Читать книгу It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy - Greg Behrendt - Страница 34

She made it pretty easy for me not to indulge in unbecoming and pathetic behavior because she moved to another state to be with DUDE. So, as painful as that was, at least she had the courtesy to do it in another zip code. It meant I didn’t run the risk of bumping into her at parties and acting out a scene from the popular play How the F*#k Could You Do This to Me I’m Dying on the Inside. There was no house for me to drive by or workplace I could stalk. All I had to do was not call her. I was okay during the day. But as soon as darkness fell, my new bestest buddy Tequila and I would find ourselves at a bar, or a party, or just drunk wandering around my kitchen having a chat, but soon we would have information. Here’s the thing about Tequila: It gives you information. Information you didn’t have prior to drinking it. Information that needs to get to the person who just smashed your heart. It is information that CANNOT wait ‘til morning no matter what the hour. Tequila also has transformative qualities. It can turn the everyday ordinary telephone into a giant mistake-making machine that screams out to you, “Use me!” The phone calls were always the same. I’d just be calling to “check in.” At 2:30 in the morning. Then I’d ask how she was doing. “Good, good. New York’s kinda cold, but good.” And then it would all go to hell with some version of “Why don’t you love me?” or “Do you think we’ll ever get back together?” Or the old chestnut “What’s wrong with me?” Basically, questions that had already been answered, that couldn’t be answered, or were self-evident. To be fair to her, she was incredibly gracious to me as I rambled on like a drunken Morrissey song for sometimes up to two hours. I would have not been so gracious had the shoe been on the other foot. Even writing this now I want to hang up on me. I want to hang up on you. I want to hang up every phone everywhere. It makes my stomach hurt to think of how low I was and how I plagued this person for not being in love with me. And I am embarrassed that no matter how great I feel in my best moments, there is one person in the world who can say, “Well, this one time…”