Читать книгу All the Romance You Need This Christmas: 5-Book Festive Collection - Romy Sommer, Georgia Hill - Страница 27

Matt had tried, but ultimately failed for a second time, to entice me onto the ski slopes as another dusk-tinged day began in the Arctic Circle. My head was still all over the place as everything that had happened yesterday played heavily on my mind – meeting Mikku, our strange conversation; and then there was Zac. Why had he approached me, of all people? And why couldn’t I stop thinking about him?

My day began with a breakfast of cereal, bread and a selection of some of the most delicious cold meats I’d ever tasted. It may only have been my second full day in Lapland but I’d already decided that breakfast was one of my favourite times of the day – it was when that rose-tinted daylight was at its strongest, and it truly felt as though a new day was beginning. I didn’t even mind the short trek from our rooms in a separate block to the main body of the hotel that meant you had to don full outdoor gear just to go to breakfast; that was half the fun for me. I was throwing myself into this new experience, and trying to embrace everything it had to offer. No matter how strange some of it seemed to be.

The dining-room used for breakfast was like stepping into another little piece of traditional Lapland Christmas heaven, and I’d fallen in love with it immediately. With its wood-panelled walls and ceiling, short, red-and-white-checked curtains tied back on all the windows that were adorned with traditional Nordic straw decorations, candles and poinsettias dotted all around, not to mention two huge decorated spruce trees at each end, it was the most magical, warm and cosy place in which to enjoy a leisurely breakfast. I’d already found a favourite table by one of the windows that looked out onto the resort across the road, and that was where I’d sit and sip my tea, watching as everywhere sprung into life, people heading excitedly off to the slopes for a day of skiing or off into town to browse around the shops, enjoy lunch out or a hot chocolate in one of the bars or cafés. It was all here. Whatever you chose to do.

And today I chose to head off to the slopes, but not to ski. It could do no harm to just hang around and watch, though. It was all I really wanted to do at the minute as my mind got used to this new and completely different Christmas I was experiencing here in Lapland. A Christmas where I was bound to miss Jase just that little bit more because of where I was – a place he’d always wanted to visit and that we’d never quite made it to.

So, finishing my tea I took one more look out of the window, smiling as I watched a group of children throwing snowballs at each other as they dragged their sledges off to the nursery slopes. Everyone was having fun. And I wanted to find a way to have that kind of fun again too. I just had to let myself.

*

Zac ground to a halt at the bottom of the ski slope, snow-ploughing his way to a perfect finish. Stabbing his ski poles into the ground he swung round, making perfect arcs in the powdery snow as his skis made the 45-degree turn it took for him to face Tyler.

‘You looked like you were auditioning for a James Bond chase scene there, mate,’ Tyler said, leaning on his own ski poles as he regarded the hill Zac had just come hurtling down.

‘Yeah, well, it’s a great way of relieving stress sometimes – throwing yourself down a snow-covered slope. Do you wanna go grab a drink at the bar?’

Tyler checked his watch. ‘Well, it’s almost lunch-time so, why not?’

Zac gazed up at the sky, which had a wonderfully rich, dark-pink tone to it today, but that was fading fast as the early afternoon dusk drew in. ‘Come on then. We’ll sit outside and grab the last of the daylight.’

Finding space at a table near the entrance to the outdoor terrace area of the après-ski bar, which was growing steadily busier as lunch-time descended, Zac settled himself down, sticking his ski poles in the snow and resting his skis up against the table as Tyler went inside to get the drinks. As had been the norm since that chance meeting with the mystery woman called Jess yesterday, he found himself scanning the growing crowd, craning his neck to see above those who were standing up, blocking his view. There was a still a part of him that wanted to forget about an afternoon of more skiing and head off to look for her, because he hadn’t really been able to settle since he’d seen her run off after their exchange yesterday. If you could call it that. And that need to see her again hadn’t waned at all. Even after a good night’s sleep nothing had changed; he still had that overwhelming feeling of needing to get to know her. Maybe fate was eventually going to throw them together, but Zac just wasn’t sure how long he could wait for it to finally do its job.

He looked up at the sky again, watching as the blanket of darkness crept slowly across it, covering the beautiful colours of a Lapland day, turning it slowly black. It was still something that fascinated him, this daytime darkness, mainly because of how quickly you seemed to get used to it. Before he’d arrived in the Arctic Circle he’d thought it was something that would feel strange and almost depressing, but it hadn’t been that way at all. It was an experience, skiing in the dark, and one he enjoyed. He’d fallen in love with this little corner of the world, and he knew he’d be sad when he had to leave. But he had a feeling it was due to throw up a few more surprises before that time came.

With the sky now completely covered in that blanket of darkness, he turned his attention back to the crowds of people both inside the confines of the terrace area and those hanging around outside. And it was then that he saw her, standing just to the left of the entrance to the outdoor terrace. She was checking out the menu, dressed in a pink jacket, black snow-trousers and those distinctive pink boots she’d been wearing yesterday, her chin nestled deep in a black scarf that was tied tight around her neck. But he knew it was her. He recognised the jacket, the long, dark curly hair sticking out from underneath her pink beanie hat. It was her. So, fate had decided to hurry this one up then. And for that, Zac was truly grateful.

*

I’d spent the entire morning trudging round the foot of the slopes, dodging people on sledges as they hurtled down the smaller hills reserved for tobogganing, watching in jealous fascination at those who could ski so gracefully without falling flat on their backsides, but I was hungry now. Breakfast seemed an age ago as my tummy rumbled so loudly I could hear it through all the layers of thermal underwear and padding. There was no harm in checking out the lunch-time menu here at The Ice Tree. If they had something nice on offer maybe it would be easier to just stay here and grab a bite to eat rather than make that short detour into town. But I’d loved Mikku’s café; the food had smelt delicious when I’d been in there yesterday. And there was always the chance that Mikku might be there too. I kind of missed him already; that strange young man who’d gone a long way to making this trip seem a lot more special and a whole lot easier than I’d ever anticipated it could be. Just thinking about him seemed to send another wave of calm rushing over me, and for a brief second it almost felt as if there was a faint and far-away voice telling me to stay exactly where I was.

And it was then, as I turned my attention back to the now-quite-crowded bar, that I saw Zac, sitting at one of the tables outside on the snow-covered terrace. He was wearing a bright-red jacket, his hair covered by a black hat, and he was staring straight at me. But this time there was nothing making me want to run off, nothing telling me to get out of there because it was wrong. All I felt was that sweeping calm, that feeling that this was supposed to be happening. It wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t. Surely just talking to him couldn’t be wrong?

I couldn’t seem to move from where I was standing, though, so I was almost relieved when I saw him stand up and make his way out of the bar, walking over to me until he was right in front of me. So close I could see every inch of his handsome face. And this time the guilt felt less intrusive than it had yesterday, although I still couldn’t get the thought of betraying Jase out of my head. But I was only going to talk to him, wasn’t I? That’s all. Just talk.

He smiled, and my heart turned what felt like a zillion somersaults because it had been a long time since someone had smiled at me that way. It had been a long time since I’d felt those stomach flips, and it was strange and unusual – and nice. Oh God, Jase, please forgive me, baby.

‘Shall we start again?’ he asked in that wonderful Scottish accent, that smile still there, a friendly aura emanating from him, making me feel instantly comfortable.

I nodded, swallowing hard. ‘I’d like that,’ I replied, finally able to return his smile.

‘Okay… I’m Zac.’

‘And I’m Jessie.’

What else was there to say?

*

Café Aurora – the little café/bar where Mikku had taken me – was as busy today as it had been yesterday, but we managed to find a table in the corner by the huge open fire and the beautiful Christmas tree that smelt of pine and ginger from the festively decorated biscuits that hung from its branches.

‘So,’ Zac began, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it over the back of his chair, ‘…I finally get to talk to you. Properly.’

I didn’t look up at first, just sat there cradling my mug of hot chocolate, too frightened to face him now, too nervous of what I was doing, of what I might start feeling.

‘Jessie?’

He was going to think I was weird if I sat staring into my drink the whole time, but this entire situation was crazy, and now I’d stopped to think about it for a few seconds, I had no idea what to do anymore.

‘Listen, I’ve just got to make a quick phone call,’ Zac went on, and I heard him push his seat back but still I couldn’t look at him. ‘I’ll be five minutes, I promise. Don’t go anywhere, okay?’

I waited until I was sure he’d disappeared from sight before sitting back in my chair, throwing my head back, closing my eyes and sighing heavily.

‘You shouldn’t fight this, Jessie.’

I opened my eyes and sat up straight. There was Mikku, standing by the table, a tea towel flung over one shoulder, that intense stare once more present on his handsome face. Where had he come from? I’d assumed he wasn’t working in the café today because there’d been no sign of him when we’d come in. It was only a small café, so I’d just thought that, if I couldn’t see him, then he wasn’t working this afternoon.

‘Shouldn’t fight what?’ I asked, looking at him, those dark eyes of his still as mesmerising as they had been yesterday.

‘What is happening here. With Zac.’

I frowned slightly. How did he know Zac’s name? How did he even know Zac and I had met? Oh God, I didn’t think I could take another confusing day, it was exhausting. ‘Nothing… nothing is happening here, Mikku. Zac and I, we… we’re just having a hot chocolate together. That’s all. We’ve only just met…’

‘I know,’ Mikku carried on, wiping the table down next to ours. ‘But, like I said, you shouldn’t fight it. You liked his music, yes?’

Oh. Okay. Maybe that explained how Mikku knew Zac’s name. He was obviously a fan of the band.

‘Yeah. Yeah, I liked his music.’

‘So, you are glad I made you go to The Ice Tree yesterday then?’

I watched as he continued to wipe down the next-door table, even though it looked pretty clean to me. ‘I didn’t think you were working here today,’ I said, blowing on my hot chocolate to cool it down. ‘I couldn’t see you when we first came in.’

‘I was in the staff room,’ he said, facing me again. ‘But when I came back out here I saw you, saw the way you couldn’t meet his eyes. He was looking at you, but you couldn’t look at him. Why is that, Jessie?’

There was a part of me that wanted to tell him it was really none of his business, but that was overtaken by the part of me that felt this was very much his business, in a way I wasn’t all that sure of yet. So I just looked at him, suddenly glad he was here.

‘I don’t know what to do, Mikku. I mean, when he approached me yesterday I gave him the biggest brush-off I could have given anyone because… because it felt wrong. It felt… it felt like I was betraying Jase, even by just looking at another man I felt like I was betraying him, but… when we saw each other just now, down by The Ice Tree…’

‘How did it feel?’ Mikku asked, absent-mindedly fiddling with the huge holly garland that hung across the top of the stone fireplace. ‘When you saw him today?’

I was a touch confused by this conversation, but the second Mikku turned to face me again I felt my shoulders sag, and the need to get things off my chest once more became almost overwhelming.

‘I’m scared.’

‘Is that why you can’t look at him?’ Mikku asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.

I nodded. ‘I think so. When I saw him with all the ski gear on – the hat, the jacket, well, it’s almost like a barrier, isn’t it? But now all that’s come off, I’m scared to look at him because I’m scared of how he might make me feel. I’m scared of feeling anything again, Mikku. Scared of feeling what I felt for Jase, of going through all of that again. I don’t even know if the time is right, if this is what I should be doing but there’s something – there’s something almost pushing me towards Zac. And I can’t stop it. Even if I wanted to. I can’t stop it.’

‘Facing up to our fears is something we should always do,’ Mikku said, his eyes looking into mine again, that wonderful feeling of calm he exuded washing over me, ‘…otherwise how can we ever conquer them? And I think you’ve been scared for a long time, Jess. I think you’ve been scared of a lot of things. Maybe coming here – maybe this is where you need to be in order to finally face those fears.’

I frowned again. My head was actually beginning to hurt with all the thinking it’d had to do over the past couple of days. I’d suddenly been thrust from my safe, but ultimately sad life back home in England, into this magical, wonderful little winter wonderland, and the things that were going on here were enough to make anyone think they were in the middle of some elaborate dream.

‘You do whatever it is you have to do, Jess, in order to face those fears head on. I will see you soon.’ And with a flash of that smile he turned to go, leaving me with a sudden warm glow and a slow realisation that he was right. I had been scared of a lot of things for such a long time. But facing up to things wasn’t something I’d been willing to do. Until now.

‘Everything okay?’ Zac asked, sliding back down into his seat opposite me.

I nodded, slowly looking up to face him, and when I did it almost took my breath away. Now that the hat had been removed and I could see his face properly, he really was beautiful. He had the most gorgeous green eyes that were filled with a warmth I hadn’t seen since – since Jase; his chin rough with dark stubble making him look rugged and sexy, his black hair all messed-up, which only made him look all the more attractive because he carried it off so well.

‘Jess…’

I took a deep breath, narrowing my eyes as I saw Mikku by the café door, smiling that smile at me, and once more that far-off distant voice seemed to emanate from somewhere, only this time it seemed to be getting nearer, whispering in my ear, words I couldn’t quite make out but whatever it was saying, I was suddenly overtaken by a strength I hadn’t felt for a long time.

‘Zac, I’m…’ I looked at him, at this man who’d come into my life so suddenly and unwittingly turned it upside down. ‘I’m sorry.’ I felt the control start to take hold, and another inner sigh of relief swept over me. Because, as I looked at this man, I knew exactly what I had to do next; knew exactly what I wanted to do. Zac had given me back something I’d needed to find, feelings I’d needed to feel again. I’d be a fool to walk away from this and I knew I couldn’t anyway. I just couldn’t. ‘It’s been a strange couple of days, that’s all. I guess I’m still getting used to this place.’

He smiled and my heart leapt in a way it hadn’t done since Jase had first walked into my little shop all those years ago. This was the first time I’d felt that little flutter like a hundred and one butterflies dancing around inside me. How could I ignore that? I’d never thought I could ever feel that way again, yet I was feeling it now. And it was nice. It felt – it felt good. ‘Yeah. This place sure seems to have a habit of making weird and wonderful things happen, that’s for sure.’ Zac sighed.

I narrowed my eyes. ‘Oh yeah? Like what?’ Was he experiencing things even half as weird as I was?

Zac shook his head, dismissing that statement with a brief wave of his hand. ‘So, what brings you here to Lapland, Jess?’

‘I needed a break, somewhere a bit different, y’know? And I’ve always wanted to visit here; we’ve – I’ve always wanted to see the Northern Lights, and I hear this is as good a place as any to catch them.’

Zac nodded, gazing down at his hands cupped around his mug of hot chocolate.

‘Have you seen them?’ I asked, a small part of me hoping he hadn’t, because if there was anyone I wanted to share that experience with now it was him – for so many reasons.

‘Not yet,’ he replied, his green eyes fixing me with a look that sent a shiver right down my spine and I felt my skin break out in goosebumps, even though I was anything but cold, sitting here in front of this roaring fire. ‘But they’re something I’ve always wanted to see, too.’

I smiled, suddenly feeling as if a light had just been switched on somewhere deep inside me. Everything was beginning to feel a whole lot brighter; things were actually starting to make sense and I hadn’t felt that way for a long time. I wasn’t actually sure I’d felt anything for the past year. I’d been numb, I suppose, except for that overwhelming sadness and an aching loss that I’d never thought I could ever fill – until now.

‘Maybe we could try and make sure we see them together then,’ Zac said, his eyes locking onto mine and I suddenly felt as though I wanted to laugh out loud, tell the world that I could now see an end to the dark days that had taken over my life since Jase had gone. But he hadn’t gone, had he? Not really. And he never would. No matter what happened here.

‘I’d like that,’ I replied, still smiling. In fact, now I’d started smiling I wasn’t altogether sure I could stop. I took a sip of hot chocolate, letting the beautiful, rich, warm liquid slip down my throat. It was the most comforting feeling – that, and sitting here with Zac. ‘So, Zac… what brings you to Lapland?’

He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up in small, random spikes. ‘I’m a ski instructor. I’m here for the season, teaching a few days a week. The rest of the time I’m reliving my youth. I’m still a big kid at heart, I’m afraid. The idea of growing up kinda scares me, so throwing myself down snow-covered mountains and taking to my snowboard at the age of thirty-eight doesn’t faze me in the slightest.’

I couldn’t help but smile again. Jase had also been a big kid at heart with his love of motorbikes and surfing, his need to have that adrenalin rush he would sometimes crave.

‘And what about the band?’ I asked, taking a long sip of the delicious hot chocolate.

‘We’re all ski instructors, and we put the band together when we realised we all really wanted to be rock stars but had left it a bit too late to live that dream.’ He shrugged, smiling. ‘But, hey, they love us here. We do a few gigs in the bars and pubs around town. It’s fun.’

‘You’re good,’ I smiled back, watching the excitement in his face as he talked about the band. ‘My brother, Matt, and my dad have a rock band. They do gigs locally back home, got quite a good following too. I guess you could say music’s in our blood.’

Zac looked right at me, his eyes almost burning into mine. ‘That’s something else we have in common then.’

I couldn’t say anything for a second, his gaze throwing me off-balance slightly. ‘Have you… have you been a ski instructor long?’ I asked, sitting back in my chair, suddenly feeling relaxed and calm, and happy. Yeah. I was happy. And I’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

Zac smiled again. ‘Yeah, for a good few years now. I’ve done most of the resorts in Europe, and a couple in Canada, so… well; I’ve always wanted to come here, to Lapland. And this year I thought it was time to act on that urge. I thought it was time to see just what this place has to offer before I go home.’

His eyes never left mine as he spoke and I felt as though I never wanted to leave this gorgeous little café with its fairy lights and its Christmas music. I felt safe in here. ‘Where exactly is home, then?’ I asked, taking another sip of hot chocolate.

‘Edinburgh. Not all that far from you, I’m guessing from your accent,’ he said. ‘So, where exactly in north-east England do you hail from then, Jessie?’

‘Tynemouth. Do you know it?’

Zac nodded. ‘I’ve been surfing there a few times, at Longsands. Have you always lived there?’ His eyes were fixed firmly on me but I broke the stare briefly, looking over at the fire still burning away within its festive surround.

‘Yeah. I have,’ I replied, suddenly realising that I hadn’t really spread my wings all that much. I was forty-two years old yet I’d never left the safe and secure confines of my home town. But I knew that was because I’d never really felt the need, not when I’d had everything I could ever want right there with me. Nothing else had mattered with Jase by my side.

‘And, what do you do there, in Tynemouth?’ Zac went on as I met his eyes again, searching his face for something, anything that could finally convince me I was doing the right thing in being here, with this man. In this place.

‘I run a small shop – Rainbows – selling hand-crafted jewellery, gifts, clothing, scented candles… you know the kind of thing.’

‘Hand-crafted by you?’ Zac asked, finishing off the last of his hot chocolate.

I nodded. ‘I make everything from friendship bracelets to necklaces and earrings, greetings cards, photo-frames… If people want me to make something special for someone I’ll certainly have a go; it’s that kind of shop – friendly, a touch off-beat, a little bit bohemian… Mind you, I have had one or two strange requests for gifts. I was even asked to make a Ouija board once.’

Zac raised an eyebrow. ‘And…?’

I shook my head. ‘No. I won’t touch that kind of stuff. I mean, I’m quite a spiritual person but… I guess I’m just not comfortable messing with things I don’t really understand. There are lots of other ways of…’ I broke off, suddenly remembering those visits I’d made, just after Jase’s death, to Spiritualist churches, mediums, anybody I could find who I’d thought could try and help me make some kind of contact with Jase, so desperate had I been in those first few months after he’d left me. I’d spent so much time just needing to know that he was okay, needing to know that he was somewhere, that he hadn’t just disappeared and left me all alone without any chance of ever seeing him again. I’d needed something to hold onto. And, even now, it was still something I needed.

‘Listen, Jessie, I know this is crazy because we’ve only just met but… I really want to see you again. I mean, really want to see you again. And I’ll understand if you think I’m just some weird guy you don’t want to have anything to do with, but…’

‘I want to see you again too,’ I smiled. How could he possibly think any different? And there was me thinking I was the crazy one, the one who was giving out signals he might find just a touch too worrying for a woman he’d only just met. Yet here we both were, displaying the same feelings, and that had to be fate, didn’t it? Nothing was telling me this was wrong, nothing was telling me this was dangerous and I should back off. Nothing was telling me anything like that, so it had to be right, didn’t it?

‘Good. That… that’s great,’ he grinned, his face lighting up and my smile seemed to show no signs of disappearing any time soon either. ‘So, how about dinner then? Tomorrow night?’

‘That sounds great. I’d really like that… Zac? Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure. Of course you can.’

‘Do you believe in… do you believe in fate?’

He looked at me, those green eyes of his staring right into mine. ‘Yeah, I do. Why?’

I shook my head, pushing away my empty hot-chocolate mug. ‘No reason. I just wondered.’

‘Do you?’ he asked.

I looked up at him, up into those beautiful eyes of his. ‘Yes. I do. I really, really do.’