Читать книгу A Million Blessings - Angela Benson - Страница 13

Sandra stood on the lanai of the Waikiki bungalow her husband had rented for their retreat, looking beyond the soothing blue ocean. Despair settled around her when she should have been at her happiest. Her children were sleeping soundly in their rooms. Their leadership team was installed in identical bungalows down the beach. Her parents were in the bungalow next door. Everything was going as she and Andrew had planned. Except she hadn’t planned on the casino nestled on the grounds of their resort.

Andrew was doing so well that she hadn’t given much thought to his problem. She’d been too busy working with him to build the ministry. They’d gotten their team together and found a building. From what she could see, Andrew didn’t have the time or the inclination to gamble. He was totally committed to the ministry. Stop torturing yourself, she said silently. He’s not going to start gambling again.

She was beginning to believe she was right until that afternoon when the group had decided they wanted to spend the evening in the casino. She’d tried to talk them out of it to no avail. So now she stood here on the lanai while her husband dressed for his night out, without her.

She turned when she heard him cross the threshold onto the lanai. “Don’t go, Andrew. You can make an excuse.”

He came to her and pressed a kiss on her forehead. “Stop worrying. Everything will be fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You have a problem, Andrew. Twice we almost lost everything because of it. I can’t live through a third time.”

He sighed. “There’s not going to be a third time. I’ve got it under control. We’re just going out to have a little fun.”

She tried another tact. “Do you think it’s appropriate for the pastor and leadership team of Showers of Blessings to be hanging out in a casino?”

He leaned back against the railing. “You don’t lose your faith because you walk into a casino, Sandra. Showers of Blessings is not going to have any Christian litmus test, other than the Bible. I thought you wanted us to be different from Praise City, with all its do’s and don’ts.”

Andrew had an answer for everything, just as he always did. “That’s not the issue,” she said. “The issue is that you have a gambling problem and you shouldn’t be in a casino.”

He checked his watch, a new Rolex, and then moved away from the railing. “Come with me,” he said. “Even your parents are coming. You’ll have fun and you can keep an eye on me.”

Sandra shook her head. “I can’t.”

He kissed her forehead. “I won’t stay out too late,” he said. And then he left her standing alone on the lanai.

Sandra turned back to the ocean, wiping at the tears that now rolled down her cheeks. They had everything and she was afraid they were going to lose it. How could Andrew even take the chance? Didn’t he realize the severity of his gambling problem? It wasn’t something that he could get over by the sheer force of his will. He’d tried. And failed. Twice.

Sandra turned when she heard the door open, her heart growing light. Thank God, she thought, Andrew had changed his mind and decided to stay home.

“Sandra,” her mother’s voice called. “Where are you?”

Sandra’s heart sank. “I’m out on the lanai, Mom.” She wiped her tears away and prayed her mother wouldn’t be able to tell she’d been crying.

“I just saw Andrew,” Ida said when she joined her. “He said you were staying in because you weren’t feeling well. What’s wrong?”

“Just tired, Mom. Nothing to worry about.”

Her mother came closer, studied her face. “You’ve been crying. What’s wrong, Sandra?”

Sandra took a deep breath, debating how much to tell her mother. “I’m worried about Andrew.”

“Ahh,” her mother said, “because he’s going to the casino.”

“Bingo!”

“He hasn’t gotten help, has he?”

Sandra shook her head. “With the money and the new church, I thought everything would work itself out. He promised me that the lottery would be the last time.”

“Lottery?” her mother asked. “What are you talking about?”

Sandra debated lying to her mother, but quickly decided she needed to unburden herself. “Andrew didn’t get an inheritance, Mom. When all was lost, he bought two lottery tickets and we won. Twenty million dollars.”

Her mother dropped down in a wicker chaise. “You won the lottery?”

Sandra nodded.

“Why did you lie about where the money came from?”

“Because we were ashamed. With Andrew being a minister in a church that preached regularly on the evils of gambling, including playing the lottery, how could we explain our winnings to the pastor and the congregation?”

“So you came up with this elaborate lie?”

Sandra hated the look of disappointment in her mother’s eyes. “We’re doing good things with the money, Mom. Showers of Blessings is going to be a blessing to a lot of people.”

Ida shook her head. “You’re deceiving yourself, Sandra. How can it be a blessing when it’s based on a lie? How can it be a blessing when Andrew’s vice is its foundation?”

Her mother was voicing all the concerns Sandra had willfully pushed out of her mind. “God knows our hearts,” she said. “That’s what matters.”

“What matters is that you’re lying on a daily basis,” her mother corrected. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

Sandra sat on the chaise next to her mother. “But we’re lying so that people will be helped. How many people do you think would go to a church founded with lottery money?”

Her mother shook her head. “A lot of people, I’d guess. Sure, some folks might be skeptical about a pastor who plays the lottery, but telling the truth would have given you and Andrew an opening to talk about how gambling had damaged your family.”

Sandra knew her mother was right, but it was too late for her and Andrew to make that choice. They had to stick with the road they had chosen. That is, unless Andrew blew it by going back to his old ways. “Are you going to tell Dad?” she asked.

“I know I should, but I won’t. I think you should, though.”

“I can’t,” Sandra said. “I just can’t.”

Her mother got up and kissed her on her cheek. “I’ll just wait until the day you can. You’re a stronger woman than you think, Sandra. I hope you believe that one day.”

Sandra watched her mother leave the lanai. While she knew the older woman had a point, Sandra had more pressing issues. She had to keep her family together and her husband in line. With a sigh, she left the lanai and headed to their bedroom to dress. She’d call for a sitter and then she’d join her husband in the casino. If he wouldn’t help himself, it was her duty to help him.