Читать книгу Start Right Where You Are - Sam Bennett - Страница 16

5. Nothing Is More Important Than Your Well-Being

I’M GOING TO INTRODUCE YOU to a wonderful and somewhat radical phrase, and I want you to write it down right now: “Nothing is more important than my well-being.”

You picked up this book because you want your life to be better. And I am here to tell you that the only way your life is going to get better is if you start treating yourself better. So say this phrase aloud and see how you feel about it: “Nothing is more important than my well-being.”

As we move through this work, you’re going to need to repeat this phrase to yourself over and over again. We’re not just putting self-care on the list as an afterthought. We are moving it right up to the very top of the list. In fact, it might become the whole list.

I realize how crazy that might sound. After all, I once walked around with pneumonia for six weeks because I was so busy holding down three part-time jobs (delivering flowers, which was miserable; office receptionist, which was unspeakably dull; and teaching acting, which was great), producing a play at my theater company, appearing in a successful late-night improv comedy show, and still keeping up with the housework that I didn’t notice that my bad cold had turned into something much more serious. The idea of taking time for my own self-care was so remote that I became quite, quite ill.

What thoughts start racing through your mind when you imagine letting the betterment of your own well-being make your decisions for you? “That would be so selfish. . . . I would never do anything for anyone else. . . . Too many other people rely on me.” But is that really true? I bet that when you are well cared for and your inner monologue is friendly, you actually get more done for the people around you. And what if everyone took great care of themselves? What if everyone was well fed and well rested and had a kindly inner monologue going on? Could be a whole new world.

Let’s unpack this “Nothing is more important than your well-being” a bit more.

The negative voices in your head are not more important than your well-being. Your old stories are not more important than your well-being. Even the demands of your family, the pressures of your job, and the good opinion of others are not more important than your well-being. I’m not saying those things are not at all important, of course. They are important. But they are not more important.

Let’s keep going: Your bank account, or what you believe to be the reality of your finances, is not more important than your well-being. Your ego and your big idea about who you are or who you’re supposed to be or where you should be by now are not more important than your well-being. Your desire to be right is not more important than your well-being. Your desire to be liked, your desire to be appreciated, your desire to be approved of are not more important than your well-being.

Pause right there: Can you imagine if you put your well-being ahead of your desire to be approved of? Sit with that for a second. What does that look like? Let’s say you’ve got a morning meditation walk scheduled, and suddenly you get a call telling you that a client is freaking out. Your self-doubt might take over, and you might sacrifice the walk so that you don’t feel like a bad businessperson or just a plain old bad person. But if your well-being is the most important thing, then you go on your walk with the understanding that you will return shortly, better able to be of service to your client. Can you see how radical this is?

Make some notes for yourself about what challenges might show up and appear to be more important than your well-being. (The kids, the boss calling, a headache, a phone call, social media, fatigue, an old story that makes you ask, “Why even bother?”)

What are some of the things that you currently believe are more important than your well-being? Go ahead and write them down. You need to identify these things and put big pink name tags on them so that you recognize them when they show up later. Because, believe me, they will absolutely show up later.

I once had a client named Maryann who wanted to start a coaching business while still working full time. When I challenged her to spend the weekend calling potential clients, she said, “Oh, I would, but I’m scheduled to work on a Habitat for Humanity house this weekend. It’s a work thing — my office does this every year.”

“Nope. You’re just going to have to cancel,” I replied. Maryann actually gasped. I continued, “Tell them you’re sorry, but someone else will have to take your place. Anyone can help build that house, but only you can build your business.”

Now, I adore volunteering, and I certainly understand the value of officemates gathering to do community work. I think it’s wonderful, and I’d like to see more of that kind of behavior. But I could tell that if Maryann was willing to put that commitment ahead of her dreams, then she would put everything ahead of her dreams, which meant that her business would stay just a dream. So, even though she felt like she was going to get demerits on her Good Girl card, she withdrew from the event and found a replacement. Later on she told me that not only did the weekend of calls have a good effect on her new business, but the officemate who replaced her deeply enjoyed the opportunity and began volunteering more regularly. So in fact, Maryann’s willingness to be “selfish” ended up being a triple blessing.

LITTLE CHANGES ACTION STEP: Write down five examples of how exchanging some of your self-sacrificing behaviors for more self-nourishing behaviors could benefit everyone involved. For example, perhaps delegating a recurring errand to the teenage driver in your house could both be a gesture of respect and additional responsibility earned to your teen and give you a much-needed break. This might bring better balance to the whole family. Or maybe there’s a volunteer gig that’s become more draining than satisfying, and so stepping back from that commitment might give someone else a chance to be a leader in that community. Making a change might give you more time for art and fun as well as giving the organization a chance to deepen their bench of volunteers they can count on.