Читать книгу Making Amends - Группа авторов - Страница 9

August 2015

When I was an active alcoholic, I caused physical, mental and spiritual damage to people. And as my drinking became more destructive, I isolated and alienated myself from others even more than usual, in an attempt to drink and drug without interruption or negative criticism. I’d then be overwhelmed with fear, shame, guilt and remorse. My self-loathing would spill over into all my relationships—the few that still remained, that is.

The Eighth Step gave me the toolbox I needed to explore these relationships more deeply. It enabled me to pinpoint those individuals whom I had harmed. And even if I was not actually ready to make direct amends to certain people, I was able to begin by writing out an amends list and praying for the willingness.

As I worked through my list, the essential question for me, as it says in the “Twelve and Twelve,” was: “Whom have I harmed and in what ways?” I was tempted to recall and list the ways these people had hurt me. In all honesty, there was perhaps harm on both sides. But I needed to focus on the harm I had produced. The Eighth Step does not depend on the character defects and shortcomings of others. I had to admit and acknowledge my own character defects and shortcomings. I needed to focus on “sweeping my side of the street.”

When feelings of defensiveness began to emerge, I remembered that these individuals needed my forgiveness just as much as I needed theirs. But whether they recognized that need was not the issue. If I were to be serious about mending broken relationships, and I certainly was, I needed to let go of my resentments and, simultaneously, to forgive others. The following questions were helpful to me as I worked on my Eighth Step:

1 How was I bad-tempered because of my drinking?

2 Did I avoid friends and family as a result of my obsession?

3 What damage did I produce by letting my self-will run riot? These helped me gain valuable insights and discover other people to add to my list.

As I continued on my Eighth Step journey, it became apparent that I did much damage to myself as well. And it dawned on me that the most effective amends that I could make to myself was to stay sober and practice the Steps to the best of my ability. And if I keep not drinking just for today, I won’t drink for the rest of my life.

In early sobriety, I would never have contemplated making the first move toward making an amend. But now I’m attempting to discern and apply the will of God in my life. I now take responsibility for my sobriety and for my relationships. Taking such a risk has become a possibility thanks to the Steps and my support network in the rooms of AA. The Eighth Step has given me the ability to maintain and develop a deep intimacy and involvement with significant others in my life. It also gives me emotional and spiritual balance.

Gary T.

Poughkeepsie, New York