Читать книгу The Savvy Ally - Jeannie Gainsburg - Страница 28

Our society’s limited expectations of and assumptions about who people are and who they should be gives LGBTQ+ people two choices that they must constantly make as they go about their daily business: They must either come out or live a lie. Please bear with me while I repeat that; I don’t want anyone to miss it: Our society forces LGBTQ+ people to constantly either come out or lie. Most LGBTQ+ people do not come out to shock people or because they want to be “in your face” with their sexuality. They come out because we as a society have a limited and narrow view of who people are and who they should be, and LGBTQ+ people do not fit those expectations. This is not because there is a problem with LGBTQ+ people. This is because there is a problem with our society.

What does it look like when you don’t fit into society’s expected identity boxes? How do you come to terms with that and lead a healthy and happy life? It’s a process. Having a basic understanding of that process is essential for allies. It helps us understand why sometimes anger is directed toward straight, cisgender people for no apparent reason at all; why having positive LGBTQ+ role models is so critical; why an LGBTQ+ person might tell hurtful gay jokes; and why being supportive and kind when someone comes out to you is so very important.

In order to understand the process, we are going to look at a developmental model of coming out. There are many models out there in the world, but one of the first, developed in 1979 by therapist Vivienne Cass,¹ is the model that most of the others have sprung from.

As is true with all developmental models, it will ring true for some people and it will not for others, so please understand that I am not claiming that all LGBTQ+ individuals feel this model resonates with them. It doesn’t. However, my experience has been that this model resonates with a heck of a lot of LGBTQ+ people and that it’s a very useful tool for understanding.

Here is my personal synopsis of the six stages of coming out as LGBTQ+, adapted from Cass’s model, followed by an example of how a person might behave in each of the stages.