Читать книгу Senior Year, '94 - Megan B. March - Страница 4

It was the first day of school after winter break and I didn’t want to be there. Sure, seeing familiar faces I had not seen for two weeks was going to be nice, and now, after a lot of planning and hard work, I had finally become a senior, but I was not nearly as excited as I should have been. That’s because my ex-fiancé-maybe-boyfriend had just found out he has a kid with the girl who broke his heart over three years ago. Even though she probably hadn’t planned on doing it, Savannah revealed this news to Jensen while we were with his family during Christmas break in Phoenix. Devastated when he told me, I wasted no time in leaving to come back to Alaska where I ran into even more trouble when I made the stupid fucking decision to go to a party with Nate, a close friend of mine. It was there that I proceeded to get completely smashed and do the one thing I swore I’d never do—cheat on Jensen. The thing was, I’d had so much to drink that I had no idea it was Nate I was with instead of Jensen. I even went so far as to have sex with him, but that was something I never intended to do.

“How could I have been so stupid?” I chastised myself aloud, running my hands along the steering wheel. The morning after pushed its way into my brain as I sat in my truck and closed my eyes, trying not to think about how cold it was or that the pain in my lower abdomen was back, stabbing me more than usual. I really need to get that checked out.

Sighing, I sat back and allowed my memory to go back to the point when I woke up and realized that it wasn’t Jensen lying beside me, but Nate.

I still had my bra and panties on, which gave me hope, but that diminished after I poked Nate awake and hastily asked in a whisper if we had slept together. Nate didn’t answer right away and carefully regarded me as if he was thinking it through, then confirmed that we had. With tears in my eyes I told him that I thought he was Jensen. “How could you have taken advantage of me like that?” I wanted to know, and he easily replied that I had asked him to stay. That was true, but only because I was sure it was Jensen whom I was inviting to stay with me. “And what about Aria? What are you going to tell her?” I practically spit the words out.

Nate sat up so quickly that the blanket covering the lower half of him swiftly moved and fell to the side. My eyes impulsively shot to where the blanket had been and I almost felt relief when I saw he was still in his boxers. In no uncertain terms he let me know that I’d better not tell her or he’d deny the whole thing, reminding me that I was so drunk no one would believe anything I said. The two of us exchanged more words that were not so nice, and pointing toward the door I told him to leave. Nate looked me in the eye and in a not-so-polite fashion reminded me that he drove me to the house in my truck, leaving his car at the party. He quickly disappeared into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Getting up off the bed, I pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt I had draped over the side of my laundry basket, a sign to remind me I could wear a set of clothes again before washing them. Just as I pulled the sweatshirt down around my jeans, the bathroom door opened and Nate stepped out without a word. He proceeded to furiously pull his clothes on while I went into the bathroom to try and pull myself together. Looking in the mirror at my pale, ragged face, I gathered my hair back into a simple ponytail and splashed cold water on my eyes. Small streams of water flowed down my cheeks, but I could barely feel them. Next, I brushed my teeth to get the horrible taste out of my mouth and ran a wet washcloth over my face and neck. Leaving the bathroom, I found Nate standing in the living room by the front window, staring out with his arms crossed.

“Where are my keys?” I reluctantly asked him after doing a quick sweep of the living room. “And my wallet?”

“Here,” he said, throwing my keys to me that were in his hand the whole time. I caught them in mid-air, but not without the jagged key poking my hand and cutting it slightly. Looking down, I saw a tiny amount of blood and automatically rose my hand to my mouth and sucked the little bit of blood away before going to the kitchen to get an aspirin. My head was pounding hard and I knew it wouldn’t go away on its own.

“What are you doing?” Nate impatiently asked when I tugged at the plastic lid of the aspirin bottle with my teeth.

“My head is killing me,” I explained, dropping two tablets into my hand and pulling out a glass to fill with water. My whole body felt like a dried sponge. Tossing the aspirin back quickly, I downed the full glass of water and felt a little bit better, good enough to drive Nate back to the party where he’d parked his vehicle the night before for the party

Not saying a word, Nate followed me out to my truck in the frigid cold. The truck’s engine easily started and I put the heater on full-bore before getting out to scrape ice off the windows. Nate didn’t offer to help and just angrily stewed inside the cab of the truck, staring out the window at nothing in particular until I finished up and climbed into the cab, which by that time was pleasantly warm. For a second he glanced my way and then back out at the snowy landscape.

Making a move to open my glove compartment, I reached across Nate who stiffened and pulled further away, obviously mistaking my movement as a way of trying to touch him.

“I wasn’t going to touch you, Nate,” I grumbled, annoyed at his childish behavior. “I just want to check my glove compartment for my wallet.”

“Well, then do it!” he growled. Nate sounded very irritated, but at this point I didn’t care.

Opening the glove box and ruffling around inside, I quickly found my wallet tucked behind the owner’s manual before shutting the compartment and then putting my truck in gear to back out of the driveway. Carefully I navigated the icy streets, and when it was time to pull onto the freeway I realized I didn’t know where I was going.

“You’ll have to give me directions,” I said to Nate who was still not looking my way. “I can’t remember where that place was.”

Nate snorted and then gruffly gave me the directions. I was glad it only took about ten minutes to get there, although it felt like ten minutes too long. Once I rolled to a stop in back of his car, Nate was out the door without so much as a ‘goodbye’ or ‘thanks for the ride.’

“Hey, wait a second,” I called out to Nate who looked at me with a flash of hope on his face. It was the first time he’d looked at me since I had told him our little encounter was a mistake. “Please tell me we used some kind of protection ... like a condom,” I gulped.

Narrowing his gaze at me, Nate growled and said, “I’m not fucking stupid! Since this whole shit with Aria I’ve gotten a whole lot smarter!” He slammed the door shut, but not before yelling, “Jesus Christ, Mia!”

It had been a sensible question, but his response was uncalled for. I thought of pregnant Aria and a pang of guilt instantly hit me. Angry at Nate and what we’d done, I hit the gas, spinning the tires on the ice and letting out a little squeal on a piece of bare pavement. If nothing else, I thought it might show him how I felt. Before long I loosened my tight grip on the steering wheel.

“Shit,” I hissed barely above a whisper, running my fingers around the steering wheel again as I thought of the last time I’d seen Nate. Somehow the gesture was comforting. Zero-hour was my first class of the day and I wasn’t in the mood. Zero-hour was also the class I shared with Nate. I wondered if he’d even show up.

I looked around the parking lot after arriving early and saw a few parked cars and one pulling in to park farther away from where I sat in my truck. I wondered why someone would park so far away instead of closer with all the prime parking that was available. I squinted to see if I could tell who was now getting out from an opened car door. Could it be? I got out of my truck, pulled my bag across the center console, and shut and locked the door, making my way over to the truck.

“Hey! Welcome to your senior year!” the familiar figure shouted.

“I thought you were going to quit those,” I pointed out to a smiling Jibby who was bundled up in a heavy, black winter coat and had an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He was welcomed company right about then.

“And I came so close, too,” he smirked, getting closer and taking out a pack of cigarettes. He held it out to me. “You look like hell and I’m guessing you’re about to ask me if you can have one.”

Not being able to keep from smiling, I reached out and took a cigarette from the pack. Jibby flicked the lighter, telling me to breathe in to help the flame catch. After mine was lit he fired up his as well.

“Sit?” Jibby motioned to the back of his truck and I nodded. He opened the tailgate and we both sat up on the cold metal.

“Ahhh, nothing like sitting on a cold piece of tin early in the morning and havin’ a smoke,” he said, blowing out a puff of white that swirled around our heads. I only took small drags, remembering what had happened to me the last time Jibby let me take a drag off his cigarette. So this is what all the fuss was about. Cigarettes are kind of calming. No wonder Aria started in the first place! I pulled the cigarette out of my mouth and flicked the building ash off the end with a tap from my thumb.

“So, are you going to tell me why you look like hell?” Jibby took another deep drag and then exhaled perfectly formed circles into the air around us.

“Cute,” I commented, pointing to the circles that were quickly dissolving in the cold morning air. It was a diversionary tactic because I wasn’t quite ready to talk about things yet. “Good thing about cold weather is, people don’t necessarily know you’re smoking. For all they know you might just be breathing.”

“Except for the little white stick you’re taking out of your mouth every now and then.” Jibby cocked a half smile with his cigarette on the side of his mouth. He looked comical. “So, what’s new, Adams?” He took a drag as I sighed.

“Other than I’m skipping zero-hour to avoid someone?” I was comfortable in his presence and needed to tell someone what had happened; someone who was not close to the situation like Krissa or Alicia.

Suddenly concerned, Jibby raised an interested eyebrow at me. “What’s going on?”

Feeling tears in my eyes, I sighed again more heavily. “I fucked up, that’s what’s going on.” Tears began sliding down my face and Jibby put his arm around me in a friendly way, holding me close.

“What? Tell me.”

I took another drag and spilled my guts to him right there in the auto shop parking lot while skipping zero-hour that cold winter morning.

“So that’s what happened after you left with Nate? I should never have encouraged you to do all those shots or given you that Zima,” he said after a minute of letting it all sink in.

“I’m a big girl, I could have made different decisions,” I argued, sticking the cigarette butt in a pile of snow in the bed of his truck and liking the soft hiss it made as it extinguished. We sat there and watched as more cars drove in and parked.

“What time is it?” I asked, not bothering to look at my own watch. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know.

“Seven-thirty. We still have time to kill.”

“Can I have another one?”

“Sure.” Jibby dug into his pocket for the pack and the lighter. He held it out to me, but didn’t let it go when I grabbed it. “Wait, this isn’t like the alcohol, is it? I’m not responsible if you get hooked?”

“No, Jibby, I’m old enough to make my own decisions and right now I need this.”

Reluctantly he let it go and I took out a slender cigarette and lit it. Handing the pack and lighter back to him, I took a long drag and stifled a cough.

“Easy there, Adams. Although I will admit that was better than the first time,” he smirked. “So, did you get your grades over break?”

Of course I had, but for some reason it didn’t put me in a better mood. Doing double-duty with subject requirements and additional work, I had actually pulled mostly A’s with one B in French II. That should have made my year, but it was overshadowed by everything else going on.

“I did fine,” I answered, taking a drag. “You?”

“Straight A’s. I know, I know, I’m a nerd.” Jibby rolled his eyes as his cigarette stuck out the side of his mouth, causing his lips to form around it in a sort of sneer. The move was slightly laughable, but I wasn’t in the mood.

“Mia! Mia!” I turned to see Alicia waving frantically at me from across the parking lot. Fuck! She’s coming over here!

“Shit, Jibby, take this.” I thrust the cigarette at him and he popped it in his mouth. “Do I smell like I was smoking?”

“Oh, probably.” He rolled his eyes. “Gum works best in this situation.”

I searched my pockets. Of course I had gum. Gum was my M.O. I quickly pulled out two pieces and stuck them in my mouth, deciding that the cigarette smoke on my clothes and hair could be explained by my proximity to Jibby.

“See you, thanks for the talk. Please don’t tell anyone what I told you, okay? Alicia doesn’t even know.”

Jibby mimed a lock and key by his mouth with the cigarette still hanging out the side. Turning away, I focused in on Alicia who was making her way over. She slowed a little when she recognized it was Jibby with me, so I told him I’d be back in just a minute and took off to meet her. The two of them had secretly dated last year, but I had no idea why they kept it on the down-low. I still need to figure that one out. When I got over to where she was, Alicia grabbed my arm, her brow furrowed in what looked like anger. It was so unlike her.

“What are you doing with Jibby?” she chastised. “Great, you smell like smoke because of him.”

Good, she had no clue I had been smoking. “We have class together and the guy’s a good listener.” I shrugged.

Alicia spiked her eyebrow at me and seemed to be sizing me up. “Well, in case you care, my brother is a total mess.” She sounded even more irritable and I thought it best to shout over to Jibby that I’d see him later in class. He held up his hand and gave me a wave.

“I do care,” I pointed out to Alicia, “but he hasn’t called.” It was my turn to point an eyebrow.

“You can call him, you know … and me,” she added quietly, stuffing her hands into her long, cream overcoat with big, black buttons that seemed more appropriate for the runway instead of winter.

Oh! I hurt her feelings by not calling her. Not my intention. I put my arm on Alicia’s shoulder and steered her toward the building. “I’m sorry. I just needed to get out of Arizona and have some time alone. With all that Savannah shit going on I felt like I was suffocating.”

Alicia became quiet, which wasn’t normal for her.

“Have you talked to Jensen?” I asked.

Alicia looked at me and shrugged. “I did, but he hasn’t called me back. Did you guys break up or something? You’re not wearing your ring.”

I glanced down at my hand and quickly slipped it into my coat pocket.

“You can tell me, you know.” Alicia’s hurt feelings seemed to have been forgotten.

“No, I don’t think we’ve broken up. Not initially, anyway. I did give him the ring back, but it was only so he could think about what he wanted to do about the Savannah situation. I didn’t want him to make a decision being formally engaged to me.”

Alicia sighed and rolled her eyes at me. “That’s bullshit, Mia. Sorry, but I’m just calling you out like a good future sister-in-law would do. It’s also a major cop out. Don’t you think that even if you weren’t engaged that he’d still be formally tied to you? He’s in love with you for Christ’s sake!” Alicia was mad, really mad. “I’d think you’d agree that what he feels about you is formal enough. An engagement ring isn’t going to make what he feels for you any different.”

“Point well made, Sister Meyers.”

Taking my arm and linking it with hers, Alicia pulled me along with her up the stairs that led to the overpass and into the school building. “Come on,” she said, “it’s cold out here and I’m freezing my ass off.” I pulled the door open and we walked in, making our way to the English wing along with dozens of other students. Before we parted ways to go to our lockers, Alicia chastised me about skipping class. “By the way, it’s not a good idea to skip zero-hour on your first day as a senior. Alicia pointed at me and narrowed her gaze. “You better not be getting senioritis already.”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” I surrendered, holding my hands up and forcing a smile. I felt a little better, but not much.

Opening the locker, I gathered up the books for my Current Events class, which I had with Alicia. She wanted me to hang out at her locker until the bell rang, but I was sure I’d likely run into Nate and Aria, or even Krissa for that matter. I was hoping I’d be able to hide away in the classroom and avoid them, but I didn’t have a good reason to give Alicia for wanting to dodge the three. Standing by the locker, wishing she’d hurry and searching the faces of the many students coming near, I thought of just taking off on my own when Krissa arrived. Damn! I tried to listen to what she had done and how much fun she had during winter break, and I even did my best to answer questions she asked about my vacation. My answers must have tipped her off that I didn’t really want to talk or something because she finally gave up. Krissa looked like she wanted to ask me if something was wrong, but thankfully she didn’t.

Next, Nate and Aria arrived to the locker area. Aria seemed to be in good spirits and she looked a little shiny, if that were possible. She must have made it over the first trimester hump. Nate was another story. He glanced briefly at me and then back to Aria, catching her by surprise when he suddenly grabbed her by the waist and kissed her passionately in front of me. I knew it was a deliberate attempt to make me feel jealous. In all honesty, it just made me feel like I was the old, dirty toy that got played with for a little while and tossed aside for a different one.

The first bell was going to ring any minute and I finally got Alicia to shut her locker so we could go to class. Saying goodbye to the others, we headed off. Aria beamed back at me like old times, but Nate just nodded with narrowed eyes. If daggers could have shot out of his eyes, I would have had many protruding out of my chest. Neither Alicia nor Aria seemed to notice the way he looked at me, which was a relief and meant no inquisitive questions. I figured what happened the night before was still safe. Gritting my teeth, I had to figure out how to deal with this. It wasn’t right that both Aria and Jensen be kept in the dark. How did things get so goddamn complicated? Even more importantly, how did I let things go so far?

That evening after getting home from work, I decided to try calling Jensen. Coming into a cold, dark, and lonely house, I noticed the answering machine blinking the number one. My stomach was a ball of nerves as I pressed play. It was Jensen … finally. “Mia, call me, okay? I need to talk to you.” The message was short and sweet. Was I ready for this? I thought so when I was at work, but now I wasn’t so sure. Thinking that maybe he had news about Savannah he wanted to share with me, I set my book bag down on the couch and decided to call him. As I picked up the phone and punched in the numbers to his dorm, my stomach clenched with each ring. After the tenth ring Erik answered.

“Yeah! Keep your panties on!” he bellowed into the phone.

“Hi, Erik … it’s Mia. Is Jensen around?”

“Yeah, he’s around. I just don’t know where. He’s out at the moment. Message?” Erik’s tone was clipped. Did Jensen tell him what happened?

“Please, just tell him I called.”

“You got it. Later!” He quickly hung up.

I put the phone back in the cradle and regarded it for a moment before starting dinner. After I ate and did my homework, Jensen still hadn’t called me back. It was nine o’clock when I finally decided to go to bed after an exhausting first day back to school and work.

The remainder of the week at school was uncomfortable. Aria began to notice there was something odd going on between Nate and I. Not only because we didn’t come out of zero-hour together like we usually did, but also because he hardly spoke to me whenever all of us were together. To top it off, Jensen and I were also playing a vicious game of phone tag. His messages were not the usual, cheery Jensen and somehow they were now strained.

On Friday, during lunch hour outside of the student store, Aria poked me when Nate left to get lunch for them inside. Judging by the line I guessed he’d be in there for a while. Looking for something to say, I wondered out loud if Nate should be heading to work. His schedule was different than other students since he had a job to go to and this semester he only had four classes. Last semester, it was a sticking point for him to have to do six classes, but having done his freshman year in Seattle he’d been a few credits short to graduate from this school. Taking six periods during his first semester of senior year had been inevitable.

“Come over to the vending machines, please,” Aria said, ignoring my question about Nate going to work. I unwillingly followed her, the pit of my stomach dropping further with each step. When we were away from the majority of the crowd, she turned and looked at me. “What’s up with you and Nate? Are you guys fighting? He seems pissed off anytime I mention your name.”

“I guess you could say that.” I shrugged.

“Why? What happened? What are you guys fighting about?”

I thought carefully before answering. Aria would know if I was lying, so I just went with, “Just a misunderstanding.”

Aria put her hand on her belly and rubbed her hand over her stomach before placing it on her back and stretching. Her purple B.U.M. Equipment sweatshirt moved upward just enough to show her toned stomach underneath. She didn’t look pregnant at all, so the movements she made seemed inappropriate somehow. Eyeing me as she stretched, I knew she wanted more and I just couldn’t give it to her. It’s not my place, is it? Nate’s the one who took advantage of the situation and we ended up sleeping together. I can’t possibly tell her that. The whole thing is awful no matter how you spin it.

Aria was about to press further when Nate came over with their food. He was angry. His eyes flashed to me as if to ask what I’d told her, and when I shook my head he nodded once and pulled her away. Aria must have seen something because she looked back at me and then him as the two walked off. The look she had on her face told me she’d be trying to pry it out of him for sure.

As the day wore on I began to feel sick, and when I got home that night I just sat on the couch staring at the empty screen on the television, not wanting to do anything. Nate and Aria crossed my mind and I wondered if she had fully interrogated Nate by now and what he’d said. That reminded me that I needed to talk to Jensen and I reluctantly got off the couch and dialed his number. The phone just rang and rang. It was a Friday night, after all, and he and Erik were probably at a party. I bit my lip. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jensen had started that habit again after all that has transpired the past few weeks. I put the phone back in its cradle and decided I’d relax in a bath after having a quick lasagna dinner. When the bath didn’t work, I took some Benadryl and crawled into bed, willing sleep to hurry up and take me.

The next morning, I woke up groggy from what I assumed was the Benadryl, but at least I had gotten the sleep that eluded me most of the week. The clock showed that it was ten-thirty. Throwing off the blankets that covered me, I got up and put on a pair of black stretch pants and a purple long sleeve waffle weave Henley reserved for cold days. Slipping on a pair of thick purple socks, I made it out to the kitchen where I made myself a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal. Sitting down at the bar with the tasty, but unappetizing-looking breakfast, I took the first bite and the phone rang. On the third loud shrill, I answered. It was Jensen.

“Hey,” he said with a soft voice.

“Hey, yourself.” It was good to hear from him, but I could tell something was wrong.

“How’s senior year treating you?”

Small talk. Do we really need to do this? “Oh, you know. Not really that different from junior year. Anything new about Savannah and the … ummm … situation?” It was awkward referring to Jensen’s kid as ‘the situation,’ but I didn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah, I, ah, called her and we talked about everything. I took a DNA test last Wednesday and will know for sure in a couple of weeks. I already know what it’s going to say though. I’m going to have to tell my parents so we can talk to our lawyer about child support and drawing up some kind of agreement about visitations and stuff like that. Savannah says she doesn’t feel it would be fair to make me pay for anything retroactive since she made the decision not to tell me.”

“Do her parents know?”

“She’s going to tell them after we get the DNA results back, but I’m sure they’ve had an idea I’m the kid’s father all along. I think I’ll fly up and tell my parents at that same time, too. This isn’t the kind of news you tell over the phone.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, biting my lip. I could tell there was something else on his mind.

“Mia,” Jensen deeply sighed, “I need to tell you something. You know, I’d prefer telling you this in person, but this is eating me up inside and I need you to know before another day passes.”

Oh, shit. My stomach clenched.

“When I came back to school early, I was in a bad spot and smoked some of Erik’s weed because I thought it would help with the stress I was dealing with. Anyway, Erik got me to go to a party where I had too much to drink.” He paused. “Fallon was there.”

“You got high?” Was that the first time? For some reason I noted that and not the fact that he said Fallon’s name.

“Yeah, but that’s not the point,” he quickly said.

A lump started to form in my throat. Do I want to hear the rest of this?

“The thing is … we ended up back in her dorm. I don’t really know why I went, but we kissed. That’s it. I stopped it before it went too far because I love you.”

“You kissed her?” I croaked, not sure if I should feel relief that I had not only done the same thing, but more. Wouldn’t we be even? No. What he was saying felt like betrayal, so I could just imagine what he’d feel if I told him what I had done.

“Shit.” I could almost see him running his hands through his hair nervously. “We made out ... touched each other.” He was talking faster than ever. “She took her shirt off and mine came off, too. She was wearing a bra, but I touched her tits. She touched my dick through my pants. That’s it, I swear.”

I remained quiet. Jensen didn’t normally use the words ‘tits’ and ‘dick’ to describe body parts, at least around me, and it caught me off-guard. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing hysterically. I wasn’t sure why it was so funny.

“Say something,” he pushed when I stayed mute.

Searching for something to say, I glanced up and through the window I noticed Aria’s car pulling up in my driveway. She flung the door open and it appeared as if she was already running when her feet hit the ground. She looked angry. “Jensen ... I ... I have to go. Aria’s here and she doesn’t look happy.”

“Mia, wait—” Jensen pleaded as I hung up on him.

After tossing the phone down on the couch, I stood up and took a deep breath. It rang again almost immediately, but I ignored it and started toward to the door to meet Aria outside.

“Mia! You are such a fucking bitch! How could you?” Aria’s hair was wild, she wore no make-up, and she was dressed only in a black and white t-shirt and black leggings. She looked like she’d left the house on a whim.

Nate had definitely told her.

“Does Jensen know you cheated on him with Nate?!”

Aria was seething and all I could do was just look at her. What could I say? She knew the truth and what I said wouldn’t make any difference. Just then I heard the sound of an engine and looked over to see Nate’s car pulling in behind Aria’s. He jumped out almost before it came to a stop. The two of them must have been in bed together because his hair was also mussed up and the jeans he wore were unzipped and his grey t-shirt appeared to be inside-out.

“Aria, don’t do this,” he pleaded. “It was a mistake and she didn’t know what was happening. She was pretty hammered and thought I was Jensen. We didn’t have sex, I swear! We only kissed and slept in the same bed.”

My eyes were wide as I stared at Nate. What the fuck? When I asked him if we’d had sex he had said yes! I dug into my memory of the next day to confirm. Wait ... no ... actually he hadn’t. I asked him if we had slept together. Technically we had and he was telling the truth, but he led me to think we had. Come to think of it, he also never really answered my question about whether or not we used a condom, either.

“She blacked out,” Nate admitted, trying to comfort Aria and pull her into his arms, but she was trying her best to hold him at arm’s length.

“And what if she hadn’t?” Aria screamed. “Would you have gone for a home run and fucked her? Is that it, Nate? What the fuck? How could you?

“I was drunk, too. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. You know I love you.” Nate looked like he was about to cry as he tried pulling her closer to him. Aria tried pulling away and then finally gave up, sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder as he slowly combed her hair with his fingers. Over and over he said how much he loved her, looking at me as he did so.

I pushed the small thought aside about how I was glad I didn’t have close neighbors to witness this shit show in my driveway so I could focus on my own anger at the situation. “How could you lie to me?” I demanded. “And what if I had told Jensen?”

Nate didn’t answer; he only looked away. Aria, who had finally calmed down, tore away from him and pushed herself right up into my face. I held my ground as I stared down at her red and blotchy tearstained face.

“You. Stay. Away. From. Nate,” Aria furiously demanded. “Stay away, got it?!” Her eyes were bulging but instantly narrowed before turning and breezing her way past Nate to get to her car. Sliding inside, she slammed the door closed and gripped the steering wheel while waiting for Nate to move his car. Nate only gave me an incomprehensible look before turning and getting inside his own vehicle, backing out of the driveway, and then disappearing down the road. Aria followed close behind and soon she was gone, too.

What the hell just happened? I went back into the house and immediately saw that the answering machine was blinking the number two. I’d have bet all my money it was Jensen, and when I hit play I heard him asking me to please call him back. He added that he was sorry and that loved me, but at that moment I just couldn’t deal with it. True, I had kissed Nate and we slept in the same bed, but I thought he was Jensen. Jensen didn’t think Fallon was me, or had he? No. No, he didn’t. That would be too much of a coincidence. Immediately I felt sick and went into the bathroom, hurling the oatmeal and last night’s lasagna dinner into the bowl.