Читать книгу and I Believe - Jodie Richard-Bohman - Страница 18

“Kate, I’m sorry for coming here, but you keep avoiding me and I don’t know what else to do.”

My mind was still preoccupied by the text Megan sent yesterday, and I didn’t even notice a nervous Aaron standing beside my car in the school’s parking lot.

“Just give me five minutes,” he pleaded.

“Okay,” I finally agreed.

His car was parked beside mine and he opened the passenger door for me. As I dropped into his passenger seat, the familiar scent and old memories came rushing back. Wasn’t it just yesterday when our girls’ voices and laughter filled the car? When we rode together in this car as a family. But now, as we sat side by side, he seemed more like a stranger to me instead of a man I had been with for the last eighteen years.

“Kate, please say something. I can’t take this anymore,” he said in a weak voice.

“Aaron, what do you want me to say?” I finally asked, looking him straight in the eyes. “I am still in shock over this whole thing, and do you blame me? I find out that after eighteen years of being together, you’re in love with another woman, and you don’t want to be with me anymore. You tell me how sorry you are and how you made the biggest mistake of your life by almost sleeping with her, yet you never once asked me for my forgiveness or suggested we try to save our marriage. Instead, you throw at me, out of the blue, how you can’t live like this anymore and you want a divorce. I thought we were best friends, but best friends don’t do that to one another. They don’t walk away from a wonderful wife and family just because of sex. But do you want to know what hurts more than anything? The fact that while I have been grieving over the loss of our marriage, she has been to our house, my home!” I said, my voice rising.

My heart was beating a mile a minute. Everything from the last month, and then her being at our house this morning, filled me with so much jealousy and anger that I had never felt before in my life.

“Maybe the reason I haven’t wanted to talk about us is because there is no more us. You obviously want out and I’m not going to stand in your way anymore. You can start the divorce procedures as soon as you want,” I said, then hurriedly got out of his car and into mine.

I had no sooner pulled away, when my cell phone began to ring. It was Aaron, and I didn’t answer it. A couple seconds later, it beeped letting me know I had a message. Finally, against my better judgment, I listened to it.

Kate—I know you will never believe me, but I do and always will love you more than anything in this world. I know I have hurt you beyond belief, but you have hurt me too. How do you think it feels to be in love with someone who isn’t in love with you? You know as well as I do that you fell out of love with me a long time ago, but you decided to just live with it because that was easier than doing something about it. You said that I never asked you what you wanted to do, but the truth is you never once asked me what I wanted. Instead, YOU decided we were going to live in YOUR glass house without ever giving MY feelings a thought, which is the way it has been our entire relationship. What I did is something I will regret for the rest of my life, but for the record, if I’d thought for just a second that you still loved me the way you used to, none of this would ever have happened. So yes, I am the one walking away, but I am only doing something I know has been in the back of your mind for years.

There was a click and the message ended.

Stunned, I felt as if I could cry. After everything I just said to him, I seriously thought he would call me crying and begging for my forgiveness, but instead he is still continuing to blame me for everything.

Later, after the girls had gone to Aaron’s for a few hours, I was still a mess. I was so angry at Aaron for doing this to us that I just wanted to scream. I grabbed my shoes and sweatshirt and went outside.

It was cold and slushy out, normal for March in Ohio, but I didn’t care as I threw the basketball at the hoop. I needed to do something to release all these crazy emotions inside me. I was so deep in thought, that I didn’t notice my dad coming up behind me.

“Kate, is everything okay? Do you want to talk?” he asked.

“Thanks, Dad, but I just want to be alone right now.”

I could tell my words hurt his feelings, but he still came up to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

“Kate, everything can heal,” he paused, “as long as a person lets it.”

He then gave me a kiss on my forehead, turned and walked back towards the house.

I watched him until he disappeared inside. Part of me was mad at him for saying that, but the other part of me knew there might be some truth to it. Either way, I wasn’t ready to go there yet.

The bitter cold wind snapped at my tear-streaked face. I dropped my head and went back upstairs. I took off my wet shoes at the door and went to hang up my sweatshirt in the closet. The small plastic storage box on the top shelf caught my eye. Reaching up, I pulled it down to me.

There wasn’t a sound in the apartment as I sat down on the living room floor. By now, I didn’t feel as angry as I did before, just sad and lonely. I opened the box and began pulling out eighteen years worth of memories with Aaron.

A small smile came to my face as I looked at a picture of Aaron and me when I met his family for the first time. We were at Gene and Dorothy’s house sitting underneath the gazebo, looking so young and innocent. The next picture was of us at his senior prom. Looking very handsome in his black tuxedo, he had his arm around my waist in a tight embrace. I couldn’t help but notice how crazy in love we were. I then noticed our wedding video. Slipping it into the VCR, I drifted back into time, as I watched my dad walk me down the aisle to Aaron, who looked like he was the happiest man in the world. We were so in love back then and there was never a thought that we wouldn’t be together forever for the rest of our lives.

“But now,” I said as I slid my anniversary band off of my left ring finger. “Forever has ended.”

I couldn’t help but to think that being dead would be better than being alive.