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The one thing that disturbed characters know about sensitive, conscientious, “neurotic” people is that they can't stand to see anyone in pain or a position of disadvantage. And the very best way to play on someone's sympathy, and thus manipulate them into doing something they might not otherwise do, is to successfully cast yourself as a victim of some unfortunate circumstance or someone else's behavior. This is an especially good trump card for manipulators to play when someone's on to their games and strongly suspects them as the victimizer. Claiming victim status is a way to turn the tables and take the heat off. This tactic is often coupled with the tactic of feigning innocence, and it's effective because most of us hate to think we're not only falsely accusing but also adding unnecessarily to an already wounded party's pain.

In my books In Sheep's Clothing and Character Disturbance, I outline many of the more common tactics that disturbed characters use to manipulate and control others. It's a good idea to become familiar with as many of these tactics as you can so you can spot them quickly. But it's also important to heighten your awareness about what makes all the disturbed and disordered characters tick because, frankly, there's virtually no limit to the kinds of behaviors they can use as tactics. So your greatest security is in knowing what such people are really like. Fortunately, most of these folks are relatively easy to understand.

In the real estate business. there's an adage that only three things really matter: location, location, and location. For the kinds of characters we've been talking about, no matter what the situation, only three things really matter to them: position, position, and position! As unfathomable to most folks as this seems, it's the most crucial thing for you to keep it in mind. Whether you're dealing with a manipulative or otherwise character‐impaired client, co‐worker, supervisor, or colleague, just remember that their life script is all about gaining advantage, so you always need to be proactive in keeping the field of play (i.e. the nature of the interpersonal interaction) as level as possible. You can expect them to seek the upper hand. But you can't trust them with any position of advantage and you certainly can't allow them to set the rules of engagement. You have to do that, and both proactively and early on in any encounter. That's your best protection.

Scott Peck (1983) called many of these folks “people of the lie” and claimed that because they fear being exposed more than anything else, calling them on their game is enough to arrest matters. But I have found this to be both untrue and really bad advice. Remember, folks who always have to be in the dominant position can be particularly vindictive when they think you've called them on their game, gained the upper hand, or especially if they feel you've defeated them. And when “outed,” covert‐fighters can become more openly, fiercely, and unscrupulously aggressive. That's why it's so important for you to set the terms of engagement and to do so early on in your encounters with character‐impaired people.