Читать книгу It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy - Greg Behrendt - Страница 33

The best worst news is that he doesn’t want you to call, so that should make it easier to harness the compulsion to do so. Cold turkey sucks, but it’s the fastest route to recovery. That goes for every addiction known to man, from gambling to Cadbury Crème Eggs and everything in between—including obsessive calling, e-mailing, and IMing with your ex.

But why can’t I call him? you ask. Why can’t I just reach out and talk to him if it will make me feel a little better? After all, he does have that sweater of mine I never liked, and I really should call him to get it back. These are the questions that will be running through your mind, and the answer is—we’ll say it again—because he doesn’t want to talk to you. Even if you think that he does, you’re probably wrong. If he wanted to talk to you, to check on you, to reconcile with you, he would. If he had the courage to break it off, he also has the ability to use the phone and dial your number, which is already committed to memory. All the broken fingers in the world won’t keep someone who’s truly determined from calling, so any excuse you can think of is just that, an excuse. And quite frankly, even if you don’t want to hear it, the fact that he doesn’t want to talk to you is actually a GOOD THING! It’s just the kind of slap in the face that should make getting past this stage of the breakup easier.

Even more to the point is that NOT CALLING him eventually sends the bigger message. It speaks volumes and says, “Despite the heartache and loss, the reason you are not hearing from me is that I am too busy taking care of myself and moving on with my fabulous new life.” Isn’t that the image you want to project and—more important—the person who you want to be? A person who is not hung up in the past but is instead moving forward? (Even if at the moment you’re really just lying in your bed all day listening to sad songs in your pajamas.)

During these times, remember that the phone is your enemy—especially if you’ve been drinking. Leave your cell phone at home when you go out on a bender, and make sure your drinking companions know that you are to be kept away from phones at all times. There’s nothing worse than blowing all your hard work and successful self-preservation on a drunk-dialing impulse. What better way to show someone they should still be with you than by calling them at your worst? More important, notice how you feel after you talk to him—and then ask yourself if that’s really what you want.