Читать книгу Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 17

By now you’re beginning to understand a lot more about why men are the way they are – why “to be a man” means to hide one’s emotions, to fight off the competition, to struggle against the harsh world and survive, to cling to one’s independence, to stay in control. Men are pulled by habits passed down from generation to generation, and are conditioned by their parents and society, which teach them values that close them off to intimacy.

By deciding to be the “real man” society has taught him he must be, a man chooses to embody the very qualities that make it impossible for him to open up and experience true intimacy with the woman he loves

This chart helps illustrate the tremendous emotional challenge men are facing today:

So here we are, modern women, telling the men in our lives that the characteristics they’ve worked so hard to cultivate are the very ones that drive us crazy and turn us off; and that the characteristics we really want to see them develop are the ones they have been taught to see as “weak” and “unmanly” and have fought so hard to avoid. When you think about it this way, it’s a lot easier to understand why men seem to resist changing, why they feel that we’re pressuring them unfairly, why they appear to be so bad at simple relationship skills that are so simple for us.

We expect men to be competent in skills for which they have absolutely no training – the very skills, it so happens, that women are best at – the ability to express emotion, to be intimate, to nurture, and to love

Over the past ten years I’ve worked with thousands of men, and I can assure you that men do want to open up, to learn to fell deeply and express those feelings to the women they love. But the process is a difficult, even frightening one for them, and I hope that, after reading this chapter, you can understand why. The men in your life need all of the compassion, patience, and support you can find in your heart, to help them open theirs.

The Chinese curse at the beginning of this chapter states: “May you live in changing times,” and these times are certainly changing. The old ways of living and loving don’t work anymore, and we still haven’t figured out the new ways. In the meantime we’re still trying to have relationships, and we’re experiencing a lot of disappointment and confusion in the process. But the challenge of change lies in the incredible opportunity it offers us for new levels of wisdom and new heights of personal growth. This book is dedicated to helping you turn your challenges with men into exciting new adventures in loving.