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Table of Contents

Chapter 1 At Home & In Your Living Quarters

1.1 Getting an apartment

1.2 Making German friends

1.3 The dos and don’ts if you want to make German friends

1.4 Going to the supermarket

1.5 DIY Saturdays & Church Sundays

1.6 Thrifty Germans

1.7 Pfand: Do not bottle it

1.8 The insurance obsession

1.9 The walk of shame

1.10 Going to the Baumarkt

1.11 Going to the government offices

1.12 A little note about the Anglo Saxons:

1.13 Dos and Don’ts:

1.14 Driving a car in Germany

1.15 Phoning customer service (and why it’s not such a good idea)

1.16 The customer is not king: Just accept it!

Chapter 2 The Workplace

2.1 It’s your first day at work: Bring a cake!

2.2 Icebreakers

2.3 Denglish

2.4 Rules rule the rules

2.5 Nobody told me

2.6 Didn’t you get the memo?

2.7 The CC syndrome

2.8 Results vs. Process

2.9 Employment laws

2.10 Döner Fachkraft Ausbildung

2.11 Job titles

2.12 German CVs

2.13 Your first written warning: The Abmahnung

2.14 Unemployment benefits

2.15 “I’m going to the doctor”

Chapter 3 German Language and Culture

3.1 English vs. German: The polar opposites

3.2 Learning German as a foreigner

3.3 The language

3.4 False friends

3.5 Du or Sie? Addressing people properly

3.6 A quick guide to addressing people in Germany

3.7 The ‘weil’ obsession

3.8 The tone

3.9 The ‘nein’ word

3.10 Apology accepted

3.11 Correcting people & Just criticism

3.12 Terminology Don’t get it wrong

3.13 Words that only exist in German

3.14 Fancy a tongue twister?

Chapter 4 Food & Leisure

4.1 Ein Currywurst mit Pommes, bitte!

4.2 Franzbrötchen

4.3 Weird foods: The Spezi

4.4 Spargelzeit

4.5 At the restaurant

4.6 The Flohmarkt

4.7 At the bakery

4.8 On holiday

4.9 Allotments

4.10 Recreation

4.11 German TV: Tatort

4.12 The German sauna

Chapter 5 Arts, Culture, History & Religion: In a nutshell

5.1 Don’t mention the war

5.2 Humour & Funny Germans

5.3 Popular music

5.4 Schlager Schlager

5.5 Musicals

5.6 Theatre & Obsession with nudity

5.7 Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956)

5.8 German literature

5.9 Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

5.10 Friedrich Schiller (1759-1805)

5.11 Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)

5.12 Franz Kafka (1883-1924)

5.13 Max Rudolf Frisch (1911-1991)

5.14 Hermann Karl Hesse (1877-1962)

5.15 German philosophers

5.16 Kant & Nietzsche

5.17 Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)

5.18 Martin Luther (14831546)

5.19 Religion

5.20 German history: A really short version

5.21 The fifty years of vacation

5.22 The Unification of 1989

5.23 The German political system

Chapter 6 Dating, Relationships & Family

6.1 State your intentions

6.2 Men sit down while they pee

6.3 No machomen here

6.4 Kinky Germans

6.5 Dating tips

6.6 Interviews

6.7 Getting Married in Germany

6.8 Having children: The German way

6.9 Adolescence, upbringing & the German school system

6.10 “Das darf man nicht”

6.11 Thou Shalt Report!

6.12 Dogs & Germans

Chapter 7 Why Germany

7.1 German Media — DER SPIEGEL

7.2 Reasonable, practical & a bit boring

7.3 The Big Survey

7.4 Hofstede insights

Chapter 8 Conclusion: The Adaptation Cycle

8.1 How German are you? The ultimate test

Ze Germans

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