Читать книгу HISTORY OF THE FUTURE, Book 1: Meeting With Happy Smile (Part One) - - Страница 11

From time to time, I found myself feeling confused. Happy seemed like a person who genuinely knew how to enjoy life, and who had figured it all out for himself.

I, on the other hand, was losing track of who I was and how to be myself. I ended up sharing my attention with everything and everyone, getting caught up in the different realities life threw at me.

In stressful moments, I rushed, became clumsy, and struggled to respect my time – and even his.

One particular day stands out in my memory – I was following him around the island on my scooter. It wasn’t the most comfortable experience for me, since I was still new to driving a scooter and he was a professional driver.

Until that day, he kept sharing with me how to create my experiences the way I wanted.

“It is only possible by not sharing your attention with the things and scenarios you don’t want in your life. Focus on what you want to see.”

It was an amazing idea to focus on the scenarios I want to see in the future.

Yet in practice, I was feeling quite fragile when I was facing unwanted experiences in life, ending up judging myself and feeling guilty.

Internally, I was finding myself thinking: ‘I don’t want to keep him waiting’ and ‘I don’t want to make him uneasy with my driving.’ I was dwelling on scenarios of what I DID NOT WANT, instead of focusing on what I WANTED.

This approach heightened my stress as I realized I was causing him to wait and grow frustrated.

I hurried to catch up with him, speeding down a hill, as my stress levels increased, I ended up slowly tumbling off my scooter.

Fortunately, nothing happened other than a minor scratch on my knee. Oh, and my side mirror had popped out from the impact with the ground.

I played it cool, pretending nothing had happened. I stashed the mirror in my bag, lifted the bike, and kept trailing him.

A few minutes later, I realized it wasn’t the smartest move to ride the scooter without the side mirror. So, I stopped him and asked for his support with the mirror.

He stopped, visibly surprised, and asked me what happened. I shared while feeling a little guilty, not realizing I was the one creating him as frustrated in my own head.

‘You are rushing,’ he said in a straight voice, then asked: ‘What do you want?’

I had such mixed feelings in that moment, realizing this guy had been asking me what I wanted since day one. I remember he was asking this question to me over and over again, on that first night when we were in the villa.

When I thought about it that day, I felt off-guard and couldn’t find a satisfying answer. It felt like I did not know this man to ask anything from him.

I said “I’m not interested in you giving me anything. How about you? What do you want?”

He was impressed to see a person asking him the same question. He only smiled and didn’t share his answer, as if my asking was already all he wanted.

And now, coming to this moment, my energy was stressing and shaking inside my body as I heard this question.