Читать книгу The Mills & Boon Sparkling Christmas Collection - Kate Hardy - Страница 40

CHAPTER NINE

TILLY STAMPED THE snow from her boots as she opened the back door of the manor house, grateful to be out of the cold wind. Xavier hadn’t spoken since they’d turned back from the gates, but his presence next to her had been dark and brooding. He hadn’t denied last night had been a mistake, or that it would never have happened if his plans hadn’t been changed.

It went against everything she believed in, but she still wanted him, still hungered to explore the passion that simmered, waiting for a touch or a kiss to spark it back into life. She’d given away a piece of her heart—exactly what she’d never wanted to do.

‘I have work to do this afternoon.’ His heavy accent gave away the fact that he was not as in control as he wanted her to think. She’d learnt that much about him. ‘I also need to find out when the power is likely to come back and if there is any way we can get out of here today.’

He definitely didn’t want to be with her any longer. Last night had been enough. She’d started to tell him she wanted him, that she believed they were meant to be here, but his frozen expression told her he didn’t share that view.

‘Do you think that’s possible?’ She couldn’t stay here. How could she ever have thought a fling with Xavier would help her?

He shrugged out of his coat, hung it up and looked down at her. ‘Maybe not today, tomorrow perhaps.’

The sooner they returned to reality the better. ‘I hope you are right.’ She didn’t want to be around when he tired of her, but maybe he already had.

His eyes searched hers, and for a moment she thought he might kiss her and her lips parted as her heart rate accelerated wildly. She wanted his lips on hers, wanted to be in his arms, but she couldn’t be the one to start it.

‘I’ll make something for lunch,’ she said briskly restraining her wayward desires. Her arm brushed against his as she passed him, sending a hot spark of shock through her. She had to get away from him. Maybe then she could rationalise what was happening between them. Label it and shut it away, never to be explored again. It had happened and evidently he wished it hadn’t.

With this thought in mind Tilly made herself scarce all afternoon, spending time wandering around the rest of the old house, but it was too cold to linger for long and as the afternoon began to fade she made her way to the small lounge they’d slept in last night, anxious that the electricity still wasn’t working. The thought of spending the night alone in the cold darkness of her room was like being abandoned all over again, but she couldn’t let it show.

‘Looks like we still need the candles,’ she said casually as she entered the room, to find Xavier sitting at his desk, with one candle alight and the fire burning brightly, reminding her of last night all over again.

She felt him look at her but moved to the window and stared out at the snowy landscape. It had stopped snowing, the wind had calmed and the first few stars were beginning to show themselves in the twilight sky.

He dropped his pen onto the desk, the noise making her turn to him. ‘Don’t worry, cara, I have made enquiries this afternoon. We should have the power back by nightfall.’

Relief flooded her, quickly followed by regret. She wouldn’t have to worry about the darkness tonight, but that also meant she would have to sleep alone and after last night that was going to be hard, especially when they were still in their surreal world, still very much alone. The thought of continuing her romantic fling filtered through, but that would never happen. It had just been one night to him and should have been the same for her, but it wasn’t.

‘That’s a relief,’ she said quickly, trying to hide the blush that crept over her cheeks just thinking of what had happened in this very room last night. She had to remember Xavier Moretti could never be part of her life.

‘So you don’t like the idea of another night in front of the fire?’ The teasing torment in his voice was hard to ignore as he unwittingly tapped into her thoughts. She continued to stare out at the wintery scene, knowing he was watching her. She could feel his eyes on her, knew by her racing pulse that it was more than a curious glance. ‘That is not very spontaneous.’

She whirled round to face him. She’d never been like that, preferring always to be in control. That way she didn’t risk being hurt. It was why she didn’t understand the way she acted around Xavier. No man had ever made her so reckless, but, then, never before had she intended to have a fling. ‘No, it’s not, and as we’ve established, last night should not have happened.’

‘You were very spontaneous last night—and very passionate.’

He stopped in mid-sentence and she walked towards him, eager to make her point but instantly wishing she hadn’t as her body leapt to life with heat and desire. ‘Last night I wasn’t myself. I have never done anything like that before.’

‘I understand, Tilly.’ The smooth seductiveness of his voice caressed her jangled nerves, soothing the anxiety. ‘Much more than you might think.’

As if sensing she was giving in, he stood up and very slowly moved towards her. ‘What do you understand?’ The question came out as a whisper as she tried to think over the throbbing beat of her pulse. How could this be happening again? How could she lose control of herself so quickly?

‘That you were afraid of the passion that burnt in you, afraid because of what happened with Jason.’

‘It has nothing to do with Jason.’ As she spoke, everything became clear. She’d loved Jason in a gentle, platonic kind of way and it had taken Xavier and one enforced night in his company to show her what real love was.

No wonder Jason had wanted more than companionship. She hadn’t been able to love or let passion into her heart and their relationship. Her childhood had ensured that but it didn’t justify him jilting her on their wedding day.

She looked at Xavier, the man she had been passionate with, and saw the dark intensity in his eyes. Did he believe her? Did he know he’d unlocked things she’d been shutting out all her adult life?

‘Well, mia cara, whatever the reason for last night, you should be that spontaneous woman again, live for the moment, but most of all you should let passion into your life.’

‘Is that the voice of experience?’ She couldn’t keep the mocking tone from her voice. Who was he to tell her what she should be?

He moved closer still but she didn’t step back, even though she could have. She held his gaze, desperate to prove passion wasn’t burning inside her, as he’d said. But it was a lie. The embers of last night were being coaxed to life. It was happening all over again and she couldn’t let it.

Suddenly the dimly lit room was flooded with light. Lamps glowed as the power returned. The shadows receded, taking with them her fears and the passion Xavier had almost rekindled.

‘Thank goodness.’ Quickly she moved away from him and the temptation of his touch. ‘At least we will have heat and light this evening.’ It also meant she’d be able to sleep alone in her bed.

‘And we will not have to spend another night here in front of the fire?’ His sexy accent gave those words a deeper meaning, one she couldn’t think about.

She shot him a glance, his dry tone echoing her own relief. She had to get out of here right now, before she gave in to the newly discovered spontaneity he’d mentioned and asked him to take her to his bed.

‘As you are busy with work, I will say goodnight.’ She kept her voice firm and devoid of any emotion, the unruffled exterior she normally lived behind returning as the panic of earlier ebbed away.

His brows flicked up briefly, but the shocked expression was soon replaced by the cold calmness she’d seen that morning. ‘That is not necessary, not when there is a warm fire here.’

‘I think it is, Xavier. As I said earlier, what happened last night shouldn’t have.’

‘But it did happen, cara.’ He moved towards her again. She held her ground, standing tall, her chin lifted in a blatant show of defiance. ‘And that cannot be undone.’

‘I know that.’ The strangled whisper that slipped from her alarmed her as much as the thought of spending more time with a man who made her feel emotions she just wasn’t ready to experience.

‘Take candles and matches with you,’ he said dismissively, and even though she was relieved he’d let the subject go, she couldn’t help the disappointment that crashed over her.

‘Goodnight, Xavier.’ She forced as much control as possible into her voice, picked up the candles and matches and headed for the door. She was almost sorry to leave the warmth of the fire for a room that would probably still be cold after almost twenty-four hours without heat, but she couldn’t stay here with him any longer. Not when he tested her, pushing her towards everything she’d always resisted—everything she should still resist.

‘Tilly?’

‘Yes?’ She swung round to look at him, cursing the excited hope that flared to life.

‘Sleep well.’

She nodded then left before she gave in to the temptation to rush over to him, throw her arms around him and be the woman she’d been last night—the woman who loved him.

* * *

Xavier watched Tilly go and felt every last bit of willpower being tested. He wanted to go after her, sweep her into his arms and carry her to the large four-poster bed in which he’d spent the first night at the manor—alone.

He wanted to kiss her until she surrendered to him. He wanted to lure out the woman he knew deep down she was. The passionate and sexy woman who’d spent last night in his arms.

Instead he stayed brooding over his paperwork, her claims that last night had been a mistake banging around in his head. Obviously, despite her bold way of proving his scars didn’t matter and telling him the accident had been just that, she felt differently.

She was the only woman he’d let close since the accident, the only woman he’d made love to—and she was pushing him away, telling him a fling was all she’d wanted. Yet she’d been a virgin.

Maybe it was just as well the electricity was back on. It would stop him making the same mistake twice and prevent his life becoming complicated. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. With those thoughts, he went to his room, intending to take a cold shower and get some sleep, but as he stood, towel around his hips, looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror after shaving, he questioned if sleep would be possible.

How could he sleep alone after last night, when the woman who’d allowed him to take something so precious, who’d shown him things he could never have, filling the night with compassion as well as hot desire, was only a few rooms away? She was that close, but so very far out of reach.

A fluid Italian curse left his lips and he flung the towel to the bathroom floor, as if it was responsible for the wild rush of emotions coursing through him. Damn it, he wanted her, he wanted the happy future she’d allowed him to glimpse, the one she’d had snatched from her.

But she doesn’t want you. Dio mio! What was wrong with him? Since when did he believe in relationships and happiness? He’d destroyed Paulo’s family and deserved to be punished over and over. Love and happiness could never reach him through his barrier of guilt—or so he’d thought.

He got into bed and switched out the light, the darkness wrapping around him instantly. He thought of Tilly, lying alone in her bed, and wanted nothing more than to go to her and hold her, but even more he wanted to love her. Could she have changed him that much in one night?

With a growl of exasperation he threw back the covers, flicked on the bedside lamp and pulled on his jeans. He couldn’t ignore what burned inside him for the blonde who’d exploded into his life such a short time ago and had inexplicably become a part of it.

His bare feet were silent on the carpeted landing as he made his way to the top of the stairs. In the dim light he could see the Christmas tree. It still mocked him, still reminded him he didn’t deserve Christmas and the happiness it brought.

Did that mean he didn’t deserve Tilly and the happiness he’d begun to imagine with her?

Should he stop and return to his room? No, he couldn’t turn his back on not only Tilly but the happiness she would bring to his life. He paused at the top of the stairs and looked down the corridor that led to Tilly’s room.

They were still snowed in, still away from the harsh reality of the real world, and that changed things. Was one more night in that surreal world possible?

He turned away. She deserved better than him and so much more than he could give. She deserved happiness and love. With heaviness settling over him, he walked away, turning his back on what could have been if he hadn’t been the man he was.

* * *

Tilly hadn’t slept at all and without knowing why had slipped out of bed and from her room. Where was Xavier now? Was he alone downstairs, punishing himself? She wished she could make him see he shouldn’t, make him see he deserved to be loved and had to let love back into his life.

She stopped briefly in the darkened corridor, nervous of the shadows lurking in the old house, but the need to go to Xavier, to be with him, to love him—for just one more night—was too much. She made her way along the corridor to the top of the stairs. It wasn’t just the passion and desire that had turned her whole world upside down last night that drove her on in this madness. It was the love for him, growing deep inside her. This was far more than being spontaneous.

She wanted to show him her love, just one more time, because tomorrow, however it was accomplished, she was leaving. She had to get back to her life. The one without love and passion complicating it, but tonight she wanted to live the fantasy one last time. She wouldn’t be leading him on, not when he preferred affairs to relationships. She would just blur into one of many who’d warmed his bed. That thought didn’t sit comfortably, but her need for him was far stronger and she wanted to take the risk that being with him most definitely was.

Nothing else mattered. She had to go to him—just one last time.

As she came to the landing and the top of the elegant staircase she saw him. Like a vision conjured up from her dreams, dressed only in his jeans, the look on his face so distant. Traces of vulnerability lingered in his eyes and she could hardly believe it was the same man she’d said goodnight to earlier.

‘Tilly?’ The question lingered in the syllables of her name.

She took a deep breath. Now was a time to be bold. ‘I want to be someone different, Xavier, to live in a world of complete fantasy and be the woman I was last night—just once more.’

Before she had a chance to register his reaction, he’d come to her, his fingers brushing down her face as he stood half-naked in front of her. Her pulse leapt and she looked up into his dark eyes, wondering if he felt it too, this passion that had taken her over. It was so intense she trembled like a leaf in the summer breeze.

‘You are tempting me so much I can’t resist.’ His voice held a faint tremor, as if he did feel it.

He lowered his head and brushed his lips lightly over hers and she closed her eyes as pleasure swept away any lingering doubts about what she was doing. Her body leaned towards him, but he didn’t take her in his arms, didn’t pull her against his body.

She opened her eyes and looked into the fathomless depths of his. They had only one more night left in this strange world where rules and barriers were being eroded. ‘Xavier?’

‘Shhh. Forget the world exists, just for tonight.’ His breath whispered across her lips and she knew it was too late, she was already his.

‘Yes,’ she whispered, and then pressed her lips to his briefly. ‘Just for tonight.’

Somewhere deep inside her she was screaming—no, shouting—that one night would never be enough, not now she’d fallen in love with him, but sense prevailed. She knew not to expect any kind of commitment from him.

As doubts rose again he kissed her passionately, pulling her against his bare chest, making further thought impossible as the desire they’d shared the previous night erupted once more. Then he swept her up in his arms and made his way to his bedroom. She could feel each stride taking her past the point of no return, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was to love him, one last time.