Читать книгу Raising Girls: Why girls are different – and how to help them grow up happy and confident - Gisela Preuschoff - Страница 16

When I think about what I wish for women who are growing up in this millennium, I think of qualities that have to do with original femininity, values that have largely been lost. How can they be dredged up, re-invigorated so that they find a voice again?

I wish for empathy, cooperation, helpfulness, a sense of community, creativity, and for the power of imagination, intuition, wisdom…

The editor of a well-known parents’ magazine recently told me that she’d love to be a mother – full-time. But she dares not say that aloud. She loves being at home and looking after her children, but when her girlfriends hear that, they think she’s reactionary. Must we women have a career? Do we have to become like men, act like men?

For me, femininity is connected to life-giving forces. I don’t mean that I believe all women must bear children. They can decide that for themselves! But I believe it’s important that they devote themselves to life: that they give fiery speeches to the United Nations General Assembly against war and for justice and peace; that they resist violence; that they join groups that aim to preserve Nature and not participate in the destruction of our environment. We should make our daughters familiar with Nature in all its forms and teach them to respect life – and to acknowledge women’s achievements in all areas.

Femininity, for me, means giving life, protecting it, going with it – and seeing it pass. It is about recognising that we are subject to a rhythm, being aware that death is a part of life, that time after time there must be a farewell and a new start. Let us show our daughters the moon. If we observe it closely, we’ll know a little of what it’s like to live on Earth.

This is my personal opinion, not the truth. Do what matches your nature and your convictions – but do it consciously, and in the knowledge that you are a role model. If you want your daughter to be a strong woman, she will need strong role models. Being strong means being in harmony with yourself, expressing yourself genuinely, asserting yourself, and being able to structure your own life. Being strong means bidding farewell to the victim’s role and taking on responsibility for yourself. Whoever does not seize her own strength is helpless. You claim your identity through your actions.

What we occupy ourselves with every day moulds us. Which possibilities do you wish to give your daughter?

The first role models for a girl are her mother and father. If you are careful, alert, communicative and present, you can’t do anything wrong.

In a nutshell

 Girls are different from boys, right from the start.

 Before we can think about how to raise our daughters, we have to know what we ourselves think about girls, women and femininity. Sometimes we also need to question that, and do some work to change our thought and behaviour patterns.

 Remember, other people will also have their own personal reactions to the news that you are soon to be – or already are – the parents of a baby girl. Be ready for some reactions you may not be comfortable with!

 Have a good look at the world today and take note of what women are now achieving and doing – all these things are possible for your daughter too.

 Newborn girls are different from newborn boys physically, and some of these differences become greater in the first few months of life: girls are likely to want to be touched more than boys; many can play independently and comfort themselves earlier than boys can; and they often crawl earlier than boys do.

Boy? Girl? Human!

When my wife was pregnant for the first time, we decided we didn’t want to know the sex of our child ahead of the birth. We wanted the full-on experience of pregnancy – no tricks of technology, no advance warnings of whether our lives were about to turn a distinct shade of blue or pink. As the weeks passed, we had lots of fun speculating on the boy/girl question – how I would have a willing and long-term football-kicking partner if it were a boy, and how I would protect her innocence against all would-be suitors if it were a girl. The funniest part of all this is that when the wee one actually popped out of my wife’s body, both wife and I were in a state of such transcendental awe that it took us a full minute (okay, maybe a little bit less) to get around to checking what baby’s sex was. In those irreplaceable first few moments of life, we didn’t care a jot about anything other than that our baby was there, out, with us at last. It was a girl.

When my wife got pregnant again, we decided to find out at the amniocentesis test and scan what the foetus’ sex was. We wanted to do it differently this time, in order to have the complete experience – that is, once not knowing, once knowing. It was another girl.

We stopped at two, not wanting to push the envelope too far! In hindsight, that process of guessing during the first pregnancy was very special: it was the only time in my life that I might have been about to have a son. Now I have two daughters, and of course I can’t imagine it being any other way. But the dreaming was good…

Leo