actually found herself feeling sorry for him.

Jackson and Amos came with them to the airport and saw them as far as Check In. Jackson drew Freya aside.

‘I wish you weren’t going,’ he said, his hands gentle but firm on her arms.

‘You’ll be better without me,’ she said. ‘I’m a distraction. It’s your first job with this firm. You have to give it everything.’

‘There’s only one thing in the world that can make me want to give everything. All myself. All my heart and soul.’

‘Don’t.’ She laid her fingertips over his mouth. ‘Not yet.’

‘Not yet? But perhaps some day soon?’

‘I don’t know,’ she said desperately.

‘But one thing you do know. I’m yours if you want me. Do you need to know more?’

‘I need time. Sometimes things seem so clear and sometimes everything’s a wild confusion. Please, Jackson.’

‘All right. I guess I can be patient as long as I have some hope. But don’t torture me too long. Please.’

‘Jackson, I don’t— I can’t—’

Their boarding call came from the loudspeaker.

‘I must go,’ she said quickly. ‘Goodbye.’

‘Goodbye—until we meet again.’

Together the two women walked away through Check In and on to the Departure Lounge. At the end of the corridor they turned and saw the two men still standing there, watching them from a distance.

Freya had an eerie feeling of history repeating itself in mirror image. It was only a few weeks ago that she and Janine had stood together in an airport, watching Amos and Jackson depart. There had been desolation in her heart then, although nothing like what she felt now. It was all so different, and she no longer knew what to think about anything in the world. Including Jackson. Including her own heart.

His words should have made her spirits soar. Yet to hear his declaration of love when she was walking away from him, perhaps for ever, had sunk her in despair.

I’m mad, she thought. Mad, crazy, stupid. And I have no idea what to do about it.

‘Are they still there?’ Janine asked, straining to see.

‘Yes,’ Freya whispered. ‘Still there.’

‘Oh, yes. Look how alike they are. It almost makes you believe in Horus the Elder and Horus the Younger.’

‘Don’t,’ Freya said with a shudder.

‘You’re right. Let’s put them behind us.’

When they had turned the corner out of sight the two men watching them stood for a moment without moving.

At last Amos spoke. ‘So that’s that.’

‘I wonder,’ Jackson mused, ‘just how often that really is that.’

‘I know this has got you down, but don’t give in to those feelings. Just because a woman goes away it doesn’t mean she’s abandoned you. Of course she’d like you to think so. It’s a power game. You’re supposed to go after her. And if you don’t, she’ll come back to you.’

Slowly Jackson turned his gaze on his father. ‘That’s what you really think, is it?’

‘Just remember, don’t be the one to give in. You’ve got to be strong. That’s the rule of life and the rule of love.’

‘Unless it backfires,’ Jackson murmured. ‘And what do you do then? Especially if she’s playing by different rules, and you don’t know what they are.’

Amos gave a snort of derisive laughter. ‘Women always play by different rules, and no man ever knows what they are. All you can be sure of is that they’ll trip you up if they can.’

‘Then I reckon we’ve both been tripped up,’ Jackson observed. ‘It’s time we were going.’

* * *

For much of the flight from Cairo to Nice Freya gazed out of the window at the clouds. By the time they got into the taxi from Nice to Monte Carlo she was ready to sleep. It was a relief to let her mind do nothing.

As the days passed she was glad she’d chosen to be with her mother. It was a long time since they had been alone together, able to talk freely and confide their troubles. It meant facing searching questions from Janine, but they forced her to confront herself and her own confusion.

‘You really came with me to get away from Jackson, didn’t you?’ Janine asked once.

‘Yes, I think I did.’

‘I thought you two had made up. Have you quarrelled again?’

‘No.’ She sighed. ‘It’s not a quarrel. It’s sadder than that.’

‘If it’s not a quarrel, what can it possibly be?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘But it worries you. Darling, if you’re falling in love with him don’t fight it just to teach Amos a lesson.’

‘I’m not falling in love with him.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Quite sure,’ she said firmly.

‘It’s just that when it all happened I had the strangest feeling that quarrelling with Jackson hurt you more than losing Dan.’

‘Mum, will you let it go, please? I’m not falling in love with Jackson.’

If Janine thought her daughter was trying to convince herself she was too tactful to say so.

‘All right, darling,’ she murmured. ‘Whatever you say.’

‘I’m not ready to fall in love with anyone yet,’ Freya asserted. ‘Maybe never.’

Even to Janine she could not explain the storm of confusion that Jackson caused within her. Part of her yearned towards him, longed for his love. But part of her recoiled from the strength of her own feelings—especially for a man she did not completely trust.

He was too much like Amos—too likely to indulge in deception to achieve his ends. But his charm could make her forget the danger, and his kisses had a power that alarmed her. She missed him terribly, but she also felt safer at a distance.

On the day Amos announced that he would soon be home Freya received a call from Cassie in Paris.

‘She’s making another repayment to me,’ she told Janine, ‘and she says that since I’m getting so interested in finance I should visit them and learn some more about it. I’ve said yes. It’ll get me out of the way when Amos arrives. I think the two of you need to be alone.’

‘Good idea,’ Janine agreed. ‘Have a wonderful time in Paris.’

Two days later Freya was comfortably ensconced in a room at La Couronne, the luxurious Paris hotel that Cassie and Marcel jointly owned and where they lived. She plunged into the pleasures of this new life, learning about finance and being treated as an honoured guest.

Jackson called her every day. She talked to him cheerfully, but in a way that revealed no feelings.

‘I’m having a wonderful time,’ she declared. ‘Paris is lovely and I’m really enjoying my new life. Just you wait and see. I’m going to be the businesswoman of the year.’

‘I’m sure you can be anything you want. So that’s it? You’ve got the future all arranged?’

‘Maybe. I’ve discovered that you don’t arrange the future. It just happens and you try to turn it to your advantage.’

‘Very shrewd. Right, I’ve got to go now. Goodbye.’

‘Goodbye,’ she said, hanging up. ‘Goodbye...’

And it might be goodbye finally. Perhaps that was what the future held. If so, she would do her best to turn it to her advantage.

There was no lack of pleasures available to her. Marcel even had a handsome friend, Pierre, who paid her particular attention.

‘I must warn you about him,’ Marcel said one evening. ‘He needs money, and word’s got around that you could afford a few investments.’

‘That’s what I figured,’ she replied. ‘Don’t worry, I’m in no danger.’

The four of them would sometimes dine together downstairs in La Couronne’s restaurant, and Pierre would give a performance of devotion that might have convinced her if she’d wanted to be convinced. As it was, she merely laughed, heard his speeches with a pretence of attention and let him kiss her hand.

‘Hey, look who’s here.’ Cassie said suddenly one evening.

Turning, they saw a man standing nearby, watching them with hard eyes. His gaze was fixed on Pierre, holding Freya’s hand to his lips, and a fierce glow seemed to come from him.

It was Jackson.

Marcel rose, greeting his brother cheerfully, bringing him over to the table.

‘Great to see you. Why didn’t you say you were coming?’

‘It was a last-minute decision and I can’t stay long. Freya, can we go somewhere?’

‘But surely you can have something to eat first,’ Cassie protested.

‘Thank you, but I can’t. Freya?’

‘Yes,’ she said.

There was no way of refusing this man’s fierce intent. The moment had come. The moment that in her heart she had always known would come.

He didn’t speak as she led him into the elevator and up to her room. When the door was closed she spoke in a voice that sounded tremulous even to her own ears.

‘You gave me a shock, appearing out of the blue like that.’

‘Are you surprised that I came here? You shouldn’t be. You practically forced me.’

‘I didn’t force you.’

‘When we speak on the phone it’s like talking to a stranger. Is that what you want to be to me? A stranger?’

‘No, of course not. But—’

‘Whenever we’ve spoken I’ve felt that you’ve withdrawn a little further.’

‘It’s just that I’m very busy.’

‘Too busy to spend time with the man who loves you? Don’t look so surprised. I told you at the airport that I love you—’

‘You didn’t actually use the word love,’ she mused.

‘I told you I was yours, heart and soul. If that doesn’t mean love, what does it mean? And you must have guessed my feelings before that.’

‘I know that we both got carried away. So much has happened that we can’t really see each other straight any more. Isn’t it better to step back and wait a little?’

‘No, it isn’t better. And wait for what? For you to let me into your life? I could wait for ever for that. And I won’t wait. I love you. I think I’ve loved you for a long time, and I’d probably have realised it sooner but for Dad. The way he kept trying to force us together just had the opposite effect. But we can’t let him do that to us. I’ve held back, waiting for you to see that we belong with each other not because of Dad but in spite of him.’

‘How do you know that we belong together?’ she cried. ‘Just because it’s what you want?’

‘No, I think it’s what you want too. I feel it when I hold you in my arms. I feel it even more when I kiss you and you kiss me back. I think you love me as much as I love you.’

‘You have no right to take that for granted.’

‘You think I believe only what I want to believe? All right, why don’t you prove me wrong?’

Before she could answer he’d taken her in his arms and was kissing her with an intensity that had a hint of desperation. The instinct to resist him flared for the briefest moment and died before the ferocity of her own feelings. Without wanting to she was kissing him back, moving her lips in ways that she knew challenged him, teased him, taunted him.

‘I had to come here,’ he said. ‘I told myself I was going to be patient, but I can’t think of anything but you. I want to marry you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I can’t believe that it’s all for nothing. Freya, don’t tell me it’s all on my side. You wouldn’t kiss me like that if you felt nothing for me. You’re mine. You can’t be anyone else’s.’

But suddenly the fear was there again, making her struggle free.

“That’s the sort of thing Dan said,’ she cried. ‘And it was all a lie. No, leave me alone.’

‘But I want to marry you. I have to. I won’t give up.’

‘Do you know how much like your father you sound when you say that? He announces what he wants and everyone has to fall in line.’

‘I’m not my father, and I’m not like him. I’m not doing this to please him. I think I’ve wanted to marry you for a long time.’

‘How long? Was that in your mind on my wedding day, when you drove my groom away? Has that been the truth all the time?’

‘Don’t say that. Don’t even think it.’

‘Why shouldn’t I say it? You’ve as good as admitted it.’

‘No!’

‘That’s been the truth all the time, hasn’t it? You wanted me so you manipulated everything to get me. I trusted you. I relied on you. I felt I could turn to you. But you’ve never really been the man I thought you were.’

‘If that’s what you truly think of me,’ he said, ‘then I’ve been wasting my time. We’ve both been deceived in each other.’

He drew a long, rasping breath.

‘I’d better go. If I stay any longer I could start to hate you as much as I love you.’

‘Yes, go—go!’

He stepped back to the door, opened it, and then paused to say quietly, ‘I’ve never loved anyone in my life as much as I love you. When I understood that it was like the sun coming out in the universe. I felt that nothing could ever be the same again. And it won’t be. But I didn’t realise it would be like this. Goodbye, Freya. I hope that somehow you find the good life that I can’t give you.’

The door closed.

Freya reached out her hands towards it, but stopped, drew back, and threw herself on the bed in a passion of sobs.

* * *

Again she had a sense of history repeating itself. After Dan’s desertion she’d set herself to build a new life. Now she was rebuilding again, but she knew that Jackson had not deserted her. It was she who had deserted him.

The thought of his pain broke her heart, but she knew she’d had no choice. Something wasn’t right between them, and until she understood it and dealt with it there was no way of going forward.

In her darkest moments she feared that there never would be a way.

She tried to distract herself by concentrating on business, learning something new from Marcel and Cassie every day. They both acclaimed her as a splendid pupil.

‘I think life as a businesswoman might well suit you,’ Marcel observed one evening. ‘You’ve got the shrewdness and clear sight, plus a good head for figures. And you’re not easily taken in.’

‘You mean I saw through Pierre and the other men who thought they could seduce me and part me from my money?’

‘Yes, it was wonderful watching you,’ Cassie chuckled.

‘They were easy to see through,’ Freya said with a shrug. ‘Mind you, most men are.’

‘Stick with that belief,’ Marcel told her. ‘You’ll end up as a millionaire.’

They all laughed.

He was about to refill their glasses when the phone rang.

‘Who can that be at this time of night? Hello? Leonid! Good to hear from you. What’s that? Congratulations! How is Perdita? Fantastic!’

‘Has she had the baby?’ Cassie asked eagerly.

‘Yes. It’s a girl. Mother and daughter are doing fine.’

‘Wonderful!’ Freya and Cassie exclaimed, throwing their arms around each other.

After a few more minutes Marcel hung up.

‘We’re all invited to the christening,’ he said.

‘Lovely!’ Cassie cried. ‘I’ve always wanted to see Moscow. Oh, Freya, won’t that be exciting?’

‘Thrilling,’ she agreed.

It would be good to see Jackson. Things might never again be right between them, but she needed to see his face, watch his eyes, discover the future.

The next day she returned to Monte Carlo, to discover Janine in an edgy mood.

‘I hoped things would be better between you and Amos by now,’ she ventured.

‘He plays the devoted husband, but I’m not fooled. You only have to look at how eager he is to go to Moscow.’

‘But of course. He’s going to be a grandfather,’ Freya argued. ‘The world’s going to have another Falcon.’ She struck a theatrical attitude. ‘An addition to a great dynasty. He must be basking in it.’

‘Oh, yes,’ Janine sighed. ‘And if it was just that I wouldn’t mind. But I can’t help thinking about Varushka, Leonid’s mother.’

‘I thought she was dead.’

‘She is. She died six months ago, and he made a dash to Russia to be there at her bedside to say goodbye.’

‘But doesn’t he still have some business interests over there? He was probably visiting anyway.’

‘No. We were planning a few days away, to celebrate my birthday, but he suddenly announced that he had to go to Russia urgently. He dashed off the same day and was gone nearly a week. He said it was business, but the day after he got back there was an e-mail from Leonid, thanking him for being there to say goodbye to Varushka. Of course I wasn’t supposed to see it, and he doesn’t know that I did. But he’s never mentioned her—just told me a pack of lies.’

‘But, Mum, it doesn’t mean that he loved her. It was probably for Leonid’s sake.’

‘Yes, his sons are more important to him than anyone else,’ Janine agreed wryly. ‘More important than wives.’

‘Did he ever make it up to you for your birthday?’

‘He would claim that he did. I got a diamond necklace, but we didn’t go away. Taking a trip involves time and work, but necklaces are easy.’ She added ironically, ‘As I have reason to know.’

‘Hathor,’ Freya said, remembering that night in Edfu.

‘Yes, it makes you wonder if that’s how Horus bought her off.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘I’m sure Hathor always said the right thing to keep him happy. That’s what one learns to do.’

‘I’m not so sure. Some of us never learn to do that.’

‘You’ll learn with Jackson.’

‘Will I? I don’t think so. I guess I’m too clumsy.’

‘You just need practice. It’s lucky he’ll be there in Russia.’

‘Yes,’ Freya murmured. ‘He will, won’t he?’