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Personalising involves interpreting events as being related to you personally and overlooking other factors. This can lead to emotional difficulties, such as feeling hurt easily or feeling unnecessarily guilty (see Figure 2-12).

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FIGURE 2-12: Personalising.

Here are some examples of personalising:

 You may tend to feel guilty if you know a friend is upset and you can’t make him feel better. You think, ‘If I was really a good friend, I’d be able to cheer him up. I’m obviously letting him down.’

 You feel hurt when a friend you meet in a shop leaves quickly after saying only a hurried ‘hello’. You think, ‘He was obviously trying to avoid talking to me. I must have offended him somehow.’

You can tackle personalising by considering alternative explanations that don’t revolve around you. Think about the following examples:

 Imagine what else may contribute to the outcome you’re assuming personal responsibility for. Your friend may have lost his job or be suffering from depression. Despite your best efforts to cheer him up, these factors are outside your control.

 Consider why people may be responding to you in a certain way. Don’t jump to the conclusion that someone’s response relates directly to you. For example, your friend may be having a difficult day or be in a big hurry – he may even feel sorry for not stopping to talk to you.

Because you really aren’t the centre of the universe, look for explanations of events that have little or nothing to do with you.