Читать книгу Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни - Группа авторов - Страница 2

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster, one that would service all of his many hens, and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, «I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!»

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. «Randy,» he said, «I'm counting on you to do your stuff.» And without a word Randy strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there, he went into the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same.

The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, «Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself.» But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, «Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, my little buddy.»

«Shhhhh!» Randy whispered. «The buzzard's getting closer.»

Study the words and expressions given below:

to service обслуживать; зд. с.-х. огуливать, топтать, покрывать

rooster петух

vendor продавец

horny рогатый; зд. сленг озабоченный, похотливый

pep сленг энергичный

stuff зд. работа, работенка

strut ходить с гордым, напыщенным видом

furious яростный

to mount взбираться

squawk пронзительно кричать, верещать

feathers перья

frantic неистовый, разъяренный

расе скорость, темп

buzzard сарыч

buddy сленг приятель

he wanted to have his hens serviced он хотел, чтобы его кур покрыли (have sth done букв. устроить так, чтобы кто-то сделал что-л. для тебя)

to set sb loose освободить кого-л., дать кому-л. волю

to give sb a little talk поговорить с кем-л.

to count on sb рассчитывать на кого-л.

there was much squawking было много кудахтанья

to have one's way with покончить с кем-л.

to finish having закончить делать что-л.

in the same manner тем же способом, в той же манере

to roll back закатить (глаза)

to get closer приблизиться

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. Why did the farmer go to the market?

2. What sort of a rooster did he want to have?

3. What did the farmer tell Randy before setting him loose?

4. Where did Randy go after he had finished his way with the hens?

5. What was the farmer afraid of?

6. What did the farmer think when he saw Randy lying on the lawn?

7. What do you think Randy would do after he had finished with the buzzard? Don't you think the farmer is in danger?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. A farmer wanted to have his hens _______.

2. He was hoping he could get a _______ rooster.

3. Before setting him _______, he gave him a little talk.

4. He mounted all the horses at the same _______ pace.

5. In the pighouse he did _______.

6. His legs were _______ in the air, his eyes rolled_______.

7. A buzzard was already _______ above Randy.

8. The buzzard's _______ closer.

3. Say if the statement is true or false:

1. A farmer wanted to have his pigs serviced.

2. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see.

3. So the farmer took Randy to the farm.

4. Before setting him loose, he had a long talk with Randy.

5. Having finished his way with each hen, Randy stopped.

6. The farmer, watching all of this, cried out, «O.K., Randy, carry on!»

7. A buzzard was circling above Randy.

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Он отправился на рынок в поисках петуха.

2. У меня как раз есть для тебя петух.

3. Я рассчитываю на тебя, что ты сделаешь свою работенку.

4. Ни слова не говоря, Рэнди с гордым видом направился в курятник.

5. Было много пронзительный криков и летящих перьев.

6. Рэнди закончил свои дела с каждой курицей.

7. Фермер смотрел на это все с недоверием.

8. Бедняга, ты убил себя. Я тебя предупреждал.

Revise English Grammar

Любое предложение в английском языке, содержащее существительное, включает в свой состав и артикль – определенный, неопределенный или «нулевой»: А (неопределенный артикль) farmer wanted to have his («нулевой» артикль) hens serviced, so he went to the (определенный артикль) market looking for a rooster…

Проверьте свои навыки использования артикля, при необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 1).

6. Insert articles where necessary:

1. _______ farmer wanted to have his _______ hens serviced, so he went to _______ market looking for _______ rooster.

2. He wanted to find _______ very good rooster to service all his _______ hens, and when he told this to _______ market vendor, man answered. «I've just _______ rooster for you.»

3. "Randy here i is greatest rooster you might have ever seen!"

4. So farmer took Randy back to the farm.

7. Render the joke.