Читать книгу Trans Teen Survival Guide - Fox Fisher - Страница 13

One parent once described their experience of their child coming out in a very heartwarming way. They lived quite far apart, so the trans person (who was a trans woman) came out to her mum over the phone. After their conversation, the mum decided that she needed to visit her child, so she booked a flight immediately and travelled to meet her. Throughout the journey she felt a sense of grief. She felt as if she had lost her son. As she met with her child in the arrival hall of the airport, she suddenly realised that she had not lost a son at all – she had gained the daughter who was there all along. Her child was finally who she really was and she was delighted and excited to get to know her child as their true authentic self.

Below are some quotes and advice we gathered from trans teenagers about coming out.

Silas, 17-year-old non binary person

I first came out to my friend who is LGBTQIA+ herself so she understood completely. Then I told my therapist. She was really supportive and listened to my hopes and fears about realising that I am trans. I reluctantly came out to my parents after their incessant questioning forced me to. My dad understands the whole dysphoria part of it as he is a psychiatrist. My mom not so much. She is very angry and feels somewhat betrayed by the whole matter. It is okay to be unsure. It is your identity and no one else’s. All that matters is you are happy, you are not hurting anyone by being yourself. You are queer enough and you are trans enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are enough and you are loved. Never forget that.

Lauren, 12-year-old trans girl

At first I was really worried that nobody would accept me and I’d be forced to live as a boy. I came out to my mum over text and she was great about it and we agreed to tell my counsellor at school.

Noah Kendalr, 22-year-old trans guy

I first came out to my twin sister, when I was 15. She was my first support and accepted me for who I was. I certainly feel I wouldn’t [have] made [it] this far without her. Coming out is a terrifying process at first. I was so scared about rejection, but that didn’t happen at all, regarding family or friends. I’m certainly aware of how lucky I’ve been to get the support system I needed to continue my life the way I want! When you are 15 years old, it’s hard to take the courage to stand up for yourself, but it’s worth the fight in my experience. Now that I’m 22 I’m more proud of myself than I’ve ever been. I still struggle sometimes but it’s part of life, and life’s definitely worth living the way you feel inside.

Alex, 20-year-old trans guy

Being trans is hard. There are always people arguing that we don’t exist or we are crazy, and the internet is full of trolls. But just try and remember they’re not right and you’re not alone. The trans community is beautiful, diverse and loving. Some people have a lack of understanding and education but you know who you are, and you are beautiful. Times are hard but being true to yourself is the most precious gift you can give the world.

Jamie, 20-year-old non binary person

It’s important to have integrity and honest[y] during your life as someone who falls under the trans umbrella. Take your time, allow yourself to feel things that you’ve not felt and be in the knowledge that this is okay. Be patient with yourself and don’t become the ugly duckling amongst groups of people. Whether it be in person or online through social media, try and find your tribe.

Hastur, 17-year-old trans woman

The important thing is to have support. With my guidance counsellor at school being supportive, and my mum being so supportive, and my real friends being supportive, nothing could stop me being me. Occasionally I doubt whether the transitioning is the right path for me, and it can make me really emotional, but I’ve discovered that if I think about all the positives that have happened since I started, I feel happy with myself.2

Nate, 17-year-old trans man

Actually be your authentic self. When I came out I felt really pressured to be more masculine than I was to be a valid man. And then I felt really pressured to be more feminine to feel included in the community and like not be a Big Bad Man. And I totally lost who I actually was, all [the] while proclaiming I was on the journey to being my authentic self. Now I’m finally actually on that journey, but I’m more dysphoric than ever and it’s 100x more difficult. You don’t need to justify who you are. And you don’t need to change it. And you don’t need to fit any mould.

Kate Rose, 20-year-old non binary person

You have to be happy with yourself. If you can be happy, nothing else matters. Surround yourself with those who appreciate you for who you really are, and don’t hesitate to say goodbye to those who don’t. Even if the person is family, like my dad was to me, they don’t need to like or understand your path through life, but if they can respect it and like the fact that you’re happy, that’s what matters.

Darren, 20-year-old trans man

My advice to young teens is to find a good source to talk to – whether it be a family member, a friend, a teacher, or even a stranger online – who can know what you’re going through and be able to help you out. Or even just to use as a vent for your feelings. For me this initially came in the source of two close friends who were there for me from the start of me questioning. I know that some people aren’t going to be as lucky as others in regards to how everyone around them reacts, but there will at least be some people who can sympathise with you and help you through these tough years. The world is becoming a more and more open place about LGBTQIA+ issues, so keep your head up and know that even though there may be haters, the trans community is here for you!

Charlie, 18-year-old trans guy

Coming out changed my life. It was like [I] was finally able to see glimpses of a possible future. For the first time there was the potential for me to do something with my life and have something to live for. My parents didn’t see it the same way. They saw it as a fad that I’d been brainwashed into and accused my doctors of forcing me into treatment too quickly (at this point all I was getting was counselling). Not knowing how close they’d been to losing a child to suicide they told me that it felt like the child they loved had died. At my worst moments they made me believe that if I’d have killed myself I’d at least have given them closure. I fought through it and found a community who supported me at the times when my parents couldn’t. Despite a very rocky start our relationship is well on the mend. There will probably always be scars in it, but I’m proud of how far they’ve come.