Читать книгу Cognitive Behavioural Therapy For Dummies - Rob Willson - Страница 27

Often, clients tell us after they’ve done something they were anxious about that the actual event wasn’t half as bad as they’d predicted. Predictions are the problem here. You probably don’t possess extrasensory perceptions that allow you to see into the future. You probably can’t see into the future even with the aid of a crystal ball like the one in Figure 2-3. And yet, you may try to predict future events. Unfortunately, the predictions you make may be unduly negative:

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FIGURE 2-3: Fortune-telling.

 You’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately and you aren’t enjoying yourself like you used to. Someone from work invites you to a party, but you decide that if you go you won’t have a good time. The food will unpalatable, the music will be irksome and the other guests are sure to find you boring. So, you opt to stay in and bemoan the state of your social life.

 You fancy the bloke who sells you coffee every morning on the way to the office, and you’d like to go out with him on a date. You predict that if you ask him, you’ll be so anxious that you’ll say something stupid. Anyway, he’s bound to say no thanks – someone that attractive must surely be in a relationship.

 You always thought that parkour would be fun, but you’ve got an anxious disposition. If you try the sport, you’re sure to lose your nerve at a crucial moment and just end up with a bruised ego and a physical injury.

You’re better off letting the future unfold without trying to guess how it may turn out. Put the dustcover back on the crystal ball, flog the Ouija board on eBay, leave the tarot cards alone and try the following strategies instead:

 Test out your predictions. You really never know how much fun you might have at a party until you get there – and the food could be amazing. Maybe the chap at the coffee shop has got a partner, but you won’t be sure until you ask. To find out more about testing out your predictions, have a read through Chapter 4.

 Be prepared to take risks. Isn’t it worth possibly sustaining a few bruises for the opportunity to try a sport you’ve always been interested in? And can’t you bear the possibility of appearing a trifle nervous for the chance to get to know someone you really like? There’s a saying that ‘a ship is safe in a harbour, but that’s not what ships are built for’. Learning to live experimentally and taking calculated risks is a recipe for keeping life interesting and rewarding.

 Understand that your past experiences don’t determine your future experiences. Just because the last party you went to turned out to be a dreary homage to the seventies, the last person you asked out went a bit green, and that scuba-diving venture resulted in a severe case of the bends doesn’t mean that you’ll never have better luck again.

Typically, fortune-telling stops you from taking action. It can also become a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep telling yourself that you won’t enjoy that party, you’re liable to make that prediction come true. Same goes for meeting new people and trying new things. So, get your party on, ask him out for a drink and turn up at your local parkour group! Laissez les bons temps rouler!