Читать книгу Better Aged Care Professionals Ask Better Questions - Lindsay Jr. Tighe - Страница 12

Let’s now go to the other end of our line – we are now in the ‘asker’ or ‘questioner’ space. I invite you for a moment to think about what is different now that we are at the other end of the line. Whilst we could argue that there are many things that are different in the ‘asker’ role, I believe that there are two things that fundamentally set it apart from the ‘teller’. One is to do with what we believe about the person, and the second concerns what we, in theory, need to bring to the table.

Having thought about it for a few seconds, I hope that you can see that firstly we believe the person with whom we are interacting, in this case your client, has knowledge, wisdom and expertise, and it is our role as the ‘asker’ to draw it out of them. To create a visual representation of this in your mind, please imagine that at the ‘telling’ end of the line you are using your hands to gesture a movement of rolling outwards, which represents the sharing of your knowledge and expertise. At the ‘asking’ end of the line, please imagine your hands moving in the opposite direction – a movement rolling towards you, which I think beautifully represents the role here as a Potentialiser to draw out that knowledge, wisdom and expertise in your clients.

I have shared this imagery with thousands of people in my workshops, and many people have said to me that the image of me standing there using my hands to represent the ‘asking’ to draw out knowledge, wisdom and expertise was so profound that they remembered it years later. Let’s hope it stays with you as a powerful reminder of the importance of enabling people by asking them questions. Indeed, you will note that in the ‘asking’ space you bring a different belief about them. May I suggest that you see them as being resourceful, creative, knowledgeable and wise, with expertise that is far more amazing than even they realise. Remember, when you are at the ‘telling’ end of our line, your standpoint (often unconsciously) is that you don’t believe these things about them; in fact, you probably believe (or at least infer) that they know nothing. Another perspective that I often share here is that at the ‘telling’ end of the line it is all about you, whilst at the ‘asking’ end of the line it is all about them. Wow! How powerful to realise these things!

Now let’s look at the second thing that is different at the ‘asking’ end of the line. In theory, you don’t need a solution to the problem or issue or to be the expert, because the assumption is made that they have the answer and therefore your role is just to draw it out. Now, I know many of you are saying: ‘But what if they don’t know the answer?’ In that case, asking would be a waste of time; it may be true that they don’t know, in which case you can revert to ‘telling’. However, in many instances they do have some ideas, and the very fact that we automatically go to the ‘telling’ space means that their ideas never see the light of day! So, asking must be the best first response. Later in the book we will explore the way you can respond to various scenarios, such as when they appear not to know something, but I felt I had to address this point early on as I know objections come up quickly in people’s minds that are best dealt with straight away.

So, if in theory you accept that you don’t need to have the answer but that your clients do have the answer (or at least some ideas to bring to the table), then I hope it makes it easier to step into a ‘questioning’ mode because you recognise that you are there to draw out wisdom rather than to always convey information or answers. If you see this ‘drawing out’ as the way to approach the conversation, rather than being the fountain of all knowledge, you will immediately start to tap into the potential of your clients and the dynamics of your relationship will shift to a more positive, empowering and engaging one.

It will be good to explore the ‘asking’ space a little further, so let me share an example of when I was able to support a client with a goal she had. In this example, you will see that I had no idea how to help her in a traditional ‘telling’ sense, but by asking her Better Questions she was able to be resourceful and find the answers herself. This particular client had come to me because she wanted to make a number of changes in her life – and one of these changes was that she wanted to get fit and run a marathon. What was interesting for me to acknowledge was that I was unable to stand in the ‘telling’ space because I had never run a marathon; I had no personal experience of having to train for a marathon, and I also couldn’t draw on expertise from experiences of friends or family as they had never run a marathon either. I hope you can see that I couldn’t be teacher, trainer, educator, expert or mentor – I could only be an ‘asker’.

This was one of my first conscious experiences of being an ‘asker’ rather than a ‘teller’, and whilst I confess to feeling a little apprehensive because I wasn’t able to help in the traditional way by giving advice, I stuck to the principles I knew about asking Better Questions. I have to say that I was amazed by how resourceful my client was and how she was able to find her own answer to her problem. It wasn’t that she was incapable of finding answers to achieve her goal, it was that she had not given herself enough focused time and the right questions to enable her to find the strategy that was going to work for her. Using the skills that I am going to share with you throughout this book, she was not only able to identify her success strategy, but within a matter of a few months she was able to put it into place to successfully run her first half marathon.

I share this story so that you can see that when you can’t provide answers to problems, you can still help your clients to find answers themselves by asking Better Questions. Indeed, I will make the point that we will revisit later: when we don’t have the answer to something, it is often easier to be an ‘asker’ because then we cannot be tempted to jump in and give them advice that inhibits their resourcefulness.

It’s not often that we can make a case for not having all the answers, but in my experience being an ‘asker’ rather than a ‘teller’ frequently enables us to be better in our professional roles. When you always have an answer to something or play the role of the expert you are often tempted to be ‘tellers’, which inhibits, and it is this issue that will be your greatest challenge to becoming more of an ‘asker’ and a true Potentialiser.

CHAPTER SUMMARY As professionals you wear many hats. Many of these hats sit traditionally and comfortably in the ‘telling’ space. When you are in the ‘asking’ space you believe that your clients are resourceful and that you don’t need to come up with all the answers. When you don’t have an answer to something it is easier to be an ‘asker’, and when you do have an answer it makes ‘asking’ all the more challenging.