Читать книгу Blaikie’s Guide to Modern Manners - Thomas Blaikie - Страница 17

Have the soap operas, particularly the one of this section’s name, put people off being neighbourly? If you start speaking to the neighbours you will certainly end up sleeping with most of them and marrying quite a few. Rumours about your sexuality will start flying around and you’ll have to do some more sleeping around to prove the contrary. Roughly every four years you will be the victim of a con man. In the years when you are not a victim of a con man one of the following will be bound to happen: you will be wrongly accused of either murder or major fraud, never both; your house will burn down; you will trip over a paving stone and successfully sue the council; you will disappear overseas, never to be heard of again.

It’s neighbourly where Matt lives, in a nice new-build in Peterborough. At Christmas time, they’re in and out of each other’s houses, having drinks; the mothers share the school run and there’s a summer party. But elsewhere it’s a different story. ‘Some years ago, I was struggling to get a bag of manure in and a neighbour rushed out of his house to help me,’ says Mrs Gibbs, who lives in one of a row of Victorian cottages in Winchester. ‘But whenever I’ve seen that man subsequently – not a flicker. I seem to have become invisible.’

People are peculiar. There have been other cases of neighbours steadfastly refusing to pop next door for a cup of tea or even a meal, possibly because their own house is a tip and they dread having to ask back. In other cases, hospitality is accepted but never returned. Some people avoid their neighbours on principle, dreading being stuck with them if they so much as exchange a word.

Zoe’s street in Balham is not very neighbourly but this may be to do with her habit of putting the rubbish out on the wrong day. There’s also the matter of her noisy parties…

 ‘Love thy neighbour as thyself’ – neighbourliness is more than good manners, it is a virtue, a mark of goodness.

 It doesn’t matter if your neighbours are dull or even a nuisance – they are your neighbours. You have something in common.

 Don’t shun your neighbours out of mean-spiritedness – jealousy over their decor, dread of having to ask back, fear of being lumbered. This is nonsense.

 If you accept hospitality from your neighbours, which you should, don’t forget to ask them back (see Do we dare to ask them back?, page 132).

 Ignoring your neighbours or, even worse, ignoring them after you have spoken once or twice, is unkind and hostile. They will assume that they have given offence or that you look down on them in some way. They will be hurt.

 Noise is a serious business. Loud music, banging doors, shouting etc. can cause real distress. There is the thing itself but also the feeling of being trampled all over, not shown any consideration, as well as the anxiety over whether it’s ever going to stop.

 Respond readily to any requests to make less noise.

 If you are planning a party with music, check with neighbours well in advance (‘We hope you won’t mind’ etc.) and give them accurate information about how long you are proposing to play music for. Invite them to the party.