Читать книгу Cherish Collection January 2014 (Books 1-12) - Rebecca Winters - Страница 20

CHAPTER TWELVE

LEONID HANDLED ALL the arrangements for their trip to Russia. First they would go to the little town of Rostov, for the christening. Then they would spend a few days in Moscow, celebrating.

The flight for Russia left from Nice Airport. Amos, Janine and Freya began the journey by staying overnight in Nice, where they were joined by Cassie and Marcel.

‘Since the baby was born in Moscow, why isn’t it being christened there?’ Marcel wanted to know as they all shared a drink in the evening.

‘Rostov was his mother’s home,’ Cassie said. ‘He just managed to tell her about the baby before she died, and he wants to christen it in the church where she’s buried.’

‘Fancy Leonid being sentimental!’ Marcel exclaimed.

‘Hush,’ Freya urged quietly. ‘Don’t let my mother hear you.’

‘Surely she’s not troubled by Varushka?’ Marcel said. ‘Not after all the other women our father’s had?’

It was Cassie who silenced him with a finger over her lips. She drew him away with an understanding smile for Freya, who mouthed Thank you.

She was relieved to see that Janine was contentedly drinking coffee. She wasn’t pleased about going to Rostov, but she hadn’t said so to Amos. To Freya’s eyes she had seemed to settle into calm resignation.

Jackson wasn’t there. He was coming from London and would arrive after everyone else. She wondered how they would meet. Would he try to avoid her? Could she blame him if he did?

Next day they travelled to Rostov, where Leonid and Perdita were waiting to welcome them with open arms. That evening there was a merry party in the hotel.

Except for Jackson, everyone was now there. The Falcon brothers missed no chance to get together as a family, and this was the first occasion since Freya’s aborted wedding. She recalled Jackson once saying that he felt especially close to Darius, the eldest. Of Amos’s five sons they were the only two who shared a mother as well as a father.

She liked Darius, and had been enchanted by Harriet, the wife he’d met on Herringdean, the island that had become his in payment of a debt. Everyone had expected him to sell up as soon as possible and return to his life as a business magnate. But with Harriet’s help he’d become enchanted by island life and now he was settled there for ever, with her and the child she had borne him.

Harriet saw her first and waved. Freya waved back and rushed to join her.

Both Harriet and Darius regarded Freya sympathetically.

‘How’s life treating you since the wedding?’ Harriet asked gently.

‘Everything’s fine,’ Freya said cheerfully.

‘Isn’t Amos making your life a misery, trying to tie you to Jackson? He’s the only son left.’

‘No chance. Jackson and I would never suit each other. We’re both too set in our ways.’

‘Set in your ways?’ Marcel echoed. ‘Him? You?’

‘Jackson doesn’t like being said no to. And I’m an awkward customer who likes saying no. Just think how miserable I’d make him.’

‘You mean you think he’s too like Amos?’ Harriet ventured.

‘I’ve heard people say that.’

‘I know he’s inherited Amos’s forcefulness,’ Harriet agreed. ‘But there’s a side of him that he doesn’t show too often. He’s drawn to people who need his protection.’

Freya nodded. She had reason to know that.

‘And not just people,’ Harriet added.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘At one time he used to do nature documentaries. I remember him coming to Herringdean to shoot a programme about our wildlife, and there was a baby seal who’d got stranded in an awkward place. Jackson became his guardian and protector. He said the seal’s mother would be looking for him, and he must be taken care of until she arrived. He settled down beside him and stayed there for two days and nights, waiting for the mother to come searching for her baby. He said he wasn’t going to let her find a dead body.

‘He refused to move away, even to eat. Darius and I used to take food to him, otherwise he’d have starved. And he wouldn’t let anyone film them in case the baby was upset, so we had to keep the crew away as well. I remember we stayed with him one night, and he was so gentle and loving with that little creature. In the end the mother arrived and Jackson carried her baby to her.

‘The boss was furious that he wouldn’t let the cameras get near him. Everyone thought Jackson would seize the wonderful publicity it would give him. But all he cared about was that helpless little creature. When it was all over the boss fired him and he had to find another job. That’s how he came to be working for Dan.’

‘He never told me,’ Freya breathed.

‘He doesn’t talk about that side of himself. I think he’s afraid it will make him sound like a softie.’

‘What’s wrong with being a softie?’ Freya demanded with a touch of indignation.

‘Nothing. I agree. I think he’s always been a bit embarrassed about having a sweet nature in case it makes Amos ashamed of him. But you could say that it’s another aspect of being a bully.’

‘What?’

‘The instinct to take command and override any opposition. A nasty bully says, “I’m taking charge and you’ll do what I say. No argument.” A nice bully says, “I’m taking charge and I’m going to protect you, whatever you say, and woe betide anyone who tries to stop me. Even you.”’

‘Yes,’ Freya murmured. ‘Oh, yes....’

A scene was playing out in her memory. Suddenly she was back in the time when she’d first discovered why Dan had fled and Jackson had concealed the worst facts from her. She’d flown at him in fury and he’d tried to defend himself, pleading, ‘You’re saying I was wrong to try protect you from more pain? I failed, but I still think I was right to try.’

‘You’re so sure you know best,’ she’d raged.

‘That’s why people do things. Because they think it’s right.’

He’d taken the blame for Dan’s behaviour as few men would have done. She’d attacked him, despised him, frozen him out, and he’d endured it all as the price of protecting her. When she’d relented just a little he’d offered her his love.

Was this man a bully?

Or a guardian angel?

Or both?

Another memory returned: Larry telling her about the fight Jackson had had with a production company. He’d won, but at the cost of his job, which was how he’d come to work for Dan. Nobody knew the details, but it was spoken of as proof of Jackson’s toughness, his determination to impose his own will.

‘But it was this,’ she murmured. ‘Protecting a baby seal. Who would believe it? Except me. I’d believe it, because he protected me.’

She’d accused him of being driven only by guilt, and he’d never denied that he was troubled about the part he’d played. But there was more. He was a man who reached out to creatures in pain because he yearned to be needed. And perhaps some of that need was rooted in the unhappy childhood about which he’d confided in her and no one else.

She had struggled to understand him and thought she’d succeeded. But she had failed. If she’d seen as deeply into his heart as she now did she would have drawn closer, perhaps close enough to be the woman he longed for and needed.

She slipped away as soon as possible. Now she needed to be alone—to think about the way the world had changed yet again.

Once in her room she paced back and forth, tormented by the knowledge that what she wanted most in life was slipping away from her—and it was her own doing. Would she ever see Jackson again?

There was a knock on her door. Reluctantly she opened it, ready to drive away whoever dared to intrude on her sadness. Then she gasped.

Stunned, she stared at Jackson, trying to believe what she was seeing. His face was tense, almost haggard. Where was the confident Jackson? Who was this man with an air of hesitancy, almost defeat?

She had a feeling that at an unfriendly word from her he would turn tail and run, and she knew an impulse to reach out and say kindly, It’s all right. I’ll take care of everything.

Instead she said simply, ‘Come in.’

He hesitated, and she guessed the memory of their last meeting was still vivid in his mind. She took his hand and drew him into her room.

‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I won’t trouble you long. There are things I must say, and then I’ll go and not bother you again. But I beg you to hear me out first.’

‘You don’t have to beg me.’

He answered not in words but with a wry smile that reminded her of all that had happened between them.

‘You don’t,’ she repeated. ‘What can I do for you, Jackson?’

‘I’ve come to do something for you—something I hope will make you glad.’ He drew a long breath. ‘Dan has been in touch with me.’

She waited for the leap of her heart that this news would once have given her. But nothing happened.

‘He wants me to do a few programmes for him,’ Jackson continued.

‘But surely you’re under contract to Larry’s firm?’

‘Partly, but I can still do some freelance projects. I’ve had a couple of meetings with Dan, but they weren’t very productive about work. All he can talk about is you.’

‘Tell him not to worry. I’m not coming after him with a shotgun.’

‘He’s not worried about that. He’s more concerned about coming after you with a wedding ring.’

‘That’s a very bad joke.’

‘It’s not a joke. He keeps bringing the conversation around to you. He’s realised what a big mistake he’s made.’

Freya stepped back and regarded him, trying to read his face. But it was unreadable. Inside herself the reaction to Dan’s name was the same as before. Nothing.

‘I think that’s really why he’s been in touch with me,’ Jackson continued. ‘He wants me to talk to you on his behalf.’

‘Then he’s got a hell of a nerve!’ she said indignantly.

‘Has he? I wonder...’

‘This makes no sense. If Dan wants to talk to me, why doesn’t he just call me?’

‘He’s afraid to. He thinks you’ll slam the phone down on him.’

‘Which I would.’

‘I don’t think so. Not at first anyway. You’d hang on a few minutes for the pleasure of hearing him crawl.’

‘Oh, yes, I’m known for my spite and vindictiveness.’

‘No, just for your ability to stand up to a man and refuse to take any nonsense. I know all about that from my own experience. But Dan doesn’t want to put a foot wrong.’

‘Why not? He’s put everything else wrong.’

‘Yes, I told him that. He understands that he must do this the right way, and I promised to talk to you.’

‘Then you’re mad. I’m not in love with Dan—if I ever was. That’s over—finished. I’ve told you this before.’

‘Yes, you’ve told me this before—again and again. Maybe too often, as if you were trying to convince yourself.’

‘Perhaps in the beginning, but not now.’

That had only been her way of coping. At last she understood the difference between the shallow feelings Dan had inspired and the passionate love that had grown in her for Jackson.

‘Freya, listen to me. I’ve been thinking long and hard about why I never stood a chance of winning your love. And at last I know. I’d always suspected it, but I wouldn’t let myself face it because I couldn’t bear to. The fact is that you’ve never stopped loving Dan.’

‘Please—’

‘And he loves you. You can put the past right. Let me go back and tell him he has a chance.’

‘I don’t know how you can bring yourself to talk like this,’ she said in a fury. ‘This is all your protestations of love for me meant? How dare you?’

At once his temper rose in response to hers.

‘You stupid woman!’ he snapped. ‘Don’t you understand that I’m doing this because I do love you?’

‘Handing me over to another man?

‘A man you love as you could never love me. A man who can give you all the happiness that I can’t. I want you to have that happiness more than I’ve ever wanted anything in the world.’

The words were tender but his voice was harsh: the voice of a man determined to do things his way—even if he broke his own heart in the process.

Freya tried to speak, but now the tears were coming fast enough to choke her.

‘Perhaps I really am stupid,’ she said huskily. ‘But I can’t get my mind around this.’

His anger died. ‘It’s not your mind that needs to understand,’ he said quietly.

‘But my heart tells me that this is madness. Even if I believed in Dan’s love, that doesn’t change the kind of unreliable man he is.’

‘Your love can improve him, make him want to be better.’

‘And if it doesn’t?’

‘Then I’ll always help you in any way you want. I can go back to work for Dan, and if necessary I can knock some sense into him. And if you need someone to turn to I’ll always be there.’

She stared at him, stunned by the implications of what he was suggesting.

‘But you can’t do that,’ she whispered. ‘It would spoil your career, swallow up your life, leave you with nothing.’

‘I have nothing now,’ he said simply. ‘As for my life—it’s yours. You can’t send me away because I won’t go as long as there’s even a hint that you might need me. And if I can believe that you don’t need me, I’ll just wait until it happens again.’

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Jackson, a determined, forceful man, was putting himself at her mercy. Now the mask was tossed aside, the armour removed. What was left was the real man—vulnerable, defenceless, unprotected, and above all content for her to know it.

‘Do you understand?’ he asked. ‘I belong to you and you can’t get rid of me.’ He gave a faint smile. ‘You see what a bully I am.’

‘Yes, the worst kind,’ she murmured, moving closer to him. ‘The kind who thinks he knows what’s best for someone else. You won’t listen when I tell you I don’t love Dan. But I don’t—and I’m going to force you to accept that, because I can be a bully too.’

A new look had come into his face. Confusion, mixed with hope and a little alarm, as though he feared to hope for too much.

She met his gaze, silently telling him what to believe.

‘My methods are ruthless,’ she said, ‘and by the time I’m finished you’ll have to believe me.’

‘How are you going to manage that?’ he whispered.

‘Like this.’

Reaching up, she drew his head down far enough to rest her lips against his.

‘Freya—’

‘Kiss me, Jackson. That’s an order. You’re not the only one who likes to be obeyed. Kiss me.’

He obeyed with fervour, wrapping his arms right round her so that she couldn’t have escaped if she’d wanted to. But she didn’t want to. She wanted the pressure of his lips, growing fiercer with every moment. She wanted the feel of him shaking with desire against her own body, which was also shaking as never before—not for Dan, not for any other man, only for this man in her arms, where she was determined to keep him.

She had everything she wanted. He was hers as completely as she was his. His lips told her so, as did his arms, and the powerful beat of his heart that she could just hear. She wanted him with an intensity that only one thing could satisfy, and she was determined to have it.

When she drew him towards the bed he hesitated for a tiny moment, as though not daring to believe that his dreams could come true. But then doubt was swept away by desire and they fell onto the bed together, kissing, embracing, murmuring, pulling at each other’s clothes until there was not a stitch left between them.

He made love to her with a mixture of tenderness and passion that left her dizzy. She responded with everything in her, and had the delight of seeing in his eyes that she had taken him by surprise.

Afterwards he held her close, her head against his chest, so that she could hear his heart again, beating more slowly now, with sweet, gentle contentment.

‘I feel as though we’ve only just met,’ he murmured.

‘Yes, that’s just how it is,’ she said happily. ‘This is a new life for us. And there’s something else as well. Thanks to Harriet, I know you better than ever before.’

‘Harriet?’

‘She told me about that baby seal on Herringdean, and the sacrifices you made to protect it. I’d already heard a rumour about how you quarrelled with a production firm and stormed out, but it made you sound grim and threatening.’

‘Good,’ he said at once. ‘If my father knew the truth he’d cut me out of his life.’

‘But it made me want you in my life. I began to understand how much you need me and how deeply you long to be needed in return. Not just loved, but needed.’

‘Yes,’ he breathed. ‘Yes. I didn’t realise before. Freya, is this really happening to us?’

‘I don’t know. I can hardly believe it. It’s so beautiful. Can it be true?’

‘It can be as true as we make it.’

‘Yes,’ she murmured. ‘Oh, yes.’

‘There are still questions whirling in my brain,’ he murmured against her hair. ‘You were so much against me. You didn’t want my love. At least, you said you didn’t. When I held you in my arms and kissed you I dared to hope that you wanted me a little—’

‘More than a little, my darling. I’ve wanted you for quite a while, but I wouldn’t admit it even to myself. I was afraid. After what happened with Dan I didn’t want to fall in love—’

‘Especially with me,’ he said wryly.

‘Yes. I was more afraid of getting close to you than anyone else—maybe because I knew it was inevitable. That night in Monte Carlo I resisted you because I felt caught up in something beyond my control. I know now that I was right, but I shouldn’t have been afraid of it because the fate beyond my control was love.’

‘Mine too. That’s why I came here as Dan’s spokesman. I thought it would be what you wanted.’

‘You thought I’d let you spend your life watching over me?’

‘Let me?’ His voice became teasing. ‘You couldn’t stop me.’

‘Oh, yes, I could. There’s a very simple way.’

‘Tell me.’

‘I won’t marry Dan. I’m going to marry you. That way I’ll be your protector. So come on—we’re getting married. That’s an order.’

‘Hey, I was going to say that.’

‘Tough. I got in first.’

‘Yes,’ he said happily. ‘You did. I guess I’ll have to get used to you taking command.’

‘You’ll have to get used to me protecting you as much as you protect me.’

‘Joint partnership.’

‘Fifty-fifty.’

Solemnly they shook hands.

‘I can hardly believe in such happiness.’ She sighed blissfully. ‘And it’s even more lovely in this place, where so many of the family are happy too. All except—’ She broke off and sighed.

‘Your mother and my father,’ Jackson supplied. ‘Yes, it’s sad, isn’t it? How can we really enjoy our own happiness when things are still so wrong between them? At first I thought they’d sort it out soon and rediscover what they used to have. But it’s getting worse.’

‘It’s because he overheard Mum say she had doubts about him and wasn’t sure that they’d stay together,’ Freya recalled. ‘That really seemed to knock him sideways.’

‘Yes, he’s used to women wanting him more than he wants them. I’m sure he could win her over if he tried, but he doesn’t know how to give in, to say he’s sorry.’

‘He’d see it as a weakness,’ Freya said. ‘And he avoids that like the plague. I remember him telling you that you shouldn’t let anyone know anything about you that they could see as weak and use against you.’

‘Right. He’s never understood that when you really love someone you’re not afraid to let them know your weakness, the way you know mine.’

‘Mum hated coming here to Russia. She thinks Varushka was the great love of Amos’s life because of the way he rushed out here to her deathbed.’

‘She’s wrong. I think Janine means more to him than any other woman has, but he doesn’t know how to show it. Even with her he can’t risk seeming vulnerable, and it could be the worst mistake he’s ever made.’

‘But if they can make it right,’ Freya said hesitantly, ‘how will you feel? After what you told me about your mother—’

‘I know. But I like Janine. She’s always been pleasant to me. And she’s his victim too. As for Amos, he’s still my father, and I’d still like to see him find happiness in love.’ He drew her closer. ‘Especially now that I’ve found it myself.’

‘Yes,’ she murmured. ‘Enough about them. I want to think only of you. Come to me, my darling—come to me—that’s right—yes—yes—’

* * *

The christening was held in a little church on the edge of town. Everything went perfectly. Janine showed no sign of trouble, and Freya began to hope that all would be well.

Afterwards Leonid led the way to his mother’s grave at the back, followed by the family, including Amos and Janine.

Freya tried to draw her mother away, but Janine resisted.

‘I will go where my husband goes,’ she said.

Varushka’s marble gravestone was simple but lovely. Flowers lay around the base, put there earlier by Leonid.

‘It’s beautiful,’ Charlene said. ‘I wish I could read the Russian words.’

‘They just give the date she was born and the date she died,’ Leonid told her.

He said the words in English, and at once Freya sensed disaster. For the date of Varushka’s death was the exact date of Janine’s birthday.

She had coped with Amos’s absence on that day, but now the coincidence of the dates seemed to make everything worse. Janine didn’t speak, but she turned and walked away.

Freya hurried after her.

‘Mum, the date’s just an unlucky coincidence.’

‘I spent that day in tears. It was my birthday, and we were going to have a lovely celebration holiday together. But that was the day he said goodbye to her—held her in his arms, kissed her, told her he loved her. The very same day.’

‘He’s coming over,’ Freya murmured.

Amos and Jackson were approaching.

Janine turned to face Amos, who tensed.

‘What’s the matter?’ he demanded. ‘Why do you look at me like that? I was only paying my respects.’

‘Drop the pretence,’ Janine snapped. ‘She’s the one who has your heart. I’ve known for months now—ever since you dumped me to rush here to her deathbed. You chose her over me.’

‘No!’ Amos said explosively. ‘No, that wasn’t what happened. I came because I had to.’

‘Yes, she wanted you, so you had to. When we get home I’m leaving you.’

Amos drew a sharp breath. Freya and Jackson exchanged glances, both sensing that Amos was about to make a momentous decision.

‘All right,’ he said. ‘Here’s the truth. I didn’t come here from choice. I was blackmailed.’

‘Oh, Amos, please—do you expect me to believe that Leonid blackmailed you?’

‘No, not him. He knew nothing about it. It was—’ He stopped and a shudder went through him. ‘It was Perdita.’

Janine didn’t speak, but her face showed her scepticism.

Amos tore at his hair.

‘It’s true,’ he cried. ‘Perdita was a journalist in those days. She found out about a slightly iffy deal I’d done. She could have caused me a lot of trouble if she’d talked. And she threatened to do exactly that if I didn’t come out here to see Varushka before she died. That was why it happened so suddenly. I only had a few hours to save myself from disaster. I didn’t want to come. Over the years I’d seen Varushka so rarely that I barely knew her. But I had no choice.’

He took a deep, painful breath.

‘That’s the truth, my dear. Please believe me.’

The word ‘please’ made everyone look up, alert, wondering if they’d heard properly. Amos had actually said please to a woman.

And Freya saw something else. There on Amos’s face was the same defenceless look she’d seen on Jackson’s face the previous night.

It was a look that neither man had ever worn before. She was sure of it. And it meant the same: a willingness to sacrifice everything to win the valued prize.

Horus the Elder and Horus the Younger had achieved victory at the same time. She could almost hear the cries of triumph from the Edfu temple.

Janine’s gaze was fixed on Amos, who was totally still, tense with apprehension as nobody had ever seen him before. Then she gave a cry of joy and threw herself into his arms. He seized her fiercely, burying his face against her neck and saying her name in a muffled voice. By now the rest of the family had caught up, and they gave a big cheer.

‘He did it!’ Jackson said triumphantly to Freya. ‘He told her about his weakness. He trusted her with it. That’s the bit that makes all the difference.’

‘Oh, yes!’ she exclaimed joyfully. ‘She’s the one.’

Amos lifted his head. His cheeks were wet.

‘I guess I still have to catch up with a few things,’ he said huskily.

‘Just a few,’ Jackson agreed.

‘And to prove to you that I’ve seen the light I promise to leave you two alone. I won’t try to make you marry each other. That’s over, for good.’

‘It was over anyway,’ Jackson told him. ‘We got engaged this morning.’

More cheering.

The whole family rioted in delight, dancing around them, slapping them on the back.

Jackson and Freya were barely aware of them. Looking into each other’s eyes, they saw only what mattered to them, what would matter for the rest of their lives.

‘Let’s go away,’ Jackson said. ‘I have a lot of things to say to you.’

‘And I to you. But they don’t really need saying.’

‘No, but I want to say them anyway.’

They drifted off. The ground sloped gently upwards, so that after a while they could look back on where the family was still rejoicing, waving up to them. They laughed as they saw Amos give them a victory gesture.

‘I guess he’s got what he always wanted,’ Freya said.

‘Yes. Look, he’s trying to placate Janine in case she makes him suffer. I guess that’s how it’ll always be between them from now on. Between us too, perhaps.’

‘Don’t worry. I won’t be too hard on you,’ she teased.

‘Is that a promise?’

‘Wait and find out.’

They shared a gentle kiss, stood for a moment contentedly resting against each other. Then they resumed their walk, leaving the others far behind—leaving the whole world behind. For they had a new world now, one in which nothing and nobody else existed.

And that was how it would always be.