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A point that closely dovetails with talking too much is giving children too many choices. This also tilts the balance of power and can overwhelm a child. Parents are now looking to kids to make decisions and, in doing so, reverse the power structure that is intrinsic to the family unit.

“With the exception of the imperial offspring of the Ming dynasty ... contemporary American kids may represent the most indulged young people in the history of the world. ... They’ve also been granted unprecedented authority.”

—Elizabeth Kolbert, “Spoiled Rotten,” The New Yorker

It is burdensome and stressful for a child to have to make too many daily choices. I watched in shock as a mum asked her five-year-old daughter about the mother’s future employment opportunities. “Do you think that Mummy should take the new job at the bank or keep my old job?”

Overload alert! Kids don’t have the brain capacity for those big decisions. Kids’ frontal lobes, where critical thinking resides, are still in the very early stages of development. The frontal lobe will not be fully formed until they are well into their twenties. Hence our tiny progeny do not have the neurological capacity to make decisions for us. The girl looked at her mum and said, “Beats me.” Well put.

Empowering kids to make choices has to be age appropriate. “Do you want chicken or pasta?” is fine for a five-year-old girl. But asking her to weigh in on the bank job is absurd.