Читать книгу Creating Happiness Intentionally - Sandy MacGregor - Страница 18

Now take some time to ask yourself:

“What roles do I play in relation to: .....…..”

Write your answers in the blank spaces.

....... My Family Life?

Answer:

....... My Social Life?

Answer

....... My Profession/Job/Career.

Answer

....... My Spiritual Life?

Answer

Now put your mind to thinking about your circle of friends and all the people you know now or have met in the past. Ask yourself these questions and write down the answers as they come to you:

Who is the happiest person you know?

Answer:

What does that person do that you could learn from?

Answer

What qualities does he/she have?

Answer

Who are the five people you like and respect the most?

Answer

What qualities do they have?

Answer

What do they do that you could learn from?

Answer

Here are some questions to just think on. You don’t have to write down the answers now. Just think about them as you are reading further in this book.

Who am I really?

Why do I feel I exist?

What am I accomplishing in life?

Where do I want life to lead me?

List the ten things you like MOST about yourself:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

List the ten things you like LEAST about yourself:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Having considered the above exercises, you may have identified some issues which you need to let go from your stream of consciousness.

When you come to consider the idea of “Letting Go” you need to come to grips with one important fact. It is absolutely within your vested interest in life to be able to let go mental and emotional barriers you may have set up in the past. I am not suggesting you have to let go because of some moral, ethical or religious standpoint. I am not suggesting to let go just because it is a good thing to do. There is no doubt in my mind that, whilst letting go might be good on moral, ethical or religious grounds, it can also be justified on the hard headed grounds of self interest.

What types of things am I referring to when I suggest you need to let go? They are the things like resentment and guilt, the tendency to blame and the tendency to make nasty judgments about other people or situations. None of these things can improve our self esteem or create the ideal circumstances for a better, happier, future.

Let’s take resentment. There is no doubt that we all have sources of resentment in our lives. This is quite normal. There is also no doubt that many of the sources of resentment may be quite well justified. You may have been deeply wronged by others at past times in your life. You may have truly been a victim and, with a sense of righteous indignation, truly believe you are morally entitled to carry that resentment forever.

However, in doing this, you will severely limit your ability to achieve happiness. The first bad effect of carrying resentment is that you will constantly focus on the injustice and the fact of your victim-hood. By doing this you will constantly be reminding yourself that you are a victim. You may adopt a victim mentality and once you have done that you have automatically positioned yourself at a low point on the self esteem scale.

The other fact is that by harbouring resentment, you are simply using energy for a negative purpose rather than for a positive purpose. Your mind can become needlessly clouded with negativity. Though you may feel justified in maintaining your resentment – the act of doing it works against your vested interests.

The same logic applies to guilt you may have about some of your past actions. As there may be valid causes of resentment in your life, so too there may be valid reasons why you should feel guilty about things you have done in your life. No life is perfect and we have all caused hardship and pain to others by our wrongful acts in the past. The recognition of our wrongful actions in the past is the basis of guilt.

But for how long should you endlessly carry the guilt for something you have done in the past? To advocate letting go guilt is not to advocate a heartless self denial of what you have done in the past. If there are sources of guilt you need to confront these and do what you can to make good the situation. If the situation cannot be made good, then you might need to make an honest and heartfelt intention to improve your actions in the future. Whatever the causes of your guilt, it is actually impossible to ever completely undo your wrong doing, no matter what your intentions might now be. But to persist with guilt will only create feelings of self loathing which not only inhibit your progress, but also make it more likely you may repeat your harmful actions.

Precisely the same line of logic applies to other mental barriers such as the tendency to blame others and to make judgments about them.

The big question is, “Can any mental effort expended on the quagmires of resentment, guilt, blame, judgment and others serve any purpose in pursuing your future happiness?” I believe the answer is a resounding “No!” I have met many successful business people in my life and one of the characteristics they share is the ability to discard what is useless and pursue only what is useful. In other words, to directly go for the result that best promotes their own vested interests every time. This is the way I believe it should be. If there is no advantage in harbouring resentment, guilt, hate, anger, blame and judgment – let them go!

The following exercise will help you in letting go anger. Anger is almost like a summation of various other motives like resentment, hate, blame, judgment and a desire for revenge. The whole idea of anger implies that the emotion is not just harboured quietly beneath the surface – it is an active emotion, gnawing away at your positive energy. Letting go anger is a high priority.

1.Allow yourself 20 minutes of uninterrupted time in a quiet place to complete the next stage.

2.Get into a comfortable position.

3.EITHER ...

A) Play Sandy’s tape, Peaceful Place No 9 – Letting Go Anger, Side 2, (the words are below)

OR ...

2) Play some baroque music and your friend can slowly read out the guided imagery words to you.

PP9 – Letting Go Anger

Here are a few thoughts for you to consider, during the process of anger: generally speaking there are aspects of resentment or blame or judgement or guilt that are involved. These are all factors that may well contribute to the anger itself. There is sometimes a belief and an expectation when there are other people involved. The starting point through the process of anger is to accept where you are by realising what you’ve done or what has happened. No matter what you’ve done up until now, know that you’ve probably done the best that you knew how at the time. One way forward is you make whatever you’ve done okay for yourself and in that way you can forgive other people that are involved and you can forgive yourself. You can in fact increase your self esteem out of this whole process. You see even if bad thoughts come in you can actually say “no” to the bad thought and don’t accept it. Likewise you can say “yes” to any good thoughts and you accept them. Both actions help self esteem. When you’ve done this tape for anger a few times, then you’ll be able to use a shortened version, whereby you’ll just be able to count from ten to one and on each one of those ten counts you’ll be able to use the process to quickly clear the anger. You could do this in say 30 seconds ... you’ll practise at the end of this meditation.

INDUCTION from Page 33

It’s a good starting point to review an occasion when you showed anger, see the scene or sense that you see it, hear what was said or hear any other sounds and relive the feeling of how it was. Acknowledge and realise inside of you whatever it was that went wrong, you see it as it is, and just now answer these questions to yourself. Who do you resent in this situation? What expectations in fact were violated with that resentment? Did you start to blame either others or yourself? Do you have an expectation of what either you or other people should do? If so, what are they? Now do you find that you are really beginning to judge either yourself or other people because of your expectations? Are you feeling guilty about that and about what you did either in judging yourself or in judging other people? So is there anything that you can do about what other people do? Yes you can accept their behaviour and love them anyway, or you could let them know that their behaviour bothers you. How can you resolve the judgement of others? You can forgive them and realise that they are probably doing the best that they know how and that your standards and their standards may be different. You resolve the judgement of yourself by forgiving yourself and you can realise that whatever you’ve done up until now is the best that you knew how at the time. You can acknowledge yourself for who you are and know that you are growing. You introduce loving into this situation. You can love the other people for who they are, silently to yourself, and you can love and accept yourself the way you are. So you say: “I love and accept myself”, and know that you basically have been able to change your expectation of self and others, change your belief because you know that either you or other people are doing the best they can. And as good thoughts come into you, you just acknowledge those good thoughts and say “yes” to them and you feel better about yourself. If there are any bad thoughts that come in just simply say “no” to the bad thoughts and once again you feel good. When you feel good about yourself your self esteem rises. Imagine and feel that rising. And now just once again picture and imagine that situation, see it, or sense that you see it, feel it, and hear or sense you hear yourself in that same situation and know that you are calm and smiling and generating love and affection and that you are breathing calmly, knowing that you are doing the best you can and that the other people in the same situation are doing the best that they can. You can accept the situation for what it is. Now as you get a sense of that, as you hear the sounds, as you get in touch with your feelings, congratulate yourself for really handling a difficult situation because you’ve handled it well, get that clarity in your mind. Yes, well done, congratulations and you feel really good about yourself knowing that you can be calm and relaxed about any situation. And now on the count of five you will open your eyes being relaxed, well, healthy and invigorated; knowing that you can handle situations, quickly and resourcefully and always remain calm, relaxed and know that you can easily let go anger. And now on the count of five you open your eyes feeling relaxed, well, healthy and invigorated. No. 1 you feel the blood flowing to the end of your fingers and toes. No. 2 you move your fingers and toes. No. 3 you stretch a little bit and No. 4 you roll your neck around. No. 5 eyes open, wide awake, relaxed, well, healthy and invigorated, having released any anger inside you.

Now as I said at the beginning of this tape here is a method that you’ll be able to use to quickly release anger. You need to practise getting into your Peaceful Place fast so that you can get there in a few seconds and when you’re there you just say to yourself “Now I count from ten down to one and on the count of one I am relaxed and have released all my anger.” Here are some suggestions as to the type of statement or question you make on each number as you count down – No. 10. Who am I resenting and who is it hurting? No. 9 Am I blaming anybody, myself or others? No. 8 Is there any judgement involved in this? No. 7 Do my belief systems get in the way? No. 6 Have I got any expectations? No. 5 Is there any guilt involved? No. 4 I accept the situation for what it is. No. 3 All of us are doing the best we can with the tools that we have. No. 2 I forgive myself and others. No. 1 I am relaxed and have released my anger – sense your positive emotion. And you take a deep breath and go on about your business.

At the end of the tape I encourage you to do two more activities: