Читать книгу The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten - Martha Sears - Страница 43

Your toddler has a jar of olives, and you have visions that there will soon be a mess to clean up. You hastily snatch the jar from her clutches. And within a millisecond you have set off a protest tantrum. You’ve saved yourself a mess to clean up on the floor, but now you have an emotional mess to care for.

Grabbing a prized object from a child for whatever reason is not socially appropriate: it violates the personhood of the child. And it’s not good discipline – you’re teaching your child the very thing you tell her not to do. “Don’t grab”, you say, as you grab back what was grabbed. Snatching the jar away from her is bound to anger her, as well as reinforce the grabbing mentality.

There is a better way. For a young toddler, make eye contact and divert her attention to something else she’d like. For an older toddler, tell her you’ll help her open the jar so she can have an olive, and point to where you want her to put it. This is simply an exercise in politeness and respect, and “adult-in-charge” approach. Children need adults to communicate and model the behaviour adults expect.

nerve-wracking. Language also gives expression to feelings; a feisty “No” from your formerly agreeable child can raise your eyebrows.

A mind of their own. Toddlers think, but not logically. Just as motor skills take off during the first half of the second year, toward the last half mental skills blossom. The one-year-old plunges impulsively into activities without much thinking. The two-year-old studies her environment, figuring out a course of action in her head before venturing forth with her body. But a baby’s desire to do something often precedes the ability to do it successfully. This developmental quirk drives toddlers into trouble and caregivers to the brink. Even though you know that baby hasn’t mastered a skill yet, your explanation won’t stop him from trying. For example, one morning our son Stephen insisted on pouring his own juice. He had the ability to manoeuvre the cup and jug but lacked the wisdom to know when the cup was full. He did not want us to pour it for him. So we let him stand at the sink and pour water into cups while we poured the juice at the table. After a pouring party at the sink he accepted my hand on his hand and followed my nudge about when to stop pouring.