Читать книгу Hate Me Now, Thank Me Later: How to raise your kid with love and limits - Dr. Berman Robin - Страница 9

The most shocking thing in parenting today is watching children hit their parents. Unfortunately, it is not that uncommon. But it is outrageous and unacceptable.

It was equally outrageous for parents of generations past to hit their kids. Parents should never use physical punishment, and there are no exceptions to this rule. You are teaching a child, by bad example, that physical violence is a way to solve problems. You are modeling out-of-control behavior yourself.

Let’s check out the message: My kid is acting up, so I am going to slug him and teach him that when he is feeling upset, just go punch someone!” This is what they know, this is what you have taught them. Yes, you may get immediate obedience in the short run, but you also may get a litany of long-term damage. Research shows that kids who are hit become less likely to comply, more likely to be physically aggressive, and increasingly vulnerable to substance abuse and mental health issues. “I was hit and I turned out fine” is a common, but lousy, rationalization. Memories of being hit plague lots of adults. Just because kids have been hit for centuries does not make it right or a valid teaching tool.

Nor is it right, in today’s inverted power structure, for kids to hit their parents.

Today’s crazy message is: “You’re upset, go ahead and give me a good slap across the face.” You are literally and figuratively giving your child the upper hand—a hand that we now know no one should raise.

At the park, a mum was chatting with some other mums, and told her four-year-old daughter that they needed to leave in five minutes. The girl pitched a fit and whined to stay longer. After the mum said they couldn’t, the girl slapped her across the face. The embarrassed mum laughed nervously and continued talking to the other mums.

The mum squad looked on, shocked and horrified. They should have been. When kids think it is OK to slug Mum or Dad, all respect is lost.

A classroom needs a teacher, a ship needs a captain, and your child needs a parent. Your job is not to please your child, your job is to parent your child. Your job is to set limits and boundaries to keep your kids safe.