Читать книгу The Savvy Ally - Jeannie Gainsburg - Страница 40

This developmental model was originally based on cisgender gay men and cis-gender lesbian women. However, it resonates with lots of other folks both within the LGBTQ+ communities and outside of the LGBTQ+ communities.

My friend Todd is Deaf. His parents, wanting only what they felt was best for him, insisted that he learn to read lips and speak so that he could fit into the hearing world. He lived in a rural town, so he didn’t know there was a Deaf community and, as a child, was never exposed to sign language. When he moved to Upstate New York, he found others like himself. He shared with me that he went through every one of the Cass model stages as a Deaf man. When he hit that pride stage he said that it felt so amazing to be with other people like himself, to find community and understanding, and to embrace American Sign Language (ASL) as his language. Hearing friends and coworkers, who did not understand this fantastic feeling of connection and community, felt that he had gotten a bit “aggressive” with the whole Deaf thing and that he needed to tone it down a bit. Todd was “flaunting” his Deafness. Sound familiar?

Even family members and friends of LGBTQ+ people find that this model rings true for them. My friend Wanda, a cisgender lesbian, grew up in Puerto Rico. When she was eighteen her mother woke her up at 5:00 one morning, handed her a plane ticket, and sent her to a mental health institution in New York to be “fixed.” She didn’t even get a chance to say good-bye to her siblings. After this incident, Wanda’s mom went through a journey that involved lots of time, new information, and, finally, interactions with her daughter, who was clearly so much happier and healthier as an out lesbian. Wanda’s mom moved slowly from the stages of confusion, comparison, and tolerance into the stage of acceptance of her daughter’s identity. Several years later, Mom was in her pride stage, marching alongside her daughter in our local Pride parade! I believe she has toned it down a bit recently and is less likely to “flaunt” her pride for her daughter, but she still loves a good drag show. The first response from someone to whom a friend or family member has just come out is likely to be different from how they feel years, months, or possibly even days later. Friends and family members may need to go through their own coming-out process as supporters and allies.