Читать книгу Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни - Группа авторов - Страница 6

One lady approaches a priest and tells him, «Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.»

«What do they say?» the priest asked.

"They only know how to say 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "

«That's terrible!» the priest exclaimed. «But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.»

«Oh, thank you, Father!» said the lady.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots, and the female parrots say, «Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?» One male parrot looks over to the other and says, «Put the Bible away! Our prayers have been answered!»

Study the words and expressions given below:

to approach приближаться

female особь женского пола

male особь мужского пола

Hi! Привет!

prostitute проститутка

to exclaim восклицать

solution решение

to pray молить(ся)

to worship боготворить

the Bible Библия

rosary beads четки

to have some fun развлекаться

to stop saying прекратить говорить

our prayers have been answered наши молитвы были услышаны

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. How many things do the lady's parrots know how to say?

2. What do they call themselves?

3. Who offered help to the lady?

4. What has the priest taught his parrots to do?

5. What does the priest think his parrots will teach the lady's ones to do?

6. What do the male parrots hold?

7. What have the male parrots been actually begging the Lord for?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. That's _______!

2. I have a _______ to your problem.

3. _______ your parrots over to my house.

4. I have _______ my parrots to pray and read the Bible.

5. The lady _______ her female parrots to the priest's house.

6. The male parrots are _______ rosary beads.

7. «Do you want _______ some fun?»

8. One male parrot looks _______ to the other and says, «Put the Bible away».

3. Say if the statement is true or false:

1. I have twenty-three talking female parrots.

2. "They only know how to say 'Hi, we are insurance agents. Do you want to have some fun?' "

3. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.

4. Your female parrots will learn to play.

5. The lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

6. The priest's two male parrots are holding a party in their cage.

7. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots.

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Одна дама подходит к священнику и говорит ему: «Отец, у меня проблема».

2. Они только и знают, что говорить «Привет!»

3. «Это ужасно!» – воскликнул священник.

4. Мои попугаи отучат ваших говорить эти ужасные вещи.

5. Отложи Библию.

6. Наша молитва была услышана.

Revise English Grammar

В предложении I will put them with my two male talking parrots, and my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that phrase используется одна из форм будущего времени английского глагола – простое будущее время.

Проверьте свои знания этой формы (при необходимости воспользуйтесь грамматическим комментарием; раздел 5).

6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate Future forms of the verbs given in brackets, where necessary:

1. The lady (to visit) _______ the priest next Tuesday.

2. These parrots never (to say) _______ such things again.

3. The priest's two male talking parrots (to pray and read the Bible) _______ from six till seven tomorrow.

4. My parrots (to teach) _______ your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.

5. They (to teach) _______ them to pray and worship by next Sunday.

6. «I will solve your problem,» the priest said, «if you (to bring) _______ your parrots over to my house.»

7. Tell me, when you (to bring) _______ your parrots.

7. Make as many special questions to the sentences given as possible:

1. I will buy these two talking female parrots.

2. But I will have a solution to your problem.

3. I will put them with my two male talking parrots.

4. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.

5. Your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.

8. Insert articles where necessary:

1. One lady approaches _______ priest.

2. Father, I have _______ problem.

3. I have these two _______ talking female parrots.

4. "What do they say? _______ priest asked.

5. Do you want to have some _______ fun?

6. I have _______ solution to your problem.

7. Thank you, _______ Father!

8. The priest's two male _______ parrots are holding rosary beads.

9. Render the joke.