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4. Rested, Fed, Meditated, Walked, Cuddled, and Creatively Satisfied

IF YOU’RE GOING TO STAY CONNECTED to the Net and to the center of yourself, you’re going to have to start taking better care of yourself.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s the opposite of selfish. When you spend all your time giving to others and you’re tired, stressed out, overwhelmed, and exhausted, you are no fun to be around. In fact, making the rest of us deal with you when you are a humorless wreck is really quite selfish of you. (I’m kidding. We love you.)

On the other hand, when you are rested, fed, meditated, walked, cuddled, and creatively satisfied, you bring your best self to the world. You have more to give, and you give more freely. You think more clearly, and you don’t sweat the small stuff.

Here are some behaviors that my existing and former clients have demonstrated that, to me, indicated an imbalance in the whole “taking care of you” thing:

1. Sharon refused to go to the doctor, even though she’d been feeling lousy for a while. (It turned out she had severe anemia, which is easily treated but can be life-threatening if ignored.)

When you are rested, fed, meditated, walked, cuddled, and creatively satisfied, you bring your best self to the world.

2. Diana always works through lunch. Doesn’t everybody? (Nope.)

3. Jason couldn’t help saying yes every time someone asked a favor of him. He had always just assumed that owning a truck meant that he was automatically obligated to help people move.

4. Nancy tolerated long, energy-draining phone calls from “friends” who just wanted to complain.

5. Risa made long, energy-draining calls to her friends just to complain.

6. Claire would buy new clothes for the kids but not for herself.

7. Belinda would go shopping to buy new clothes and end up just buying the exact same thing she always wore. (That’s not shopping, that’s replacing.)

8. Kelly wore old, worn-out shoes. (Nobody notices the scuff-marked heels, do they? Um, yes. We do.)

9. Ava kept the Mother’s Day gift of expensive scented lotion in the cabinet, feeling it was too good for every day. When she finally felt like she had an occasion special enough, she found that it had spoiled.

10. When other people asked Ethan, who was caring for two young kids and his ailing mother, if they could help him out, he would automatically say, “Oh, no thanks,” even though he really could have used an extra hand. He didn’t want to appear needy, even in his time of need.

11. Daniel refused to get new clothes because he was going to lose weight any day now.

12. Ashley thought it would be a waste of money to hire a great coach (or therapist or trainer or teacher) to help her achieve her goals. She kept thinking she should be able to do it all by herself, but so far, anyway, her actions haven’t matched her ambition.

13. Christopher was not keeping his professional skills or his résumé up to date. (Even just keeping a hard copy of your résumé around so you can make little notes on it whenever you get promoted, finish a big project, or obtain a new degree or certification will make it easier to get a new job when you want one, or to negotiate for a better salary in the job you have.)

14. Megan, an artist, didn’t spend enough time cultivating professional relationships, so her circle was small and her resources were limited.

15. Hannah never upgraded her computer. Nor did she back up. (A disaster waiting to happen.)

16. Victoria never allowed herself to sleep in, even when she could.

17. Kayla would fall asleep in movies because she was so exhausted.

18. Kevin had clutter. A lot of clutter. (We’ll talk about the clutter thing more in chapter 47.)

You might feel like it is impossible to find enough time in the day to be well rested, intellectually stimulated, physically active, and well put together, but I assure you that it’s entirely possible. In fact, you probably know someone like that — someone who always looks great, is rarely tardy, and always seems to have a good attitude. That person is that way because of his or her habits. And I promise you, it takes exactly the same amount of time to not take care of yourself as it does to take care of yourself.

It takes exactly the same amount of time to not take care of yourself as it does to take care of yourself.

How do I know? Because everyone gets the same twenty-four hours a day. No one gets more. Some people take that twenty-four hours and manage to raise kids, write books, have hot sex, forgive themselves their belly pooch, and all the other stuff you keep thinking you’ll get to “someday — when it’s not so crazy.” Guess what, honey? The crazy is not your circumstances. The crazy is you.

When you start treating yourself well, you will find that everything else gets a lot easier:

• When you are rested, your mind is clear, and you make better decisions.

• When you are well fed, you are less reactive, and you can more swiftly process information.

• When you are stretching yourself creatively, you become a better problem solver.

• When you feel great about yourself and how you look, your confidence empowers you.

You would never let a child run around ragged, exhausted, underfed, and undercuddled, would you? So please, stop thinking that you taking excellent care of yourself is a luxury you can’t afford. Because the opposite is true: neglecting yourself is a luxury you can’t afford.

The world needs you. The world needs your good work. The world needs your love, your compassion, your insight, and your great good humor. Especially when things get tense, like in traffic jams and at the airport and in line at the grocery store behind the person who’s trying to use an expired coupon and at family events (bless!) and at that horrible monthly sales meeting — and everywhere else you are, too.

The world needs your good work.

LITTLE CHANGES ACTION STEP: Stop rushing. Give yourself a moment of transition between activities. Before you get out of the car, or go into the meeting, or pick up the phone, take three deep breaths (4:7:8) and think something nice about yourself. Just a microsecond “reset” will allow you to be more present and attentive, even when your schedule is jam-packed.