Читать книгу The Colors Of A Optimistic World - Logan J. Davisson - Страница 23

Reflection teaches us an incredible amount about ourselves and gives us the opportunity to deal with ourselves, with challenges and with our fellow human beings in a more positive way. For example, we recognize negative emotions and no longer take them as an opportunity to make hasty, supposedly redeeming decisions. So our decision making becomes much more effective!

Also, by observing our own behaviour in conflict situations, we can react more calmly and strive to resolve the conflict instead of showing selfish behaviour (blame attribution). Conflicts, failures or mistakes then no longer become nightmares, but learning opportunities for which we do not have to condemn ourselves at all. Even self- pity does not find a place any more with an attentive contemplation of one's own person, because we can accept our fate as it is.

So in the future you can put your energy into optimising your abilities instead of letting your dissatisfaction, stress and anger evaporate. The better we know ourselves, the better we can set better priorities and healthier boundaries, identify our own goals and make positive changes with motivation and confidence.

Reflection can have very different faces. While one prefers to move to a monastery for a week, the other practices daily self-reflection through evening evaluation. In this chapter you will find some suggestions that will hopefully help you to find the right kind of reflection for you and make it part of your life.

Increase Self-Esteem

Increasing self-esteem is enormously important for restoring inner balance. What's the matter with you? Because we will only take healthy measures if we are actually worth it. Are you important enough to yourself to make changes for more relaxation and balance in your life, even if this may mean outside criticism? Our self-esteem is our best friend, because only through a healthy self-esteem we are motivated to make healthy decisions and to trust ourselves with them.

The cause of low self-esteem is often childhood. Not all people were allowed to experience through their parents how important, loving and strong they are. But don't worry, you can catch up at any time. Instead of often reproaching your own weaknesses and making them your personal flagship and comparing yourself with supposedly unattainable idols, you should treat yourself with a lot of love, respect and patience. This includes accepting external compliments, praising oneself regularly for success and progress, and not comparing oneself with other people. Other people are not in your situation and simply have different prerequisites. Two lives cannot be compared. It's better to compare yourself with yourself and see your progress!

In order to silence the inner critic, you should take a little time every day to play through critically judged behaviors again and to consider alternative behaviors. The neighbour treated you again unbelievably disrespectful, because your shopping basket stood in the stairwell for a few seconds? Have you been able to defend yourself self-confidently and self-confidently or have the words got stuck in your throat? Then consider for such situations how to put an end to these unsightly encounters the next time respectfully, clearly and unambiguously.

Finding acceptance and perceiving the feedback

Accept your current situation, your feelings and also your physical condition. That sound funny to you? Accepting the current situation is nevertheless a logical and important step. What triggers it in you if you don't want to accept a fact? Most likely tension! And tension is a clear messenger of impending stress, because at that very moment you have made a negative judgement about a condition. You already know that your personal attitude to the circumstances controls your emotions regarding this condition.

So it is not surprising if you get into unnecessary and additional stress due to the lack of acceptance of your situation. I'm not saying that you should suddenly love your back pain or consider your current situation perfect, but I'm simply recommending that you see the situation for what it is: a changeable condition. So you have the possibility to perceive your feelings and your physical signals exactly and to accept them without judgement. You may perceive all your negative emotions and also the physical consequences of long-term stress and imbalance exactly as such messages. The moment you perceive your emotional and physical feedback without judgment, you have made a great step! You have, so to speak, carried out an inventory or an inventory of your situation and can initiate optimizing steps based on this.

Not everyone is able to practice self-acceptance right away. It may be helpful if you take at least 15 minutes a day to take stock. You write down which aspects of your current situation you do not want to accept and then try to accept exactly these aspects as an expression of a changeable state: "I accept that I am very irritable at the moment. This is an expression of a momentary overload." You will quickly notice that you will move away from critical thinking about yourself and your situation to a focused problem-solving attitude!

Practice a positive attitude - Look at things from a different angle

It is often not the situations themselves that put us under stress, but our assessment of the situation. So to consider a positive attitude towards stressful situations, i.e. to look at the situation from a completely new perspective, can actually reduce the pressure and stress. And even if at first it may sound as if you are lying to yourself, this new optimism will soon become a happy habit of an attentive and balanced attitude. From now on, devote at least 15 minutes a day to finding out how to redefine and evaluate stressful situations.

Here is an example: The conflict-laden relationship with the neighbours was previously a reason to lapse into a tense state. In other words, the conflict-laden relationship with the neighbours could be a wonderful occasion for spatial change, for a new beginning or for learning a wide variety of conflict management techniques. Even the queue at the supermarket checkout does not necessarily have to be evaluated negatively. This can also be a good way to write a short, nice message to your best friend, download an interesting book to your smartphone or talk to people around you.

During your daily reflection you write down which situations have caused stress in you. In a second step, try to look at the situation as objectively as possible. A defective car is a defective car and does not have to become a medium-sized family drama. What alternative perspectives could you throw at this situation? Does the situation that triggers the stress possibly also have its advantages or does it even offer opportunities for further development? The more impersonal you look at a particular situation, the more likely you are to change your perspective on the situation and see the positive aspects of it all.

Abandoning self-pity and the role of victim

Bathing in self-pity and surrendering to the role of victim is not difficult at all. And sometimes it does us good, because it gives us an extra motivation kick to develop ourselves further in life and to dare new things. So self- pity can have its good sides, as long as we don't sink completely into it. Life doesn't always run in perfect tracks, but often gives us the opportunity to make another real effort. If self-pity becomes a habit, however, then there is not much to feel of the healing effect and we drift off into a kind of victim role. This means that we no longer take responsibility for our current situation, but feel helpless, ignored, excluded and worthless. That's the opposite of self-confidence.

In the long run, this can lead to listlessness and even depression. As soon as we feel comfortable in the victim role, we hand over the responsibility. After all, the perpetrators, the others who are doing well, are the culprits and life itself has played unfair cards to you. Then it is high time to take responsibility for your own situation again and ask yourself: How could it have come to this? What have I contributed to this situation? And how can I avoid such events in the future? To work oneself out of the victim role means to practice oneself in self-reflection and relentless honesty towards oneself. So, if you show more self-pity than compassion for yourself, it's time to keep a record of the most common self-pity scenarios and the corresponding research to break down these long- established structures.

Keep a stress log

Keeping a stress log can help determine the actual causes of the stress response. Many people overlook the signs of a stress response, but this is exactly when an intervention could take place. So take at least a week to observe yourself closely. Pay attention to the following points:

- What are the signs of an impending stress response?

- What physical and psychological symptoms of stress can I perceive in myself?

- When do I react stressed

- What thoughts do I have in this stressful situation?

- Where does the pressure that leads to the stress reaction come from? External or internal factors (external circumstances or expectations of yourself)?

- How do I deal with the stress?

You will use this protocol to quickly find out in which situations you feel stressed, how the stress normally manifests itself, and how you usually deal with that stress. This helps you not only to recognize approaching stress situations in the future, but also to steer your behavior more attentively. A further step, after recognizing individual behavior patterns, is the rethinking. Some of the methods presented in this book will help you create a new perspective on immutable situations. In addition, you can consider which reaction you can use to make stressful situations less stressful.

The stress protocol, for example, has shown that you are always particularly irritated at lunchtime. This may be due to a lack of morning snack and a short break at the beginning of the lunch break. And instead of talking to the belligerent colleague at lunchtime, you could politely make her understand that at a later stage you are willing to resolve possible conflicts. Fixed behaviors are not always immediately recognizable, which is why a stress protocol can be a strong help to show these unconscious and almost intuitive behaviors.

Gratitude and pleasure

We are often so tense that we mostly forget to be grateful and enjoy, but these are exactly two attitudes that enrich our lives unbelievably. Maybe you've had the same experience before: They rush from one appointment to the next and therefore have no time to enjoy the wonderful weather or the grandiose food. The more we are under stress and put ourselves under pressure, the less time we take to enjoy and be grateful for the little things in life that make life so worth living.

The art of feeling gratitude and being able to enjoy moments seriously is an expression of inner balance. Sometimes it is enough to charge yourself with these powerful, positive emotions by consciously enjoying a tea during lunch break or by being grateful to see the squirrels climbing the trees. You can make it a habit to let this gratitude and the pleasure move back into your everyday life. Take a little time in the next days or weeks in the evening and think about the course of the day: Which moments of your everyday life deserved a little more attentiveness and gratitude, which moments could you have enjoyed more? Make a point of paying more attention to these aspects of your everyday life. By remembering it daily, your consciousness will soon be ready for gratitude and enjoyment in everyday life as well.

You may feel that you do not deserve to indulge yourself or enjoy something. Put this way of thinking aside, because it has nothing to do with reality and is merely an expression of unhealthy ways of thinking that urgently need to make room for new ways of thinking. The most popular excuse is then "I don't have time to enjoy this moment or show gratitude for it." This is not entirely true, because you set the priorities for your life and if it is one of your priorities to be more mindful of the beautiful sides of life, then you have time enough. Your current everyday life certainly has many beautiful moments of pleasure in store for you, but how about you spoil yourself consciously? Think about what enjoyment means to you. Is it the undisturbed time alone in a café or is it staying in a bookstore? Build more situations into your everyday life, which you fill with great gratitude!