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At the heart of most manipulation is covert‐aggression (i.e. aggression “under cover”). Now, you'll notice I did not say “passive‐aggression,” and there's a very big reason for that. The kind of aggression that underlies most manipulation is anything but passive. Human aggression can be expressed in a number of different ways (i.e. directly vs. indirectly, overtly vs. covertly, reactively vs. predatorily, etc.), principle among them actively or passively. And by “aggression,” I don't mean violence. Rather, I mean the forceful energy we all expend in pursuit of a goal. Aggression is different from assertiveness because when someone is aggressive they don't take deliberate care to place limits on their aggressive quests out of respect for the legitimate rights, needs, and boundaries of others.

Not only is covert‐aggression the major vehicle for manipulating others but also most folks who manipulate as a lifestyle can be conceptualized as covertly aggressive personalities. They're part of a group that I and others (c.f., for example, Millon, Personality Disorders in Modern Life) prefer to label the “aggressive personalities” (all of whom can be viewed as aggressive variants of the narcissistic personality). And in Character Disturbance, I outline five major subtypes of this group: the unbridled aggressive (those who habitually break the major rules, are often in trouble with the law, and whom we've traditionally labeled antisocial personalities), the channeled‐aggressive (ruthless individuals who for purely practical reasons keep their behavior within the confines of the law unless they're confident they can get away with breaking it), the sadistic aggressive (whose primary objective is not merely to “win,” control, or dominate, as is the case with the other aggressive personalities, but rather, to inflict pain and relish both in that pain and the power they exerted over the victim), the covert‐aggressive (manipulative) personality, and the predatory aggressive (the severely empathy‐devoid, without conscience, malignantly narcissistic individuals who view all “lessor” creatures as their rightful prey), whom we have variously labeled as psychopathic or sociopathic in the past, and many of whom also show features common to the other subtypes (especially the sadistic and manipulative features).

As mentioned earlier, there are many ways to aggress. One can aggress by not doing (i.e. passively) or by doing something actively to injure, exploit, hoodwink, or control another. And one particularly effective way to aggress is to do it so subtly, or to disguise your behavior in such a manner that your intended target can't readily detect the victimization you have planned for them. That, in a nutshell is what covert‐aggression is all about, and it's at the heart of most manipulative behavior. Hopefully, you will not join the already swelled ranks of folks (professionals being among the worst offenders) who mistakenly use the term passive‐aggressive to describe covertly aggressive behavior. Covert‐aggression is decidedly active, albeit veiled, aggression.

Covert‐aggressors rely on certain behaviors I call power tactics to manipulate and control. Some of the common ones were mentioned earlier and some others will be mentioned a bit later. These tactics are effective because they put you on the defensive while simultaneously cloaking the aggressive nature of and intent behind the behaviors. At the very moment when a person is employing these behaviors, they're attempting to get the better of you, look good while doing it, and stiffening their resolve not to do as they know society wants them to do all at the same time. This is really important to remember, because many of the behaviors I'm talking about have been traditionally conceptualized as defense mechanisms. But when you have a strong gut feeling that someone is doing you wrong, and then when you confront them they offer an excuse for it, rather than assume that they're “rationalizing” (unconsciously as a way to assuage feelings of guilt), you might want to consider that they simply don't want you to keep your guard up, to recognize what kind of person they really are and what they're really trying to do, and, ultimately, making a statement that they believe they have a perfect right to keep doing the very thing they've done even though they know that you and many others would regard it as wrong. And if you buy the excuse and back off or back down, it's game, set, and match. That's how manipulation works.

Some of you are embarking on careers that don't necessarily involve working directly with patients. Perhaps you're planning on working in academia or some other nonclinical setting. But you're still likely to encounter all the different types of aggression I outlined earlier on at least some occasions. Our professional working environments are by nature highly competitive and relatively insecure, so they frequently condone, enable, and even promote aggressive behavior of all types. By far the most common form of aggression you're likely to encounter is covert‐aggression (i.e. manipulation).