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NEW NAME, NEW BEGINNING

Finding a new name and starting to use different pronouns are often some of the most important things that you can do as a trans person beginning your journey – they are a validation of your identity and who you are. These changes symbolise a new chapter in your life and put you on a new course – a course which you chose to take for yourself. It means that you are no longer living your life as your assigned gender or for other people. You have taken the step to live according to your own truth, as your authentic self.

If that sounds a bit too dramatic for you, know that it’s also an exciting time for you! You get to choose from literally every name out there. You don’t have to consult anyone at all and you can choose the most cool, hardcore name ever. Or you could go with something casual and laid-back. The power is yours! A lot of people don’t have this incentive, so we view it as one of the perks trans people have. Even though pretty much anyone can in theory have their name changed, it can never really compare to a trans person changing their name and starting to use it. There is something so liberating about it, as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And whenever someone actually says it, you get this fuzzy feeling. ‘Is that the sound of someone validating me as who I really am?’ It sure is!

Back to the matter in hand – the possibilities are almost endless! There are many ways to approach it. Some people think of names that might mean something special to them, such as nicknames they had, a name they used for a character or as an artist name or something they’ve already used in some capacity. Others search for similar names that are close to their old one or have some sort of a connection to it. Some people go for something completely different and new because they can’t bear to be reminded of their old name and want to start off fresh.

PERSONAL STORIES

Lewis, 28-year-old trans man

When I was choosing my name at the age of 17, I played with the idea of many different names that were completely different to my birth name. But then I realised I didn’t really have a problem with my birth name, it just outed me as female. So I came to the conclusion it would be better to just adjust it slightly to the male version of that name – from ‘Lois’ to ‘Lewis’. I kept my middle name, which is ‘Joy’, because my mum chose it for me, and to be honest I see it as an emotion rather than a feminine name.

It’s often good to start with what names call out to you and what names are out there. Looking through naming books, Google searches and writing a few ones down is always a good plan. Consult with your friends, ask them what they think and even consult your parents if you’re so inclined. Some parents would be so delighted to be a part of the process and it often makes them feel more connected to you and your journey. It’s a good way to strengthen some bonds, especially if your parents are grieving. But you are of course under no obligation to include anyone in this process. It’s about you and what you want to do, and it’s about what you want to be called. That’s pretty important stuff.

Even if you start using a certain name and then don’t feel like it fits, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and find something that really does. A lot of trans people go through a few names before they settle on one. There’s nothing written in stone, and it’s not a big deal to test a name out and try to find what really suits you.

Owl/Ugla, co-author and non binary person

I’m from Iceland, where it’s quite common that names are also names for animals or have another meaning, such as bird names. My parents made a decision to give us all first names that were birds, and named my older brother Þröstur (Robin), me Valur (Falcon) and my youngest brother Örn (Eagle). So when it came down to finding a new name for myself at the age of 17, I wanted to honour the tradition and to choose another bird name that was more fitting. I looked for a suitable name with some friends, and as a joke Ugla (Owl) stuck to me. It’s a pretty unique and uncommon name in Iceland, so we found it a bit funny. But somehow I grew fond of this name and it ended up being the name I chose. It’s also a tradition in Iceland to give children second names that are related to your grandparents. My old middle name Stefán (after my grandfather) so with the help of my parents I decided to change Stefán to Stefanía (which also happens to be my mother’s second name).

PLEASE ASK ME MY PRONOUNS

Pronouns are equally as important as names. Pronouns are also an indication of how you want to be seen and they reflect your identity. So it’s important that you find a pronoun that fits you, whether that is sticking to the one you already have or starting to use a new one. The most common pronouns are the masculine and feminine ‘he/him/his’ and ‘she/her/hers’. There are a few gender neutral pronouns out there, but the most common one is the singular gender neutral pronoun ‘they/them/theirs’. People will often claim that it is only a plural pronoun and that using it for one person is grammatically incorrect. In fact, the singular pronoun ‘they’ has been used for centuries and is a fully recognised singular pronoun in the English language.

But more importantly, regardless of whether it’s in the dictionary, it’s a valid pronoun which many trans people use and that should really be the only justification anyone needs. Dictionaries are often a bit behind changes that occur in languages over time. Words become words when we start using them and they gain meaning. That’s literally how words are created and introduced into languages!

So finding a pronoun that fits you is important. Just remember that you can always try out different pronouns to see how they feel and that different pronouns can work for you at different times. It might often take the people around you some time to get used to this and they might mess up quite a lot, especially to start with. Most people who love and support you will make the effort to use the right pronouns though, and it’s important to find people who are willing to support you.

STARTING TO USE YOUR RIGHT NAME AND PRONOUN

Asking people to start using a different name and pronouns can often be difficult, whether it’s your family, friends, people at school or work colleagues. When it comes down to your school or work, there are certain laws that state trans people deserve to be respected in their gender. This might mean they help you inform other school staff or your colleagues that you’re changing your name and pronouns and make an effort to ensure your identity is respected. Some schools and workplaces have policies, programmes or counsellors already in place to support their trans students or employees. If they do, it is often a good indication that you will be supported.

If your school or workplace is not supporting your decision and makes things difficult for you, we encourage you to contact organisations such as Stonewall, Gendered Intelligence, Diversity Role Models, Mermaids or any other organisation fighting for trans rights (see Chapter 19 for details). They often have programmes that your school or workplace can join, to combat prejudice. They might be able to help you to raise awareness, get some advice and set up a support group, or they may step in where needed.

CHANGING YOUR NAME LEGALLY

Changing your name legally is supposed to be quite an easy process and is accessible for everyone. It involves a lot of official form-filling though, which can be quite daunting and time-consuming. There might be some costs included in the application, so be prepared for this possibility. If you have access to the internet, you can do this for free (see ‘Useful links’ at the end of this chapter).

The process is relatively simple and there aren’t many restrictions, aside from names that include numbers, or something really offensive or vulgar. Naming yourself ‘L4na’ wouldn’t fly, for example.

In England and Wales, anyone over 16 years of age can apply for their own name change through the UK Deed Poll Service without parental consent. If you are under 16, your parents or those with parental responsibility will have to apply for the change and agree on it, provided that everyone with parental responsibility agrees to the change. You can also change the title on the deed poll to all formally accepted titles, including Mr, Ms and Mx (a gender neutral title).

There are several ways to apply, which includes doing it online, over the telephone, sending an application by post or simply going to the UK Deed Poll Offices and applying in person. The website is quite self-explanatory and has all the information you will need to change your name (see ‘Useful links’ at the end of this chapter). So when you’re ready and if you wish, you can go through the process and have your name changed, given that you’ve reached the age of 16 or have full parental support for it. Scotland and Northern Ireland have a slightly different process, and all information can be found in the ‘useful links’ section at the end of the chapter.

Different countries all over the world have different regulations and access to name changes. There will most likely be other rules or even restrictions that apply elsewhere. For example, in certain countries it might be much harder to change your name as they have different regulations about name changes that are often tied up with cultural norms about names. We suggest you contact bigger LGBTQIA+ or trans organisations in order to find out how things work where you are.

CHANGING YOUR GENDER LEGALLY

Changing your gender on your ID, passport and driving licence is quite easy as well, even though it takes a lot of form-filling and there are some age restrictions.

Once you change your name, the easiest thing to change will be your bank details. So if you have a bank account, you just need to go in with the name change document and they will change your registered name on your bank account and issue new cards.

To change the gender (and name) on your passport in the UK (see ‘Useful links’ at the end of this chapter), you will need some sort of proof that you are indeed living as your authentic self. This can either be a Gender Recognition Certificate, which is acquired through an application process, or a signed letter from your doctor or medical consultant along with your new deed poll and evidence that you’re using your new name (payslip, letter from your local council or an official letter with your new name).

To change your driving licence, you must first obviously have one! If you are getting a driving licence for the first time and you’ve already changed your name and started living as yourself, you can get your driving licence issued according to your gender and name. If you already have a driving licence and want to change it, you can do so by means of a simple application process which requires you to fill in a few forms and which does have some fees.

To have your gender fully recognised according to UK law, you must apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate. According to the government website, in order to get one you need to:

- be 18 years or over

- have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a medical professional

- have lived as your authentic self for at least two years and intend to do so for the rest of your life (bizarre wording, we know).

This will then be reviewed by a panel of people that you won’t ever have to meet – strange as that is. All further information can be found online (see ‘Useful links’ at the end of this chapter).

As mentioned above with name changes, different countries have different laws and regulations. Some countries might have a relatively easy process, whereas others might have more restrictions or even make it impossible for you to change your gender legally.

If you’re looking to change your gender legally, the best course of action is to contact LGBTQIA+ or trans organisations, which will most likely be able to give you all the information you need.

Fox Fisher

USEFUL LINKS

How to get a Gender Recognition Certificate: www.gov.uk/apply-gender-recognition-certificate

How to apply for a name change: www.deedpoll.org.uk

How to change your name for free: https://freedeedpoll.org.uk

How to change your name or personal details on your passport: www.gov.uk/changing-passport-information/gender