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Memorial Stones

REV. DOROTHY ANDERSON

I wrote this memorial piece because I couldn’t find anything in this area of ministry that was particularly helpful in a non-religious context.

We probably all know the various ways we can use stones and pebbles symbolically. This is a version of an Act of Remembrance I took for a group of largely non-churchgoers who wanted to do something to mark the death by suicide of their colleague, a man in his late thirties.

Before the service, at the front of the worship space (or other accessible spot), place a rug or other covering. In the middle, place four or five large stones (available from garden centres).

As the congregation gathers, give them each a small polished stone. Try to make them of different sizes, colours, types (these too can be obtained from garden centres, where they are cheaper than those found in gift shops – but they tend to come in bulk!).

At the appropriate moment, explain:

When you came in, you were given/chose a stone. Look at them now. No two are alike – they are different sizes, shapes, colours and so on. Just as we are.

Yet we are all connected through AB who has died. For in his/her living and in his/her dying, he/she has affected us and brings us together now.

In front of me are some stones – the start not of a cairn [I thought of building a cairn but the thought of the symbolism if it collapsed put me off!] but of a pattern. I don’t know what pattern – that is up to you.

Each of us can come and place our stone down – wherever you want. Where you put it will affect the pattern, and may influence someone else’s decision. But together we create the bigger picture. It needs all of us together, united despite our differences, and our individual contributions to create the pattern.

As you come forward, feel the stone in your hand, think about its size and shape. As you lay it down, think about AB and what he/she means to you. As you lay the stone down, it is your act of remembrance but also your release.

Use the laying down of the stone as a way of letting go also of any burdens you are carrying. Of remorse, guilt, anger, hurt, pain.

And as you return to your places, note that your hands are empty; you are no longer carrying that stone. You return slightly lighter than when you came – use the space left by the stone and by the laying down of your burdens as a chink to let in the light, as an openness to help and healing and wholeness.

NB: Some people may prefer to take their stone as a memento. That is OK – the fact that their stone is not laid down affects the pattern too.