Читать книгу 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do - Amy Morin, Amy Morin - Страница 7
ОглавлениеIt’s not that people are either mentally strong or mentally weak. We all possess some degree of mental strength, but there’s always room for improvement. Developing mental strength is about improving your ability to regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances.
Just as there are those among us who are predisposed to develop physical strength more easily than others, mental strength seems to come more naturally to some people. There are several factors at play to determine the ease at which you develop mental strength:
• Genetics—Genes play a role in whether or not you may be more prone to mental health issues, such as mood disorders.
• Personality—Some people have personality traits that help them think more realistically and behave more positively by nature.
• Experiences—Your life experiences influence how you think about yourself, other people, and the world in general.
Obviously, you can’t change some of these factors. You can’t erase a bad childhood. You can’t help it if you are genetically predisposed to ADHD. But that doesn’t mean you can’t increase your mental strength. Anyone has the power to increase mental strength by devoting time and energy on the self-improvement exercises throughout this book.
The Basis of Mental Strength
Imagine a man who feels nervous about social situations. To minimize his anxiety, he avoids starting conversations with his coworkers. The less he speaks with his coworkers, the less they initiate conversation with him. When he enters the break room and passes people in the hallway without anyone speaking to him, he thinks, I must be socially awkward. The more he thinks about how awkward he is, the more nervous he feels about starting conversations. As his anxiety increases, his desire to avoid his coworkers also increases. This results in a self-perpetuating cycle.
To understand mental strength, you have to learn how your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings are all intertwined, often working together to create a dangerous downward spiral as in the preceding example. This is why developing mental strength requires a three-pronged approach:
1. Thoughts—Identifying irrational thoughts and replacing them with more realistic thoughts.
2. Behaviors—Behaving in a positive manner despite the circumstances.
3. Emotions—Controlling your emotions so your emotions don’t control you.
We hear it all the time: “Think positive.” But optimism alone isn’t enough to help you reach your full potential.
Choose Behavior Based on Balanced Emotions and Rational Thinking
I’m terrified of snakes. Yet my fear is completely irrational. I live in Maine. We don’t have a single poisonous snake in the wild. I don’t see snakes very often, but when I do, my heart leaps into my throat and I’m tempted to run as fast as I can in the other direction. Usually, before I run away, I’m able to balance my sheer panic with rational thoughts that remind me that there’s no logical reason to feel afraid. Once my rational thinking kicks in, I can walk by the snake—as long as he’s a safe distance away. I still don’t want to pick him up or pet him, but I can continue past him without letting my irrational fear interfere with my day.
We make our best decisions in life when we balance our emotions with rational thinking. Stop and think for a minute about how you behave when you’re really angry. It’s likely that you’ve said and done some things that you regretted later, because you were basing your actions on your emotions, not logic. But making choices based on rational thinking alone also doesn’t make for good decisions. We are human beings, not robots. Our hearts and our heads need to work together to control our bodies.
Many of my clients question their ability to control their thoughts, emotions, and behavior. “I can’t help the way I feel,” they say. Or “I can’t get rid of the negative thoughts that run through my head,” and “I just can’t get motivated to do what I want to accomplish.” But with increased mental strength, it’s possible.
The Truth about Mental Strength
There’s a lot of misinformation and misconception about what it means to be mentally strong. Here are some of the truths about mental strength:
• Being mentally strong isn’t about acting tough. You don’t have to become a robot or appear to have a tough exterior when you’re mentally strong. Instead, it’s about acting according to your values.
• Mental strength doesn’t require you to ignore your emotions. Increasing your mental strength isn’t about suppressing your emotions; instead it’s about developing a keen awareness of them. It’s about interpreting and understanding how your emotions influence your thoughts and behavior.
• You don’t have to treat your body like a machine to be mentally strong. Mental strength isn’t about pushing your body to its physical limits just to prove you can ignore pain. It’s about understanding your thoughts and feelings well enough that you can determine when to behave contrary to them, and when to listen to them.
• Being mentally strong doesn’t mean you have to be completely self-reliant. Mental strength isn’t about proclaiming that you don’t ever need help from anyone or any type of higher power. Admitting you don’t have all the answers, asking for help when you need it, and acknowledging that you can gain strength from a higher power is a sign of a desire to grow stronger.
• Being mentally strong is not about positive thinking. Thinking overly positive thoughts can be just as detrimental as thinking overly negative thoughts. Mental strength is about thinking realistically and rationally.
• Developing mental strength isn’t about chasing happiness. Being mentally strong will help you to be more content in life, but it isn’t about waking up every day and trying to force yourself to feel happy. Instead, it’s about making the decisions that will help you reach your full potential.
• Mental strength isn’t just the latest pop psychology trend. Just like the physical fitness world is filled with fad diets and fitness trends, the world of psychology is often filled with fleeting ideas about how to become your best self. Mental strength isn’t a trend. The psychology field has been helping people learn how to change their thoughts, feelings, and behavior since the 1960s.
• Mental strength isn’t synonymous with mental health. While the healthcare industry often talks in terms of mental health versus mental illness, mental strength is different. Just like people can still be physically strong even if they have a physical health ailment like diabetes, you can still be mentally strong even if you have depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems. Having a mental illness doesn’t mean you’re destined to have bad habits. Instead, you can still choose to develop healthy habits. It may require more work, more focus, and more effort, but it’s very possible.
The Benefits of Mental Strength
It’s often easy to feel mentally strong when life is going well, but at times problems arise. A job loss, a natural disaster, an illness in the family, or a death of a loved one is sometimes inevitable. When you’re mentally strong, you’ll be more prepared to deal with life’s challenges. Benefits of increasing your mental strength include:
• Increased resilience to stress—Mental strength is helpful in everyday life, not just in the midst of a crisis. You’ll become better equipped to handle problems more efficiently and effectively, and it can reduce your overall stress level.
• Improved life satisfaction—As your mental strength increases, your confidence will also increase. You’ll behave according to your values, which will give you peace of mind, and you’ll recognize what’s really important in your life.
• Enhanced performance—Whether your goal is to be a better parent, to increase your productivity at the office, or to perform better on the athletic field, increasing your mental strength will help you reach your full potential.
How to Develop Mental Strength
You’ll never become an expert at anything by simply reading a book. Athletes don’t become elite competitors after reading about their sport nor do top musicians increase their musical abilities by simply watching other performers play. They also have to practice.
The following thirteen chapters aren’t meant to be a checklist that you either do or don’t do. They are a description of habits that everyone falls prey to sometimes. It’s meant to help you find better ways to cope with life’s challenges so you can avoid these pitfalls. It’s about growing, improving, and striving to become a little better than you were yesterday.
