Читать книгу The Power of Positive Aging - David Lereah - Страница 11

CHAPTER FOUR

Mindfulness

One of the secrets to successful positive aging is to live in the present moment. We mustn’t worry about the future or dwell in the past when confronting physical and mental decline. For many people, growing old means a simpler way of life filled with fewer distractions. This may make it easier to live in the present than when we were young and occupied with so many family, social, and work responsibilities.

Choosing to live in the past or worry about the future is self-defeating for older people because it robs them of the chance to truly live. The only important moment is the present moment. This should be quite clear to older people, whose best interest is to appreciate every precious moment in life. It is especially clear to people experiencing life-threatening diseases/conditions.

Mindfulness has enjoyed a surge in popularity in the past two decades, as reflected both in the media and in psychotherapy practices, and also in the habits and practices of millions of ordinary people. Mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience. For our purposes, mindfulness is important because it creates the right mindset for successfully aging.

Mindfulness is closely associated with Buddhist meditative practices and can be developed using the meditation techniques presented in this chapter. Meditation is typically practiced sitting or lying in a comfortable position as you focus on breathing in and out. By focusing your awareness on your breathing, you empty your mind of other thoughts. If you become distracted and a stray thought pops into your mind (which will happen from time to time), accept the distraction in a nonjudgmental way and then focus again on breathing.

Mindfulness is realizing that you are not your mind. You are not all those thoughts, judgments, and noise running through your head. You are the awareness of your mind’s activities; you are just “awareness”—you are at peace.

To attain true mindfulness, you should aspire to 30-minute meditation sessions. But you’ll need to build yourself up to that level—the more you meditate, the easier it becomes to maintain awareness of your breathing and achieve peace of mind.

It may surprise many Westerners who are unfamiliar with Buddhism, but one of Buddhism’s primary missions is to deal with aging and finality, in which mindfulness plays an important role. Buddhism was founded by a man pursuing freedom from suffering caused by sickness, aging, and death. Therefore, Buddhism provides a path to follow in dealing with the inconveniences of aging.

To gain a deeper appreciation for today’s Buddhism and how it helps us deal with aging, here is how the Buddha achieved nirvana and spread his teachings.

The Buddha and His Teachings

Prince Siddhartha sat down to meditate under a large bodhi tree, facing east. He promised himself, “I will not give up until I achieve my goal to find freedom from suffering, for myself and all people.”

Siddhartha fell into a deep meditation. He let go of all outside disturbances and emptied his mind of all past pleasures and thoughts. Within the stillness of his mind, he focused on discovering the truth about life and suffering. His mind embarked on a journey through his previous lives.

Siddhartha saw how beings are reborn according to the law of cause and effect, or karma. He saw that doing good things resulted in peace, not suffering. He realized that suffering came from greed and greed came from believing that we are more important than everybody else.

Siddhartha’s ultimate journey was achieving nirvana, a state of mind that was free from any suffering. So, at the age of 35, Siddhartha became the Buddha, the Supreme Enlightened One.

The Buddha set out to teach ideal truths (dharma) to his people. He taught the other monks the truth about life and suffering and showed them how to end suffering by achieving enlightenment.

The Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths. The first Noble Truth was that suffering exists; the second was about the cause of suffering; the third was that it is possible to end suffering; and the fourth explained the path to ending suffering.

The Buddha also taught the Five Precepts, which were training rules to create good karma: Respect and be kind to all living things. Do not kill or steal. Do not be unfaithful to your wife. Do not lie. And do not take intoxicants. The Buddha stressed that there is a cause for everything and whatever comes into existence will also decay.

The Buddha told his disciples to practice and teach these basic principles. In simple terms, Buddha’s message was: Do good things and purify your mind.

Today’s Mindfulness Teachings

Many people in modern society have taken the baton from Buddha—Eckhart Tolle is one of them. Tolle wrote a best-selling book, The Power of Now, promulgating the virtues of living in the present. In this spiritual classic, Tolle reveals how he experienced a state of desperation when he hit rock bottom in his life. To quote Tolle:

“I could feel that a deep longing for non-existence was becoming much stronger than my desire to continue to live.”

Then, as Tolle tells us, his mind stopped—there were no more thoughts. He sensed an energy force and his body began to shake. He heard the words, “resist nothing,” and suddenly, he felt no fear. Ever since, Tolle has lived in the moment, in a state of peace and bliss, and he has dedicated his life to helping others do the same.

What does the act of mindfulness actually do for us as we age?

MY JOURNEY

For me personally, mindfulness is—everything. Before my cancer diagnosis at 62, I had a difficult few years. In my mid-50s, I was a casualty of the financial crisis. I was the chief economist of the nation’s largest trade association, the National Association of Realtors, and I was riding high during the real estate boom. I had media appearances (television, print, radio, Internet) and gave speeches across the nation. I authored a book (Are You Missing the Real Estate Boom?), in which I projected that the boom would continue for another two to three years. However, the real estate boom turned into a real estate bust just as my book was released. I was flooded with negative publicity and vilified on the Internet. Reporters and bloggers believed I had misled people into buying homes that would soon turn into foreclosures. No one bothered to learn that I followed my own advice and invested my money in real estate. I truly believed the boom would continue and I bet on my beliefs by acquiring seven investment properties during that time period.

I was in a sorrowful place—my world had turned upside down and inside out. My mind flooded with thoughts of nonexistence. For the next several years I was depressed about my past and frightened about my future. It was only when I learned to live in the present (through meditation and other techniques) that I was able to “right” my life. When I decided to let go of the past and not to worry about things that haven’t happened yet, I experienced a paradigm shift in consciousness. My self-worth, which had hit bottom, gained an upward trajectory.

Living in the present moment is how I survived my personal crisis. It is how I survived cancer, and it will be how I survive and cope with growing old. Living in the present moment means I know what’s happening in the here and now. For example, if I raise my hand, I am conscious of the fact that I’m raising my hand. My mind is lifting my arm toward the ceiling and my fingers extend outward, waving toward the ceiling. I am not distracted by any other thoughts.

For me, the beauty of meditation is that after I meditate for a few minutes, I have the sensation that I am more than just my physical body. This broadened mindset has become a psychological advantage that I want to have as I continue to experience physical decline with aging.

To be mindful means being aware, and to be aware in the present moment takes concentration and energy. Reflections of past events and worries and anxiety about the future are always there, ready to distract you. You can acknowledge them, but then shift focus and return to the present moment.

Ways to Live in the Present

Aging generally promises a simpler life, which creates an opportunity to live in the present.

If you feel negativity about your older self, you are likely thinking about the past, reflecting on what it was like to be younger looking, free of wrinkles, etc. Practice living in the present and you will minimize thoughts about your younger self. If you have nothing to compare your older appearance to, there is no benchmark—and thus there is no reason for negativity.

Spending time with nature is one way I enjoy living in the present. I find time to take long walks outside in my neighborhood. You would be surprised how a walk by yourself helps you be more in the moment. I also practice simple meditation of just 5 minutes in the morning and at night. If you can practice simple meditation on a regular basis (say, every Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday), you will live a more mindful existence.

Here are some ways that people today live in the present.

Meditate

Of course, the most effective way to achieve mindfulness is to practice intense meditative techniques. As mentioned earlier, to attain true mindfulness you should aspire to 30-minute meditation sessions. The more you meditate, the easier it becomes to maintain awareness of your breathing, which helps empty the mind.

Here is a simple way to meditate:

➢ Sit or lie comfortably

➢ Close your eyes

➢ Breathe naturally

➢ Focus your attention on your breathing and how your body moves with each inhalation and exhalation

➢ Focus and repeat a mantra such as “ohm” or “I’m”

➢ Come back into focus when you wander

➢ You are now in a meditative state

I admit, I had a difficult time meditating during my treatment; I was easily distracted due to my heightened anxiety. However, instead of getting frustrated and more anxious because of failed meditation, I chose to practice what I call simple meditation—meditating for just 2 to 5 minutes per session. Although meditating for less than 5 minutes seemed fruitless, it was effective over a period. Of course, if you can meditate for 30 minutes or more, do it.

After meditating, people are more likely to focus their attention in the present. Meditation makes your mind calmer and more focused. Even a simple 2-to-5-minute breathing meditation can help you overcome the stress of aging, and it will help you find a measure of inner peace and balance. If you are able to perform an intense 30-minute meditation, you will transform negative energy to positive energy, and go from being despondent to satisfied. Ripening positive thoughts is the purpose of the transforming meditations found in the Buddhist tradition.

When you achieve a deep meditative state, I believe you touch your spirit. You will experience a calming sensation; you will feel less stress and you will be free from your ego. Thoughts about the past and worries about the future are absent; you are now in the present moment. Meditating several times a day is like refueling your spiritual tank—it gives you the spiritual energy to cope with the inconveniences of aging on a daily basis.

For people who do not want to fully integrate meditation into their lives, I suggest trying out my simple approach of meditating two times per day for just 2 to 5 minutes for each session. Apps such as Simple Habit, Calm, and Headspace offer brief, easy-to-use meditation sessions. (See chapter 14, A Lifestyle Plan for Positive Aging, for additional suggestions.)

Morning. Take 2 to 5 minutes out of your morning to meditate. Morning meditation awakens your spirit, putting you in the best position to deal with aging-related issues throughout the day.

Evening. Take 2 to 5 minutes out of your evening to meditate. Evening meditation helps cleanse your ego of negative thoughts that have built up throughout the day.

Avoid Multitasking

For many people, it gets easier to slow down life and avoid multitasking as they age. Life gets simpler with fewer responsibilities, and a simpler life is a more calming and peaceful life, which allows you to better focus on present moments.

Practice Tai Chi and Qigong

If you are looking for a way to reduce stress and practice mindfulness, consider tai chi or qigong.

Tai chi is an ancient Chinese tradition that is practiced as a graceful form of exercise. It involves a series of movements performed in a slow, focused manner that is combined with deep breathing. Today, tai chi is used for stress reduction and a variety of other health conditions. It is often described as meditation in motion. Tai chi is suitable for older people who may not otherwise exercise, since it is low-impact and does not involve rigorous and intense physical activity. Tai chi requires no special equipment and can be done indoors or outdoors. You can do it alone or in a group class.

Qigong is an ancient Chinese health-care system that integrates physical postures, breathing techniques, and focused attention. It is similar to tai chi. Both qigong and tai chi practices are available in group exercise classes. You can even watch YouTube videos to learn more about the practice. Tai chi and qigong are well suited for people over age 55 because they are low-impact physical activity programs. They also require less stressful stretching than yoga.

Block Out Past Thoughts

Don’t compare yourself now to when you were younger and could run a marathon. It is your ego that longs for past accomplishments. Tame your ego to block out past thoughts that are keeping you from living in the present. This was, perhaps, my most difficult challenge. At first, my ego would not accept my cancer diagnosis; I was still living in the past. Yet without acceptance, I could not move forward and effectively battle cancer. Blocking out past thoughts was a difficult but necessary condition for my success.

It’s OK to reminisce about your past with a cheerful disposition, but if past memories trigger negative emotions, push your ego off center stage and take control.

Don’t Worry about the Future

This is easier said than done, especially if you are battling a life-threatening disease like cancer. Again, tame your ego. If you are frightened by the future—about getting cancer, becoming immobile, losing your hearing, or not being able to eat a big, fat juicy steak—turn these negative emotions into positive emotions. You can do this by blocking out your thoughts about the future and choosing to live only in the present moment.

AN EXCEPTION TO MINDFULNESS

There are exceptions to living in the present. Terminal cancer patients (i.e., stage 4) who are going through trying times in their therapy are prime examples. Their present moment is a horrific one. They need to envision a better future or remember an enjoyable time from the past to feel slightly better. The present moment can be a torment.

When you are at a point of no return and death is near, you may find comfort and peace of mind by reflecting back into the past on parts of your life that were better than what you are experiencing at the present moment.

Final Thoughts

If there was ever a time to live in the present and be free from worries about the past or the future, it is when we are growing old. Living in the present helps us deal with the inconveniences of aging, like life-threatening disease and other severe health conditions, as well as declining physical appearance, bodily functions, and mental health. Achieving mindfulness is certainly one of the keys to practicing positive aging.