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All of us face difficult conversations at work now and on. What are the issues that can be tough to discuss?

Unsolicited Advice

Underperformance

Criticism

Disappointment

Complaints and grievances

It goes without saying that we have to bottle up negative emotions in addressing these issues so as not to destroy the friendly atmosphere and a team spirit but such discussions are a necessary evil providing us an opportunity to resolve workplace conflicts quickly and efficiently and improve employees’ performance.

Many people avoid difficult conversations in the workplace because it makes them feel uncomfortable but we should remember that the problems will not go away by themselves. In fact, avoiding the conversation may prolong or exacerbate the problem, damage productivity, reduce staff confidence in the manager’s leadership skills and finally lead to employee turnover.

The right phrases can help you find the correct way of managing difficult conversations

HOW TO OPEN A TOUGH CONVERSATION

We suggest starting with conciliatory gestures using the phrases like these:

1 Is this a good time to talk? There are a few things I’d like to go over with you.

2 I need to speak with you about something; please feel free to speak your mind, as well.

3 I’m at a loss as to what to do about this. Perhaps you have some ideas?

4 We all need to have difficult conversations at some point, and this is one of those times.

if it doesn’t help, don’t hesitate to be blunt

1 I ’m just going to come out and say it: We need to talk. Now.

2 In my office, five minutes.

3 I am going to talk, and you are going to listen, okay?

How to Express a Specific Concern

Try to be polite, at least at the beginning of the discussion

1 There’s just one thing that’s bothering me about this…

2 You know, it seems like there could be a potential problem here.

3 Let’s revisit this for a moment. I’m sure I’m not the only one with doubts.

4 I’d like to put everything out on the table, okay?

5 Ignoring a problem will only make it worse, don’t you agree?

if it doesn’t work, don’t be afraid of sounding less polite

1 I think we need to face reality: This is a problem.

2 Can we at least agree that there is a problem?

3 Am I the only person who is concerned?

HOW TO GIVE UNSOLICITED ADVICE

We suggest trying to be gentle

1 May I offer my opinion? I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.

2 I know nobody asked, but I’d like to weigh on this if that’s okay.

3 Perhaps you’d like to hear my perspective on the situation?

Don’t hesitate to sound more directive if it is necessary

1 Have you considered asking a neutral outsider for his opinion?

2 I know you’re not in the mood to listen to advice right now, but please hear me out.

3 I can understand why you wouldn’t want to hear this, but I simply cannot remain silent.

4 You obviously need help, and I’m just the person for the job.

5 You’re clearly not ready to listen, but I’m going to tell you what I think anyway.

HOW TO ADDRESS UNDERPERFORMANCE

Were I you, I’d try to be as delicate as possible from the beginning

1 I’ve noticed that you’re having a tough time at work. Is there any way I can help?

2 You seem a bit out of your depth lately. Are you having trouble with something specific?

3 You seem to be floundering a bit lately. What’s going on?

4 Your work has been slipping lately. Is there something wrong?

5 You’ve been underperforming, and we need to address it before it becomes a problem.

Unfortunately, sometimes we need to sound blunt

1 A company can’t survive constantly covering for a worker who is a dead weight.

2 If you don’t shape up, you’ll need to ship out, I’m afraid.

3 It’s really simple: You either fix this or you’re fired.

4 You do what you do, you get what you get.

HOW TO PROVIDE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

You are supposed to sound gentle before giving this bitter pill

1 Your work here is very good overall, but I think you can bring it to an even higher level.

2 Let’s start this off on a positive note. Here’s what you are doing well.…

3I know you are capable of great things here, if you just tie up these loose ends.

4I appreciate getting honest feedback on my work, so I want to provide that to you, too.

5I know it’s difficult to receive feedback, but the benefits far outweigh the temporary discomfort.

Don’t hesitate to be blunt when you see the necessity of it

1 Most people don’t like criticism, but you’ll need to get used to it if you want to do well here.

2 Everyone benefits from being critiqued, even you.

3 I’m just going to be blunt here and tell you where you really need to improve.

4 Let’s face it: Your performance in this particular area has been sorely lacking.

5 I have serious concerns about your performance. What do you plan on doing to correct this?

HOW TO DISCIPLINE OR PUNISH A VALUED EMPLOYEE

It’s even harder than reprimanding those who work badly and you can be quite empathic

1 I hate this part of my job, but I would be remiss if I didn’t

2 If you weren’t such a valuable employee, I wouldn’t even bother discussing this.

3 Anyone can take a wrong turn, so I’ll just let you off with a warning. •

4 What do you think would be fair? You know, since you’re the one who messed up.

5 You made a mistake and unfortunately you will need to pay.

Sometimes you can’t help sounding harsh

1 I’m going to need to lower the boom on you.

2 You screwed up, so you’re the one who will have to absorb the cost.

3 One more of these incidents and I’ll have to re-think your employment here.

HOW TO EXPRESS DISAPPOINTMENT

We advise being kind even if your disappointment is keen

1 I am disappointed, but I know you will make things right.

2 If I feel let down it’s because I have such high regard for you.

3 Despite my disappointment, I have every reason to believe that you will make this right.

4 You’re going to have to figure out how to get back into my good graces.

You can sound harsh if your kind approach failed to help

1 You let me down, and honestly I’m not sure what you can do to make it right.

2 I’m so disappointed, I don’t even know what to say to you.

3 There is simply no excuse for what you’ve done, here.

4 I would have expected better from you

5 Things would go a lot more smoothly for you here if you just took my advice.

HOW TO EXPRESS ANGER

We recommend you to restrain your anger

1 Yes, I am angry, but the main thing is that we find a solution.

2 ’m not gonna lie: I’m pretty pissed right now.

3 I’m right on the verge of losing it. Can’t you see that?

You can demonstrate your attempts to bottle it up

1 You are fortunate that I have such self-control.

2 I have every right to be upset right now!

3 I must admit being furious

WHAT WOULD YOU DO AND WHAT WOULD YOU SAY

IN THESE SITUATIONS?

Situation 1 :

Your co-worker has been very moody recently and it has been affecting the work of all the team. You are trying to be empathetic, but you also want to make her realise how her problems are affecting her performance. Which of the phrases would you choose to start this tough conversation?

Situation 2 :

You are trying to get some important work done to meet the deadlines, but some other employees have been horsing around near the water cooler for a long time talking and laughing very loudly. You have already asked them politely to be quiet but it doesn’t seem to help. What phrase would be the most appropriate here?

Situation 3:

You are the boss. You are extremely worried about the current project, for which the deadline is the end of the week.The progress has been slow so far and you want everyone to work late until things are back on track. But everybody wants to call it a day and go home. What phrases would be perfect in this situation?

Situation 4:

You work very closely with one particular co-worker. However, your colleague is not a good listener. He tends to brush off your suggestions and dominate with his own ideas / by the way, not very bright ones/. You need to discuss this with him to persuade him that your ideas are appreciated more. How would you say it?

Situation 5:

You are a manager with a few dozen employees working under you. One day, you come across one of your employees lazing about and doing nothing with his feet up on his desk. This employee is considered to be brilliant and highly valued by the management. How would you start your conversation?