Читать книгу Happy Kids: The Secrets to Raising Well-Behaved, Contented Children - Cathy Glass, Cathy Glass - Страница 18

Always take a positive view, and assume that good behaviour in your child is the norm. Start each day afresh and do not hang on to past grievances. Children quickly move on and forget their bad behaviour. They want your praise for doing what is right, so they won’t dwell on instances when they didn’t get it right, and neither should you.

You, as the parent, need to set the example, the base line, when it comes to assuming positive behaviour. If your child misbehaves, act surprised – ‘Good heavens, Tom! You know you don’t do that.’ And if Tom persists in misbehaving, then employ the 3Rs – Request, Repeat and Reaffirm. You can refer to a previous negative incident if Tom is repeating an act that you have already dealt with, but don’t labour the point – ‘Tom, I told you yesterday why you mustn’t run your lorry over the coffee table. Play with it on the floor. Good boy.’ Tom will more than likely now do as you have asked. He wants to be liked and he doesn’t want the lorry to be taken away again. But if Tom doesn’t comply then calmly warn him of the consequences, as you did the day before and, if necessary, remove the lorry, returning it later to the toy box so that it doesn’t become an issue.

It is essential to be positive and assume good behaviour in your child, as otherwise you will be setting yourself up for failure. Your feelings of negativity will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and your expectations of bad behaviour met. The term ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ applies to many situations, throughout life, and is a useful concept to remember when managing your child. Simply, it is a prediction that causes itself to become true. So that if you are in a negative frame of mind and expecting the worst, then almost certainly the worst will come to you. Conversely, if you are positive, then your body language will express this in hundreds of subtle signals that others subconsciously pick up and react to. Some studies have suggested that non-verbal communication – i.e. body language – accounts for 55 per cent of our communication, with tone of voice making up 38 per cent and words a mere 7 per cent. Children (and adults) read non-verbal signs and act accordingly.

When managing your child’s behaviour, feel positive and act positively, even if things aren’t going well. Your child will tune into your positive ‘vibes': Mum likes me, and Mum knows I’m going to behave, therefore I will. Remember that children are not born to challenge you and misbehave; there is no naughty gene, despite what you might feel sometimes. Children are clean slates upon which you can write. Even if there has been a lot of negative behaviour in the past, using the 3Rs you can wipe the slate clean and by being positive improve your child’s behaviour.